Is Buffy a good friend?

[sleecin]

A good question is what yourself would do in buffys situation .

 

[sosa lola]

Yes. She's a great friend. She's there for her friends when they need her, she forgives them for hurting her, she doesn't judge them for their mistakes.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

So, no, as much as Buffy might want to be a good friend and a good Big Sis, she just finds herself having less and less time to devote to doing it. She wants to be a good friend, but she's too busy staking vampires.

But doesn't Buffy want to be a good friend? I believe there's evidence of that. How does her inability to be a good friend due to all stated above might affect her?

---------- Post added at 06:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:48 PM ----------

I've actually had this debate about whether she's judgemental or not (people have also brought that she's racist) and I've still yet to hear a good argument regarding her being that way.

About her being racist? I could see why people would say that. "Pangs" is problematic.

I agree, I wasn't critiquing the way people thing, I'm open to hearing everyone's opinion, I was just stating that I'm surprised. This is not a topic I've seen discussed much before.

I know, right! That's why I brought it up. I like having new things to discuss. 🙂

---------- Post added at 07:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:50 PM ----------

No, she is not a good friend. Mostly because Buffy is incapable of separating her private life from her calling. Her friends become automatically and by default a part of the slaying gig. Buffy does not treat them as equals, she treats them as minions, choosing to either act as friend or as a slayer when she feels like, lying to them and keeping secrets in every season up till the end.

I appreciate the blunt honesty of your response, and I can't deny what you'd said is true. I'm surprised no one else has talked about how Buffy occasionally treats her friends like they're there to serve her. She also takes them for granted. Like Willow said once; they're not her minions.

That said, Buffy does have a superiority complex, so that plays into her interactions with others. Although she'd never admit she, she believes herself to be better than others - because, well she is.

Buffy is a terrific character, but far from perfect, and she's beautiful in her flaws...perhaps one of which is that she's a bad friend.

No, really. They do not wield the strength and skill to stand against the forces of darkness, whatever power they have they claw it on their own and pay for it. Buffy doesn't understand that. It's a problem because Buffy doesn't treat slaying as seriously as she should and her friends suffer because of it, Giles, Willow and Xander lose their loved ones because of her incompetence as the slayer. She fails to protect them. On the top of that, as the seasons progress Buffy becomes dependent of not only their companionship, but their power as well, to the point where Willow has to deal with a big bad on her own because Buffy refuses to.

Xander doesn't only lose a loved one, he loses an eye. He literally sacrifices a part of himself for her mission.

Do you think that her failure to protect them has contributed to why she holds back, and distances herself from them? Perhaps it's a defense mechanism if she loses them for good someday.

Take a look at Buffy and Willow. Buffy knows that magic is demonic in nature since the second episode, she knows what magic does to and with humans since the third one and yet she expects Willow to be her big gun and asks her to give more and more with every season, consequences be damned. It's incredibly toxic. When Willow finally falls apart in season 6 Buffy barely cares. In the final TV season Willow is doing worse than ever, she casts powerful spells involuntary, loses control of herself, sucks energy out of people and who knows what would have happened in "Get It Done" if Xander had not intervened. Buffy still asks to cast more and more powerful spells.

Well, in her defense, Buffy was depressed when Willow went dark, so that would explain why she didn't care. I got nothing for the second part. You're right.

Yeah, why not? She's a fun gal, loyal, huge heart but more importantly, she is a ridiculously interesting person. It's like with Willow, no matter how repulsive and rotten she is, she IS Willow Rosenberg, yes please, I want her as a friend. Of course, the fighting evil part is out of the question for obvious reasons. I kinda like bad skating movies though, "Ice Princess" was pretty entertaining.

See, I disagree here - Buffy isn't a "fun gal" - not by a long shot - she's a woman with a ton of baggage.

I think that she didn't mean well when she decided to kill Faith and feed her body to her vampire corpse-friend. Sickening. Or every time she lied to her friends about things that could potentially kill them. Or when she wanted to leave her kid sister under the protection of a soulless vampire that tried to rape not a while ago. Or when she asked her best friend to incapacitate and kidnap said sister instead of just talking to her(!) Or when she refused to slay a soulless monster, valuing her feelings over the lives of humans she was created to protect. Or when she selfishly chose the life of one person over the lives of people she could save had she not killed herself. Or when she decided to completely ruin the lives of thousands of girls and women around the world.

*sadly nods*

Yeeep.

Nice post. Thanks for your input!

 

[Blaze]

About her being racist? I could see why people would say that. "Pangs" is problematic.



