How do you feel about liking someone younger than you?

[kittenpoker]

Since I first joined this board that question, or similar, has been asked many times. The comments made, they indicate to me that some young people need to be told how to behave.
To say that, ' The age difference doesn't matter as much, as a person gets older ', is a dumb statement as there is a few million old people, to whom the age difference matters a lot.
So about the question of the age difference, the answer will depend on the individuals belief, not their age.

Perhaps I'm not quite getting what you're saying... but it seems to me that a difference in ages between two people does change, as time goes by.... for example...., let's say 7 years.... one person being 7 years older than the other.... 22 and 15 is vastly different than 60 and 53.... no?

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Little Miss Muffet disagrees: Not everyone that goes to college gets shit faced every night. And The age of consent makes perfect sence when a 40 year old is dating a 16 year old.

Well I don't know what shool you went to, but they sure as hell were at my school. Interestingly, they also smoked more weed than what I'm used to from my school in the Netherlands, where it's deriminalized.

And would I be okay with a 40-year-old dating a 16-year old? Yes, I would. Actually, I find it interesting how you frame that. It's the 40-year-old datint, sort of 'using' the younger one, that what it reads like, you could've also written " a 16-year-old dating a 40-year-old", which sounds more like giving the 16-year-old the choice. And that's my main point. Coming from a country where it's legal, I still don't know any 16-year-olds that dated 40-year-olds. We let teenagers make their own choices, and I think they would rarely date someone that much older, unless ithey are really sure about it. I don't know what you wereall like at 16, but it was definitely an age at which I could make up my own mind about who I wanted to date.

By the way, there was this case in Austria not that long ago. A 40-year-old woman was sued for having an affair with a 13-year-old boy. The boy apparently looked and acted a lot older than he is, and both claimed it was love. She got 3 years on probation. By now, the boy is 16 and they are married and have a child together.
I'm not saying this is normal, and as you can tell from the lawsuit, this is illegal in Europe as well, but that's just it...a lot of times when teenagers give consent to someone muh older, it is pretty genuine, and not like one party is 'using' the other.

 

[Washburne]

The age limit thing is interesting. Having sex, drink, buy alcohol and vote. Which one takes the most responsible person? Are you responsible enough to drive but not decide who you want to have sex with? If we trust your driving skills, or decision making when it comes to sex do we also trust that you're smart enough to make a desicion of who you want to rule your country? That discussion can be a long one.

Well I don't know what shool you went to, but they sure as hell were at my school. Interestingly, they also smoked more weed than what I'm used to from my school in the Netherlands, where it's deriminalized.

I mean all of the following in this post in general and not towards you Kristine. It just seemed like it fitted to respond.

One school and it's students doesn't make their behavior the norm. Also I'm pretty sure ones view of a school is colured on who you socialize with. I'm not in a position to tell in which country college kids behave the most unresponsible. I'm not even in a position to tell you how college kids behave in Sweden. I could give examples but who's to say that those examples give a correct view of how things are in general? Every country and most schools probably have their fair share of both saints and sinners.

By the way, there was this case in Austria not that long ago. A 40-year-old woman was sued for having an affair with a 13-year-old boy. The boy apparently looked and acted a lot older than he is, and both claimed it was love. She got 3 years on probation. By now, the boy is 16 and they are married and have a child together.
I'm not saying this is normal, and as you can tell from the lawsuit, this is illegal in Europe as well, but that's just it...a lot of times when teenagers give consent to someone muh older, it is pretty genuine, and not like one party is 'using' the other.

I'm biased but a 40 year old and 13 year old? Yeah, not a fan. One could wonder how mature and stable the woman is. Most people can seem together for a time and it's not until you've known them for a long time and in different situations that you really know them. How can we judge a person on a few meetings or some interviews? How common isn't phrases like "They weren't as I thought."and "They've changed." when relationships are talked about. Be it friends or partners. That comes down to getting to know them better.

As for consent. Where should we draw the line when it comes to age? 6, 10, 13, 16, 20? Have none at all? I mean, 30 year olds (or older) can be tricked and duped and regret their decisions and wonder what they were thinking. When is a person ready to take the blame for their own actions and when do they need to be "protected"?

