Girl Scouts of America are Anti-hug

[Skanky Vamp]

Girl Scouts are warning people that forcing girls to hug someone, whether it be a relative or friend, can send the wrong message.

In a release, the group says that forcing your daughter to give someone a hug can blur the lines of consent.

"Think of it this way, telling your child that she owes someone a hug either just because she hasn’t seen this person in a while or because they gave her a gift can set the stage for her questioning whether she “owes” another person any type of physical affection when they’ve bought her dinner or done something else seemingly nice for her later in life."

The Girl Scouts Developmental Psychologist Dr. Andrea Bastiani Archibald was quoted in the release saying "the lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older."

The release suggests other ways to show appreciation without physical contact such as smiling or saying thank you.

The article, which was posted on the Girl Scout's Facebook page has been shared 7,000 times.

 

[GoSpuffy]

makes sense to me. Obviously something in our society is severely messed up when considering the amount of sexual abuse out there in the world. Start small, change the world.

 

[Bite-me]

Well, I've never had trouble telling the difference between a hug and not wanting someone to touch me, that is precisely the thing they do not respect personal boundaries, it is not because I don't the right ones, I understand what they are getting at it is "death by a thousand cuts" in teaching girls how to be agreeable and that most cater to men's feelings etc

I do however like the counter intitutive parenting advice about not telling your kids to "say thank you" it does not teach gratitude, it does is for the parents to show others that they are "parenting" social manners

 

[GwenRaiden]

Yeah, I'm not into forcing my daughter to adorn others with affection. If she wants to hug a teacher/friend/relative she will let them know herself. Children are remarkably intuitive.

 

[brinkster130]

Forcing any child, boy or girl, to give hugs can be damaging.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

Forcing any child, boy or girl, to give hugs can be damaging.

But it's not really forcing. It's like, "Hey kid, there's gramma who you aint seen in a year, go give her a hug" they are saying it's wrong. I think it's a thing most parents do/have done. I never really saw anything wrong with it before.

 

[brinkster130]

But it's not really forcing. It's like, "Hey kid, there's gramma who you aint seen in a year, go give her a hug" they are saying it's wrong. I think it's a thing most parents do/have done. I never really saw anything wrong with it before.

Well, if the kid never sees grandma and is uncomfortable it is forcing. But I get your point about immediate family. I just think teaching kids about personal boundaries and not forcing affection is a good thing.

It is odd that this is being marketed as a holiday issue. This seems like the type of thing to be mindful of always.

 

[GwenRaiden]

I just think teaching kids about personal boundaries and not forcing affection is a good thing.

Definitely. I'm guessing it can be terrifying for an already shy kid. Adults can be intimidating, and not just in height difference, when they come into your personal space.

On the other hand, if a child is refusing to greet a close family member that they usually greet happily on their own terms, then that is them most likely being a manipulative brat.

 

[GraceK]

My great grandmother used to grab me and hug me and kiss me all over my face when I was little. She died when I was 5 and all I remember of her is being terrified to see her because of it. I’m not gonna force my son to kiss or hug anyone, regardless of family. Just my opinion 🙂

 

[Athena]

Yeah, I agree with that to be honest. I always ask my niece and nephews if I can have a hug or a kiss, I never force it. If they say no (and they frequently do, because they have their own minds!) I never take it personally.

In addition I volunteer with children and we're always told we can't hug a crying child. We have to ask permission from the child first. If they don't want physical contact for whatever reason, we have to respect that, regardless of their emotional state.

 

[thrasherpix]

So Dr. Archibald isn't actually anti-hug, but against forcing them.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

So Dr. Archibald isn't actually anti-hug, but against forcing them.

I don't consider it forcing... for example, saying: "Uncle just got here—go give him a big hug" they say that is forcing your child to hug them. That's not forcing, it's suggesting, and they are opposed to suggesting. But it's even more telling because it's all about girls. Surely "forcing" a boy to go and hug is just as damaging, but it specifically says its a problem for young girls.

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

 

[November]

In addition I volunteer with children and we're always told we can't hug a crying child. We have to ask permission from the child first. If they don't want physical contact for whatever reason, we have to respect that, regardless of their emotional state.

Its the same here in volunteer and child care work - we were not allowed to hug children. If they initiate it, its sorta allowed. Try telling a happy kid with downs syndrome running at you for a hug that you have to handshake instead 😛

I agree with the Dr on this one. Never force anyone to touch or be touched, nor suggest they are a bad family member for not wanting to hug the seedy uncle they've met twice in their life.

 

[thrasherpix]

I don't consider it forcing... for example, saying: "Uncle just got here—go give him a big hug" they say that is forcing your child to hug them. That's not forcing, it's suggesting, and they are opposed to suggesting. But it's even more telling because it's all about girls. Surely "forcing" a boy to go and hug is just as damaging, but it specifically says its a problem for young girls.

A spouse or relative (or parent with adult child) is suggesting it. An authority figure "suggesting" it (especially to a child) is pretty much commanding it whether they mean to or not.

I'll give you the point about how boys shouldn't be made to either, but in the sake of fairness she could be speaking about Girl Scouts in particular (that is, those are the kids she's thinking of) rather than children in general. Besides, boys generally aren't pushed to be so affectionate or that they owe affection (though I can think of plenty of exceptions, particularly at a very young age). Sometimes it can even be the opposite, like one father who got upset that his boy was hugging his own mother so much and told her to not let him do that or he'd grow up to be a momma's boy (and that's far more anti-hug than the doctor, since it was against him initiating hugs on his own, plus the boy was like 2 to 3 years old).

 

[The Bronze]

I've seen this point made before, can't remember where now, but I guess it must be gaining some traction. I don't know anywhere near enough about child development to know if it's a good idea or not. It makes sense to me not forcing kids into uncomfortable situations but I do wonder whether you miss out on something if you have limited human contact.

 

[thrasherpix]

I was very affectionate as a child, at least in the first few years. No one ever told me to hug anyone.

But I'd figure forbidding it would be as bad as forcing it. By forbidding it, I mean no hugs at all, not about respecting personal boundaries and such. I know there's one school of thought that babies who don't get enough contact (with anyone) in the first year of life are unable to emotionally connect with others later on in life.

 

[ChaseRules]

Its the same here in volunteer and child care work - we were not allowed to hug children. If they initiate it, its sorta allowed. Try telling a happy kid with downs syndrome running at you for a hug that you have to handshake instead 😛

I agree with the Dr on this one. Never force anyone to touch or be touched, nor suggest they are a bad family member for not wanting to hug the seedy uncle they've met twice in their life.

I think it should be up to them . If the person has their arms open then you can hug them . But telling them you should hug the person is different since they are doing it only because you said so .

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

I've never been a hugger; and I salute the Girl Scouts for realising that random hugs are uncomfortable and invasive. Family (or friends) approaching you with open arms, expecting a big hug...make it stop, oh please make it stop!

 

[Blaze]

I'm really uncomfortable with hugging most people, always have been. I love that more people are starting to realize that even as kids, we should have a voice when it comes to consent, and that definitely includes any type of physical contact. I don't think they are anti-hug either, I think they are just advocating for asking before touching type of thing. Which is a good thing no matter how you view it. It never hurts to ask.