How do you feel about liking someone younger than you?

[Robb Stark]

Okay, 2:16 in the morning, can't sleep, don't want to do homework, time to figure out another one of the deep psychological issues Always Bangel may or may not have.

I was kind of seeing/kind of not seeing a girl a little while ago who's a bit younger than me. I'm 22 (despite what my age thing says. Need to figure out how to change that), and she's 16. We met through family friends and got to know each other and before long, we started spending a lot of time together and on the phone.

I liked her, and she liked me. I'd heard about how the age gap can make it hard to relate to someone in that way, but we never really had that problem. We never got to serious, largely because her parents snooped through her cell phone, which was pretty much the end of it. But through it I only really told a few people about her, and they weren't overly enthusiastic about me starting to date someone that much younger than me.

Now I know that the older you get the less a difference in age really matters, but for the ages I'm talking about, how do you feel about it? And please, feel free to open up on me if you want. I can take it (probably 🙂) I'm not really sure why I'm posting this right now, to be honest. I can't get to sleep and for whatever reason I've been thinking about her. Guess I'm just a little sad for some reason 🙁.

 

[funsmiley]

I'm 20 and My boyfriend is 32. But i started dating him when I was 18. I liked him first and made the move, he felt the same but admitted the age gap was holding him back. But we spoke about it and realised it didn't matter we both wanted to be together and that was all that mattered. We spoke to family members about the age gap and they were luckily OK with it ( though I do sometimes wonder if they think things in the back of their minds they wont share.)

I honestly don't see the problem with the age, I mean if you think about it too much it can cause problems but if you like that person then in my opinion nothing should stand in your way.

You were in a hard situation because the girls family obviously didn't like the idea of her dating an older guy. I think it's very wrong that her parents snooped through her Phone, she's 16 she derserves some privacy. I wouldnt have worried about the people you told weren't very enthusiastic about the two of you quite frankly that's their problem.

So honestly, Age gap is not a problem for me. I think that if you like a person and they like you then go for it, don't think about the age gap too much it's no big deal as you say the older you get, the less it matters.

 

[Washburne]

You're totally right about the older you get the less age matter. So 6 year difference isn't a problem as such. The ages you mention however make it a little different. 16 year olds can be incredibly mature and 35 year olds (yes, I know you're 22) can be very immature so two people 16 and 22 years old can totally fit together. Not sure it makes it a good idea. In general. There's always exceptions. You'll never know until afterwards.

The feelings we have, we have. They can't be denied. It doesn't always make it right to act on them. When we're emotionel, like you now being sad, it increases the feelings. I know about that all too well. None of which have anything to do about the age gap, just some general thoughts.

I'll admit, if I were 16 or 22 and had a friend dating someone of the other age I'd be vary. Not saying it would be right but how I'd feel. If you do something about your feelings I suggest you try and take it slow and try to be respectful of the people in her life, such as her parents. If you're serious about the relationship and want it to last making enemies isn't the best thing to do. Of course one can always do the whole "I/we do what ever we want and if anyone has a problem with it it's their problem." but I'm not sure what good that would do in the long run. Then again, every situation is different. It's not one advice that would fit every situation.

To me it's more about the people involved than actual age but 16 isn't old, no matter what people that age want to believe, so even if I'm not against it as such I'd tread carefully if I were you.

Advice are always easier to give when you're not involved. When you're in the situation everything can fly out the window. Feelings often beat logic, rules or advice.

 

[Riley's Way]

What about illegality, you can't like have sex with her till she's 18 can you? or is the law different in Tempe?

 

[BuffyElevated]

Well my first love with a guy who was 3 years younger than me. He was a family friend that grew into something more... I dated him when I was 19 and he was 16. We dated for almost a year before we broke it off, and it was one of the hardest and saddest things I've ever had to do.

I think when you're young, the age cap can be a problem just because of the major difference in maturity levels. At 19, I was going out, partying every night and staying out til late, and at 16, he wanted a girlfriend he could go everywhere and do everything with. He wanted a high school relationship, and I wanted something a little more mature than that. In the end we broke up because I realized we were both in two very different stages of our lives. I was already out in the world, living like an adult; he was still a child forced to live under his parents' rules. He couldn't handle the fact that he couldn't go with me everywhere I went, and even though he trusted me, it caused some issues. I can imagine that you being 22 and her being 16, you'd have a lot of the same issues I had with my ex.

Another good point, that a couple others brought up, is the sexual relationship aspect. I don't know about where you live, but here in the US it's considered statutory rape if you sleep with someone younger than 18. If the parents aren't supportive of your relationship, you could be walking a very fine line if you choose to date someone who's not of age.

I think the older you get, the less age difference matters because once you're both adults, then things get a lot easier for the relationship. You don't have a lot of the restraints that you do when someone's under the age of 18, so you can be more free with your relationship.

 

[Vamp Jenny]

What about illegality, you can't like have sex with her till she's 18 can you? or is the law different in Tempe?

