I wish I knew what to do

[November]

I've worked with high risk teens but not in a school sense, maybe that's where I differ.

As you know, I worked at a theraputic barn. We had all sort of teens come through. The last one was very special to me - and while I cannot say much (due to confidentiality) - being aware of my role in her life was very important to us all working together to help her.

I was there to guide her through how her body language influenced the pony, and in turn showed how her behaviour influenced those around her. She very much took this away from her lessons. Never once did I act as a councillor or try to sort out her problems. She was welcome to talk, but boundries were up quickly - perhaps talking to the pony was a better option? Pony would not comment in anyway other than love and affection - and thats what happened. Whatever she said to the pony, it didnt matter, pony loved and respected her regardless, because of her actions.

My role was never to help her in home life, or social or with her various mental and eating disorders - it was to educate her in a way no one else could. She came to me for lessons with horses - from the groundwork up. I didnt step over my bounds as an instructor and she did not expect more from me, yet knew I was there with a reminder on being mindful, and that the barn was a calm place.

If your role is teacher - be a teacher. It can be confusing to teens for a teacher to be a friend, boundries are an issue with everyone at that age. You can make your class a welcoming and enjoyable space, a place they can feel comfortable. Be someone they can come to, also know that you cannot help them all - but others you will help in ways you dont know yet.

 

[thrasherpix]

I have a horror story about a high school counselor, and I still can't decide if he was really that stupid or just passive aggressive evil (as in intentionally trying to hurt others), like a Snyder pretending to be a Flutie. (Though I've known 2 school psychologists who were much worse than him.) We'd heard to go to a different counselor who had a good reputation among the kids, but we weren't allowed as we had to go to the one who was for our grade. After the disaster, I went to the one we'd asked for who wasn't allowed to help us, and after I told her what had happened, she made a statement with profanity on the other counselor's stupidity (but she couldn't do much). If I had it to do over, I'd have convinced my BFF to see the counselor we wanted in secret as I think she really cared, and would've made a sincere attempt to help as long as her job wasn't at risk.

I don't feel like sharing the details of what happened beyond that. I will say that, generally speaking, kids who are abused at home see it as more normal, that is they learn not to trust any adults. It's especially bad when adults who claim they want to help actually just want to know who to brush under the rug so that life remains convenient and whitewashed, which is too many of them. As a wise man (who knew he was a fool) once said, a cat that jumps on a hot stove won't jump on another, or a cold one, either. And even when they do try to help, they misunderstand the kids as much as the kids misunderstanding them, in part because the basic assumptions about life and society are so very different, and both sides are mistaking their subjective realities for an objective one obvious to the other. (The gaslighting many abusers and their relatives do also don't help, but at least my BFF and I were spared that, unlike many others we knew.)

Strangely, many stories of abuse and disorders seem a dime a dozen on the internet, but in 15 years + of being online, I've met only one other who lived a hardcore runaway life as I did (once I was 15 on, with about 6 months back home while I was 16 before taking off again and not getting in touch with anyone in my family until I was 21), and I'm very curious about why that is when about every other childhood hell is talked about at least somewhat openly online.

I'm also curious about how things like iphones have changed the scene (plenty of adult homeless in the USA have these, among other surprising things), but I'm wary of talking to those who work at runaway shelters (and I'm aware it varies widely state by state given how the laws vary)...but if someone here has worked at one (or been a minor on the streets without legal adult supervision) since 2005, please contact me privately, I'm both curious and a friend of mine is writing a story featuring runaway kids (and I can't tell him about how iphones have changed things).

As for me, I've helped some kids, but it's been incidental. I've volunteered to work with the homeless, but only adults. I doubt I could comply with both the regulations of most to all runaway services (and the state laws which they operate in) as sometimes kids really are screwed (or as Buffy would explain it, there are no good choices), as well as likely screwed up from all they've endured so far. (This isn't to say I think they don't do good work, they sometimes do, and maybe you'd find my perspective useful as one who quickly learned to avoid the runaway services as a kid.) Though I'm aware we live in a relatively enlightened age that would be the envy of most of our ancestors, I still have no problem seeing our world as a hell dimension (and thought the scene of Angel taking the elevator down to Hell only to be on Earth was metaphorically brilliant, though I can see why some others saw it as a cop out).