 

[Jules]

On the age thing, I do have a slight problem with it myself. I've been in a relationship with a guy who was 9 years older than me, which was fine but when it comes to lads being younger than me I cant seem to get over the age gap. I'm 28 and there's a lad at work whose 24 whose interested in me. I'd love to say that I'm not shallow and age doesnt bother me and if I like him I should just go for it, but I just cant. I'm stuck with the stereotype. I think its just ingrained in me that girls seem to mature a bit more than boys (not all boys, but some). I just cant get past it 🙂

 

[BuffyElevated]

Well, the thing is that I'm not 50 though. And for clarity's sake, not every relationship is about sex. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I thought about it, but I made a decision that I was never going to push it. And that doesn't have anything to do with age, really. I just don't think that's right to force on anyone if they're not ready for it, whether they're 16 or 25. I liked her, and I liked spending time with her. Sure, sex was something I thought about, but it wasn't the basis for why I liked her, at all.

Oh, and I should mention that this happened when I was living in Vancouver, where the age of consent is 16. It's not nearly as cut-and-dried as the U.S. (I don't know the laws at all beyond Canada and the U.S.).

I didn't mean to imply that you were only after this girl for sex, honey... I was just giving a scenario, and used you as an example since you were the OP. 😉

Funny thing about the drinking. Our legal age is 16. My friend and I went to America for a semester abroad when we were 21/22. Wanna know what we experienced there? Nobody could drink responsibly! Why? Because in America you don't drink until you're in college, a time when you're on your own for the first time, in most cases, and nobody monitors you anymore. The things we saw there in college drinking were not only shocking but also dangerous a lot of times. People clearly didn't know their limits. On the contrast, here in European universities (well at least the Germany/Netherlands area), people also drink - but with great differences. For starters, I'd say the incidence of drunk driving I've experienced is a lot, A LOT lower. Then, we don't keep drinking past the point where we're puking it all back up again. We can enjoy a couple of beers or a glass of wine without getting trashed, and so far, I haven't seen people at my university end up in ERs, unconsious on the floor or whatnot either. Wanna know why? We are already allowed to drink at an age where we're a) not allowed to drive yet, b) still have parental supervision and c) don't live in an environment that allows us to get wasted every single night, without any serious repercussion.
Not really point of this, but also...you're allowed to have a gun at 18, but you're not responsible yet to drink? Sure, that makes sense.

This kinda works for sex too. First of all, this whole age of consent doesn't actually stop people from having sex. It just makes it a crime for somebody over the age of 18 to sleep with minors, but notice your point ("There is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, and in my opinion, a 16-year-old should be thinking about school and hanging out with their friends, not about sex and the dangers that go along with it (STDs, pregnancy, etc.)." ) is in no way addresses by this, as high school kids are having sex if they want to one way or another, be it with their legal peer, or the oh so evil 22 year old. Why not let them make the choice? I'm not saying there shouldn't be any age of consent, but that's why I back up Germany's choice of 14.
Interestingly enough, the age at which you are liable for any of your criminal actions and can be sued is also 14 in Germany. This makes a lot of sense in my opinion. It levels responsibilities to one age. At 14 you're deemed responsible enough to decide yourself about sex, but at the same time you're also deemed responsible enough to stand up for any of your other actions. American laws are just arbitrary, in a lot of cases.

Well good for you that your country trusts kids (and yes, at 14, someone is still a kid) with sex and 16-year-olds with alcohol. I'm sure glad our country doesn't though, and if people don't like our laws, no one's forcing them to come here for school/work/travel/etc. It's funny to me how so many people internationals come to America because they want to experience our country, but then some of these same people bash our laws and culture... Kinda hypocritical to me. But oh well. I'm not about to start arguing with anyone here, so it's best I shut up about that and move on...

At 14 years old, there is no way a kid is mature enough, physically or emotionally, to deal with sexual relations and there's no way they should be able to drink alcohol on a regular basis. That's why I believe that they shouldn't be allowed to do those things until they are of a more mature age.

 

[KellGreen]

I think, also, that it somewhat depends on the individual.
Yes, 6 yrs age difference at my age, doesn't really matter, I suppose, but it is very different when you're younger. 6 Years developmentally is not that different when you're 26 and 20 perhaps, but at 6 and 12?, 4 and 10?, 1 and 7?... My point is that differences and gaps in development, both physically and emotionally, diminish as you age, but are a lot more pronounced the younger you are. I have yet to see any relationships between teenagers and men to turn out well. Once the girl grows up, they tend to see the adult differently and leave them; more often than not with negative feelings involved. Again, though, I want to emphasize that this is from what I have personally seen, and I'm sure there are others who've known/personally had better/good experiences with this.

 

[kittenpoker]

Illyrian, I guess I didn't understand what you said then.... sorry. 🙂

 

[Tome]

If both people are 21 or older, I personally don't see age difference as a big deal. It's really up to whether or not they love each other.