I don't know about Tempe, but here the law is no more than a 4 year gap.

Unfortunately [MENTION=11975]Always Bangel[/MENTION], that puts you out of it.

I for myself don't see any problem with it. If 2 people love each other, age shouldn't be an obstacle.

(and heck, I wanted to marry Nick Carter when I was 16 - he was 26 at the time - so I can't really be against XD )

 

[Jodast]

If she was the age you are now and you were six years older, it would be fine. She wiould have had a chance to get out in the world and experience the things that a 16 year old should. Call me an old fart if you will, but I think a 16 year old dating a 22 year old forces the teenager to grow up too quickly. Innocence is lost easily enough without one party feeling pressured into things they may not feel ready for.

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Honestly, I don't get all this statutory rape crap the US is always on about. If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile. That's an age people used to be married and have children by not that long ago. It's the same with 21 for drinking...sometimes I'm really glad I'm not American. Our age of consent in Germany is 14, which in my opinion is a lot more reasonable.


I was in love with a guy who is 3 years younger than me for quite some time. When we first met, he had just turned 18 and I was 21. Did it go well? No, but age had nothing to do with it really. He was pretty mature for his age, in some aspects, but in other aspects I thought I noticed the age difference from time to time (like him . calling me old...really?).

I don't really look at age though. If it works, it works. If not, it could be any reason. My current 'crush' is 27 btw, so I'm the younger one now.

 

[funsmiley]

I don't know about Tempe, but here the law is no more than a 4 year gap.

Unfortunately [MENTION=11975]Always Bangel[/MENTION], that puts you out of it.

I for myself don't see any problem with it. If 2 people love each other, age shouldn't be an obstacle.

(and heck, I wanted to marry Nick Carter when I was 16 - he was 26 at the time - so I can't really be against XD )

It's mad how different laws are in different countries. Here in the U.K, once you turn 16 you are legally allowed to have sex, though personally I think it should be higher.

 

[Robb Stark]

Well, like I said, it never really got serious, there was nothing to worry about legally. And, [MENTION=11853]Jodast[/MENTION], I here you, but I've never been that guy. I was aware of that when we started seeing one another, and maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't ever have pressured her into anything. That would, aside from being just wrong, make me feel crummy.

 

[BuffyElevated]

Honestly, I don't get all this statutory rape crap the US is always on about. If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile. That's an age people used to be married and have children by not that long ago. It's the same with 21 for drinking...sometimes I'm really glad I'm not American. Our age of consent in Germany is 14, which in my opinion is a lot more reasonable.

I don't think our laws for statutory rape/drinking are "crap". There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.).
And as far as drinking, alcohol can make people do some really stupid things. The sad fact is that unless everyone could use it responsibly and not go out driving or other stupid stuff while under the influence of alcohol, there needs to be limitations on who can get ahold of the stuff.
And as far as the line about "If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile", what if the age gap was much bigger...like what if Always Bangel was a 50-year-old man? Would it make you feel differently about him wanting to sleep with a 16-year-old?

 

[Nix]

I suppose some of this conversation depends on what you class as an adult and not a child.

 

[Riley's Way]

I don't think our laws for statutory rape/drinking are "crap". There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.).
And as far as drinking, alcohol can make people do some really stupid things. The sad fact is that unless everyone could use it responsibly and not go out driving or other stupid stuff while under the influence of alcohol, there needs to be limitations on who can get ahold of the stuff.
And as far as the line about "If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile", what if the age gap was much bigger...like what if Always Bangel was a 50-year-old man? Would it make you feel differently about him wanting to sleep with a 16-year-old?

Well exactly : It depends! IMO You shouldn't make laws that limit people's freedom just cause they might cause some harm .. Parents have a role in this & teenagers aren't 12 year olds either, they can make a choice and live with the consequences .. I know I was more than mature enough at 16 to decide whether I wanted to sleep with an older person or not ..

 

[Robb Stark]

I don't think our laws for statutory rape/drinking are "crap". There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.).
And as far as drinking, alcohol can make people do some really stupid things. The sad fact is that unless everyone could use it responsibly and not go out driving or other stupid stuff while under the influence of alcohol, there needs to be limitations on who can get ahold of the stuff.
And as far as the line about "If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile", what if the age gap was much bigger...like what if Always Bangel was a 50-year-old man? Would it make you feel differently about him wanting to sleep with a 16-year-old?

Well, the thing is that I'm not 50 though. And for clarity's sake, not every relationship is about sex. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I thought about it, but I made a decision that I was never going to push it. And that doesn't have anything to do with age, really. I just don't think that's right to force on anyone if they're not ready for it, whether they're 16 or 25. I liked her, and I liked spending time with her. Sure, sex was something I thought about, but it wasn't the basis for why I liked her, at all.

Oh, and I should mention that this happened when I was living in Vancouver, where the age of consent is 16. It's not nearly as cut-and-dried as the U.S. (I don't know the laws at all beyond Canada and the U.S.).

