How to make friends in real life

[mudslides]

So, I'm turning 29 this year and since I left school, my friendship pool has been dwindling... Ive tried meetups but not had much luck. Does anyone know how to make friends as an adult?

 

[Blaze]

Don't you wish that we could go back to kindergarden when making a friend was a simple as asking "Want to be my friends?" and then hitting them in the face with a snowball (for those of you that do not live where it snows, then I have no clue how you made friends, snowballs to the face is the only way I know how 😛)

In all seriousness though, meeting people as an adult is generally pretty hard. All of the friends I have came from two places, school and the barn where my horse is boarded. Maybe find an pass time that you enjoy and where you can meet people that like the same stuff as you? I always met a lot of cool people back when I was part of sports team.

 

[thetopher]

A couple of ideas that seem to work for me- Join a dance class, like anything really from salsa to ballroom to anything, that could work. All sorts of different types of people want to learn how to dance, and you learn something useful.

Any kind of educational classes open to adults- like evening college classes, you get a wide range of different types of people, not just youngsters, and can learn something new.

Some outdoors/walking/activities group has a wide range of ages from teen to more mature, plus you can do cool things like rafting and canoeing and stuff- it can get a bit pricey though.

Also, just be friendly!
I swear, I strike up conversations with people all the time when we're both bored waiting for something or just having a quiet coffee (much rarer now with cell phones though- people tend to phone people they know when they're bored), just make sure they actually want to talk with somebody first. 🙂

 

[brinkster130]

Smile and step out of your comfort zone! Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with someone you may not know very well, go out for drinks or hang with new people if invited, try a new activity, and try and remain positive while doing all that.

 

[ladydorotea]

Does anyone know how to make friends as an adult?

Firstly, pick up a fresh start venue. New job, new school, heck any new casual environment. Next, try to be plain nice and none judgmental when you are in that place. Listen to the locals. Learn what everybody and everyone is interested in and try to contribute. Pick up vibes from folks who are interested in the same things that you are interested in. Try to strike a conversation by mentioning yeah, I love this thing too. Be indulgent to the folks who turn out to be indulgent of you. Basically be very relaxed and very accepting/indulgent. Do say compliments to peeps who need them. Do show interest. Make an effort to be nice. Try to genuinely be interested and involved. Do not focus on yourself but try to get genuinely interested in other people.

 

[AnthonyCordova]

What are your interests? Try and list them all if you can and if you don't mind. If we see your interests we might come up with suggestions you haven't thought of. What kind of music do you like?

Most friendships (especially after a certain age) are made around shared interests. I've made a lot of friends at my favorite local bar/club(s) but it is music and culture that we all like and share in common so it made it easier.

If you don't have a ton of interests or hobbies maybe pick up a few that sound interesting and try them out and get involved with them in your community. You could make a lot of friends that way too, because people like to help new beginners get better at things sometimes.

 

[mudslides]

thanks everyone. its hard when you're an introvert and not really very good with people. Most of the time I like being alone but ideally I'd love to have people to do things with like shop, ice skate, cinema - just random activities.

Mostly my interests are solitary which doesn't help! I like writing especially in a journal, watching tv and films, sketching, walking. I like grunge and classic rock mostly...I have gone to gigs alone but I dunno if its a London thing or what, but people can be really unfriendly lol (totally got threatened about getting punched in the face at the last gig for no reason). I've joined adult ed classes before but not really hit it off with anyone. Wish I had stuck college out just to get to know people better!

 

[Yosso]

thanks everyone. its hard when you're an introvert and not really very good with people. Most of the time I like being alone but ideally I'd love to have people to do things with like shop, ice skate, cinema - just random activities.

Mostly my interests are solitary which doesn't help! I like writing especially in a journal, watching tv and films, sketching, walking. I like grunge and classic rock mostly...I have gone to gigs alone but I dunno if its a London thing or what, but people can be really unfriendly lol (totally got threatened about getting punched in the face at the last gig for no reason). I've joined adult ed classes before but not really hit it off with anyone. Wish I had stuck college out just to get to know people better!