Under 21, I'd say 3-4 years is the limit, but again that's just my personal opinion. 🙂

 

[EVIL UU]

At 14 years old, there is no way a kid is mature enough, physically or emotionally, to deal with sexual relations

Well, that's just ignorance.

The reason why age of consent is for example 14 in Italy and 13 in Spain is because children mature, biologically and mentally, faster in a warmer climate. It's science and despite the lower age of consent the percentage of teenage pregnancies in Italy is somehow 5 times lower than it is in the US.

It has nothing to do with trust. A 14 old person raised in a warm climate is already mature enough to have sex and deal with it just fine.

As to age difference? If it's not illegal, go for it, follow your heart, just be honest, communicate etc.

 

[Nix]

I'll say it now so no-one else has to!! I am an old fashioned fart. If my daughter hits 13 and has sex I will be devastated.

 

[Enemies]

My boyfriend is 6 years older than me and we have often had the conversation 'what if we had met earlier on,' personally for me I don't think it would have worked. When I first met my boyfriend I was 18 and he was 24. It was a while before I found him again, by which time I was 19 and he was 25 and even at that age we had a conversation about whether it was acceptable to be together or if it would be frowned upon.

I personally think 16 is a little young. There's nothing wrong with the age gap but I know that myself at 16 had a lot of growing up to do and although I liked to think I was an adult, looking back I most definitely was not. Everyone matures at different ages and notoriously women are more mature than men. Still, I just think 16 is a little to young. But again that is down to your own perception of an adult and largley what culture you live in with regards to what that culture perceives as an adult age.

I personally feel that the age gap between my boyfriend and I is virtually none existent when we are together because I don't think of him as 6 years older than me. Our maturity levels are pretty similar and we get along perfectly. Although I think if I told my parents at 16 that I was seeing a 22 year old I think they would have been far than happy about it too.

 

[Summerlilly]

I'm 31 and I'm dating a 24 year old. Honestly, I was hesitant about it at first. There's a lot of weird society pressures regarding age in the US and then there's the whole maturity issue. But in the end, he may not be mature in some ways and my friends might give me crap for dating someone so young but it doesn't really matter to me as long as we're happy.

Unfortunately, with her being 16 her parents do have a right to monitor her life, especially if she's still living under their roof. I would be careful with the sex issue under 18 as everyone has said because you don't want to get yourself in trouble.....but if you guy like each other that much you can always date without having sex until she's 18, right? If her parents are very strict and won't let her date you, you can always try to talk to them. Being honest is the best way to go. Maybe if they see how respectful and mature you are and put a face to the older man they would be more lenient.

 

[Taake]

I personally think 16 is a little young. There's nothing wrong with the age gap but I know that myself at 16 had a lot of growing up to do and although I liked to think I was an adult, looking back I most definitely was not. Everyone matures at different ages and notoriously women are more mature than men. Still, I just think 16 is a little to young.

I agree with this. For me age difference is not a big deal as long as we're talking about two adults. Teenagers are off-limits as they are children in my eyes and have a lot of growing up to do before they reach the emotional maturity level of dating an adult.

That said I base this a lot on experience as when I was 14 my first boyfriend was 20 going 21 and at the time I didn't see a problem with it (though my father certainly did), however now - remembering back on it - I definitely feel that my parents should have put a definitive stop to it and I can't stop but wonder "what was wrong with that guy?" - why couldn't he get a girl his age? (I'm not saying that that's a rule, that older people dating younger can't get someone their own age, but in my situation it certainly was a question needing to be asked since though we got along just fine we didn't actually have anything in common.)

If I could go back and un-do that relationship I would, I agree with what HisMrs said in her post on the matter, and I wish I had spared myself from going through the things I did at such an early age. I don't feel I benefited from it and I would do anything to protect my child from making the same mistake.

🙂

 

[Ianigsy]

I have two female cousins who both married their husbands when they were in their mid-twenties and the husbands were nearly 40. Both marriages are now either over or ending after about 20 years, in part because the husbands are now around 60 and neither of my cousins was ready at between 40 and 50 to wind down just yet.

The age of consent in the UK came in during Victorian times because a campaigning journalist found out that rich men were going to poor families and basically offering to buy their teenage daughters for sex. If you look at the number of teenage pregnancies against the number of prosecutions for underage sex, it seems clear to me that at least in the UK it tends not to be applied in every case- it's just a tool that can be used to prosecute somebody who habitually takes advantage of underage teens.