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

I don't think our laws for statutory rape/drinking are "crap". There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.).
And as far as drinking, alcohol can make people do some really stupid things. The sad fact is that unless everyone could use it responsibly and not go out driving or other stupid stuff while under the influence of alcohol, there needs to be limitations on who can get ahold of the stuff.
And as far as the line about "If you're sleeping with someone who's 16, you're obviously not a pedophile", what if the age gap was much bigger...like what if Always Bangel was a 50-year-old man? Would it make you feel differently about him wanting to sleep with a 16-year-old?

Funny thing about the drinking. Our legal age is 16. My friend and I went to America for a semester abroad when we were 21/22. Wanna know what we experienced there? Nobody could drink responsibly! Why? Because in America you don't drink until you're in college, a time when you're on your own for the first time, in most cases, and nobody monitors you anymore. The things we saw there in college drinking were not only shocking but also dangerous a lot of times. People clearly didn't know their limits. On the contrast, here in European universities (well at least the Germany/Netherlands area), people also drink - but with great differences. For starters, I'd say the incidence of drunk driving I've experienced is a lot, A LOT lower. Then, we don't keep drinking past the point where we're puking it all back up again. We can enjoy a couple of beers or a glass of wine without getting trashed, and so far, I haven't seen people at my university end up in ERs, unconsious on the floor or whatnot either. Wanna know why? We are already allowed to drink at an age where we're a) not allowed to drive yet, b) still have parental supervision and c) don't live in an environment that allows us to get wasted every single night, without any serious repercussion.
Not really point of this, but also...you're allowed to have a gun at 18, but you're not responsible yet to drink? Sure, that makes sense.

This kinda works for sex too. First of all, this whole age of consent doesn't actually stop people from having sex. It just makes it a crime for somebody over the age of 18 to sleep with minors, but notice your point ("There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.)." ) is in no way addresses by this, as high school kids are having sex if they want to one way or another, be it with their legal peer, or the oh so evil 22 year old. Why not let them make the choice? I'm not saying there shouldn't be any age of consent, but that's why I back up Germany's choice of 14.
Interestingly enough, the age at which you are liable for any of your criminal actions and can be sued is also 14 in Germany. This makes a lot of sense in my opinion. It levels responsibilities to one age. At 14 you're deemed responsible enough to decide yourself about sex, but at the same time you're also deemed responsible enough to stand up for any of your other actions. American laws are just arbitrary, in a lot of cases.

 

[Jodast]

Well, like I said, it never really got serious, there was nothing to worry about legally. And, [MENTION=11853]Jodast[/MENTION], I here you, but I've never been that guy. I was aware of that when we started seeing one another, and maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't ever have pressured her into anything. That would, aside from being just wrong, make me feel crummy.

Dude, believe me, I don't for one moment think you would pressure anyone into anything. I am concerned that she would feel under pressure to do things she may not be ready for because you are 'older' and 'more experienced'. These kinds of things matter to young women and play on their minds, sometimes resulting in poor decisions and putting themselves in situations they shouldn't be exposed to.

I am not for one second saying that you are a bad experience, we do share the same brain cell after all and I would never say such a thing about myself 😀 but I think she should be allowed to mature naturally and experience the things that teenagers experience at her own pace and in her own time.

As I said in my first post, if she were 22 and you were 28, I would encourage you whole-heartedly.

 

[kittenpoker]

Hmmm.... It's a weird thing. At some points age matters and at some it doesn't....I guess it all depends on the timing. 🙂

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Since I first joined this board that question, or similar, has been asked many times. The comments made, they indicate to me that some young people need to be told how to behave.
To say that, ' The age difference doesn't matter as much, as a person gets older ', is a dumb statement as there is a few million old people, to whom the age difference matters a lot.
So about the question of the age difference, the answer will depend on the individuals belief, not their age.

 

[EvilBuffy]

It depends on the person and at what age you (the collective 'you') consider a person a child or an adult. When I was 16, I thought I knew everything about myself and what I wanted but I was damn wrong. Even though I thought I was a mature 16 year old, I wasn't an adult and I had quite a way to go, I just wasn't aware of it. So because of my experience, I personally consider 16 too young. If she were 18 my opinion would be different because (for me) in those 2 years, my priorities had greatly shifted. But then again, I've known plenty of people who were over 21 who couldn't (and still can't) get their priorities straight, so I've successfully talked myself into a circle by ending with this; it depends on the person.

 

[Robb Stark]

You were in a hard situation because the girls family obviously didn't like the idea of her dating an older guy. I think it's very wrong that her parents snooped through her Phone, she's 16 she derserves some privacy. I wouldnt have worried about the people you told weren't very enthusiastic about the two of you quite frankly that's their problem.

Oh yeah, and it was even more fun when her Mom called me and told me exactly what SHE thought about the question of liking someone younger than myself. That capped the whole thing in a way I won't forget anytime soon.