Believe me, this is totally normal whether you're introverted or not. Watching TV and films doesn't have to be a solitary thing - find people who like the same TV shows and movies and that's a great starting point. You could find an art club and share your art or join a rock band if you can play an instrument. I know it's all easier said than done and it is hard, but if you keep trying while trying to hang out with the friends you do have (and also family - they're important too) then eventually something will come out of it. You have to make more of an effort with people in your twenties...

 

[The Bronze]

I like grunge and classic rock mostly...I have gone to gigs alone but I dunno if its a London thing or what, but people can be really unfriendly lol (totally got threatened about getting punched in the face at the last gig for no reason).

You've probably just been really unlucky or the band/genre attracts a large idiot element. I go to a lot of gigs in London, mostly by myself, and have very rarely had a problem. Normally people are in a good mood because they're at a gig. The only crowd trouble I remember has been with pop crowds, such an unpleasant bunch. Get yourself to some punk or ska gigs in London and you'll have a great time.

 

[thetopher]

I always find London pretty lonely, like most big cities I find that I don't really 'fit in' any place.

Lots of people are like that, you've just got to find common interests with somebody, get a reaction- most reactions/interactions are good! 🙂

 

[mudslides]

I googled this topic and it seems insane that so many people have trouble making friends... and then everyone has like 900 followers on facebook 😛

the bronze, I used to go to loads of punk and ska gigs! The gig I was talking about though was at Courtney Love. She seems to attract crazies! I live in Essex too , technically.

Does anyone here go to conventions? Are they good places to meet friends or not so much? I pretty much only like Buffy from the sci fi side of things.

 

[nightshade]

You can turn online friends into offline friends as well, it might not be a regular weekly together but you can make going to visit them a mini holiday depending on how far away they are!

 

[The Bronze]

the bronze, I used to go to loads of punk and ska gigs! The gig I was talking about though was at Courtney Love. She seems to attract crazies! I live in Essex too , technically.

Good to have another person from Essex on here 🙂. Yeah if you're seeing Courtney Love you've got to be prepared for the unusual followers. Did you grow out of the ska/punk type music or just lose interest in the scene? I've just booked up a couple of Brixton gigs and am looking forward to getting into London already.

Must admit I can't actually offer much help with the making of new friends. My core group has been the same for years. I get to know a few people from sports and when friends get new partners but wouldn't have a clue how to actually make new friends independently.

 

[Kean]

For me, shared interests is only partially what has factored in making friends. I find shared experience the surest way to forge friendship. While the shared interest may put us all in the same place, experiencing it together is what has always worked for me. From trips away in school, friends made in college, summers working abroad, or being first time mods here on BB together (😉) all of my truly important friendships that I have now, were formed because we lived through something together.

I'm not sure how you translate that into your own life but I think if I was trying to make a new friend, I would may go on a volunteer trip away, or random group holiday. Something that kind of throws people together and puts you all in the same position.

 

[caitaintdead]

I'm actually going through the same thing at the moment due to a relocation. I had lived in the same city my entire life and had dozens of friends that I could count on.

Now I'm in a new city and don't really know anyone at all.

I'm trying to look at making new friends like dating.

Being happy with myself and my own company first. Not being desperate. Having broad interests etc.

I'm thinking of joining a sports team. And trying to make sure I say yes to any invites that do happen to come my way which is hard for someone like me that is getting to the age where I actually enjoy my alone time or time with my SO.

 

[chasesummers]

There is nothing you could do but be open for friendships and trust your intuition.
No need to turn into someone else, go to certain events, dress in a certain way, talk in a certain way. Make friends with your inner Self first, be confident and know your Self, you'll attract your kind of people, only if you're open for them & if you're capable of seeing the opportunity of making a friend.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm 30 and have no friends :s I've been married for over 12 years and we're very happy, my husband is my best friend. Sometimes I do wish I had a girly friend to talk to etc. I also sometimes wish I had a friend that was into the same things as me but the last 2 times I made friends with someone, it all went wrong :S The last person was friendly to my face but behind my back was trying to get with my husband and break us up :S So now I have big trust issues and hate talking to people argh, I want a friend but I hate people lol

 

[mudslides]

Amethyst, that sucks. =(

 

[thetopher]

Agreed. 🙁

Quick, group hug! 🙂

Damn, I forgot I was online...

 

[Amethyst]

(((((( Hugs for all ))))))) 😀 Thanks 🙂