 

[sisterofmercy]

As long as it's above the age of consent and it's a two way thing then it's none of anyone else's business really. I personally wouldn't get with someone massively older or younger than me though. Chances are they'd be in a different life stage to me and it would be hard to relate. However, it works for some people so that's good.

Found myself liking one of the new freshers here and felt guilty about it for a while because I thought he was 18 (my brother's age so a bit icky). Thankfully he's older than that, but still the thought of him being younger put me off. That's mostly down to me interacting with my brother and his friends though so my perception of 18 year olds is skewed.

I would only really go for it with someone a year younger or older than me really, but it depends on the person I suppose, you ever can tell with these things.

 

[SinisterPledge]

Okay, 2:16 in the morning, can't sleep, don't want to do homework, time to figure out another one of the deep psychological issues Always Bangel may or may not have.

I was kind of seeing/kind of not seeing a girl a little while ago who's a bit younger than me. I'm 22 (despite what my age thing says. Need to figure out how to change that), and she's 16. We met through family friends and got to know each other and before long, we started spending a lot of time together and on the phone.

I liked her, and she liked me. I'd heard about how the age gap can make it hard to relate to someone in that way, but we never really had that problem. We never got to serious, largely because her parents snooped through her cell phone, which was pretty much the end of it. But through it I only really told a few people about her, and they weren't overly enthusiastic about me starting to date someone that much younger than me.

Now I know that the older you get the less a difference in age really matters, but for the ages I'm talking about, how do you feel about it? And please, feel free to open up on me if you want. I can take it (probably 🙂) I'm not really sure why I'm posting this right now, to be honest. I can't get to sleep and for whatever reason I've been thinking about her. Guess I'm just a little sad for some reason 🙁.

Well in my opinion, it all comes down to who these two people are. **** laws and shit, that don't mean anything when it comes down to feelings. You can't generalize people like that. A 22-year old dating a 16-year old isn't always wrong. It could be (depending on the intentions), but it doesn't have to be. It all depends on maturity and what kind of people we're talking about here.

Now I don't know you personally, but from what I've picked up being a member of this forum is that if there was one 22-year old guy I would let my fictional 16-year old daughter hang out with, it would be someone like you.

Yeah that was a bit weird but I hope my point got through. Don't let other people come between you and her.

 

[Mazikeen]

Re:

I have very mixed feelings about that subject. As a 16 year old, I dated a 27 year old. So I have no rights to speak. My opinion on the subject has fluxuated since I was younger. I think being an overly possesive mother of a beautiful young woman has made me look at things in a different light. My daughter is stunning, but mentally young for her age. I think about her dating a man 10 years older than her and I cringe...My own personal issues aside, I think it's a different ballgame when you're dealing with older people. Nobody really looks twice if an 80 year old man is dating a 32 year old woman, or if a 50 year old woman is dating a 25 year old man. Because regardless of age, it's still two consenting adults. When one of the individuals is a teenager, then society starts to lend a leering eye. Mostly I think because teens are not viewed as adults in society. And where you can have two people who are mentally and intellectually in tune with each other...I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have an opinion on this until I've formed one that's solid. I'm seriously fighting an inner battle with myself on this right now. THANKS!! Now I'll be arguing with myself all evening! If I come out of this with a black eye, I'm going to be very upset! 😉

 

[SlayerFest]

I seriously read this as "killing someone younger than you"...I need help.

I personally don't see what the big deal is. I understand that it can be a sticky situation when statutory rape is a factor (I understand why a 14 year old shouldn't be in a relationship with a 40 year old, but it's ridiculous when someone is 18 and they're dating a 17 year old, I've heard of someone getting into trouble for that and that is just cra.zy) but I don't get why people freak out when a 20 year old is dating a 40 year old. It really depends on the circumstances. The love of my life:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwI9QD89pMM"]the gube[/ame]

is 13 years older than me and we WILL get married in the desert, on Halloween, and Larry David will be there. HMPH.

 

[Groge]

If i remember correctly there's a rule;
Your age divided by 2
Add 7
and that's as low as you can go! 😛
For young people the ages are very similar and the older you are the bigger the gap is.
I personally think 22 to 16 is too much. Im 21 and id probably only go as low as 17, at a push. 18 would probably feel more comfortable for me. To be honest though,if you both really care about each other then hell with it! That's more important!

 

[Wild At Heart]

IMO most guys that are younger are going to be less mature. They still haven't experienced as much as you have or learned as much as you have in relationships. They are still figuring out who they are, what they believe in & what they want. Those relationships tend not to last IMO. There are probably people out there that aren't like this that are younger but the majority, I would say avoid.