I know, right! That's why I brought it up. I like having new things to discuss. 🙂

I guess I can sort of see why people would say Buffy is racist based on a few comments through out the series, some being said in "Pangs". I don't know, I feel like I've faced a lot of discrimination in life and I know quite a few people that are very racist, and Buffy never ever striked me as someone that is racist. What she said in Pangs wasn't right, but I'm part native and I just took it in the context of the show. I work really hard in life to speak out about racism and prejudice, and I'm very sensitive to the issue, but I honestly still cannot see how Buffy as a whole is racist. She's friends with people from multiple race, her best friend was gay and jewish, a few comment vs 7 seasons of her being open minded just doesn't strike me as a racist.

 

[white avenger]

But doesn't Buffy want to be a good friend? I believe there's evidence of that. How does her inability to be a good friend due to all stated above might affect her?

Of course Buffy wants to be a good friend. The fact that her duties sometimes makes that difficult or even impossible doesn't detract from her actual desires. But years on the hellmouth have taught her that the mission has to come first. She doesn't like it, and she tries to work around it as much as she possibly can, but there are times when the hard choice has to be made, and, as the Slayer, she is the one who has to make them.

 

[EVIL UU]

[MENTION=3210]Joan[/MENTION] the Vampire Slayer

Do you think that her failure to protect them has contributed to why she holds back, and distances herself from them? Perhaps it's a defense mechanism if she loses them for good someday.

No, not really. I think that it's something different. Buffy is afraid that her friends will leave her, it's a theme that's been going on since season 1, I think, but she also believes that she's unworthy of their love. She loves them and she needs them but it's wrong. So she tries to make it right by pushing them away.

Xander doesn't only lose a loved one, he loses an eye. He literally sacrifices a part of himself for her mission.

Speaking of, "Empty Places" is full of infuriating scenes; in my opinion the hospital one is the most infuriating. Seriously, would it kill Buffy to stay with Xander, spend at least those twenty minutes or so with him, play those stupid cards, tell a completely inappropriate joke about masturbation, hold his hand, ruffle his hair, smile, laugh, you know, show him that she cares, that she loves him. Xander is always there for her when she needs him but when he needs her, Buffy runs away.

See, I disagree here - Buffy isn't a "fun gal" - not by a long shot - she's a woman with a ton of baggage.

Right, not the best choice of words. What I mean is that, despite all of her issues, Buffy still loves life.
[MENTION=6758]white avenger[/MENTION]
There's no contradiction here in my opinion. Buffy needs her friends not only as Buffy the girl but as Buffy the slayer as well, she needs Willow's power, she needs Xander's...um, breath, she needs Giles knowledge. In order to be a good slayer she needs to be a good friend, she needs to keep those people close and functional. I think that it's just as much a part of her mission as is staking vampires.

 

[white avenger]

Speaking of, "Empty Places" is full of infuriating scenes; in my opinion the hospital one is the most infuriating. Seriously, would it kill Buffy to stay with Xander, spend at least those twenty minutes or so with him, play those stupid cards, tell a completely inappropriate joke about masturbation, hold his hand, ruffle his hair, smile, laugh, you know, show him that she cares, that she loves him. Xander is always there for her when she needs him but when he needs her, Buffy runs away.



Right, not the best choice of words. What I mean is that, despite all of her issues, Buffy still loves life.
[MENTION=6758]white avenger[/MENTION]
There's no contradiction here in my opinion. Buffy needs her friends not only as Buffy the girl but as Buffy the slayer as well, she needs Willow's power, she needs Xander's...um, breath, she needs Giles knowledge. In order to be a good slayer she needs to be a good friend, she needs to keep those people close and functional. I think that it's just as much a part of her mission as is staking vampires.

But by Season 7, Buffy has come to the sad realization that, if she has to weigh the fate of the world against the welfare, or even the lives, of her friends, her duty dictates that she most serve her mission, even to the point of not seeming to be as good a friend as she would like to be. The example of Xander in the hospital illustrates that perfectly. She WANTS to be the friend and stay with him. She WANTS to give him what comfort she can. Unfortunately, she has an apocalypse to avert, so friendship has to be put on the back burner for the present. The same thing applies when Buffy tells Giles that, given the choice then, she would have sacrificed Dawn to save the world. She realizes that her duties as the Slayer can, and likely at some point will, mean that she has to choose the mission over her friends.

As I said, Buffy WANTS to be a good friend, and under most circumstances, she does a pretty good job of it, but, ultimately, she is the Slayer first, and, as much as she does need her friends, she has accepted the fact that they are of secondary importance to the fulfillment of her mission.

 

[November]

I think Buffy is a good friend. Close friends at that age do all sorts of stuff to each other regardless of being supernatural.

 

[EVIL UU]

[MENTION=6758]white avenger[/MENTION]
20 minutes, OK? World's not going to end.

she has accepted the fact that they are of secondary importance to the fulfillment of her mission.

That's not a fact. Without Willow and Xander Buffy wouldn't have survived past season 1, she wouldn't have survived any season, period. If these two decide to pack their bags and leave Sunnydale because of how she treats them, she's dead. I think that Buffy's not brain-dead enough yet to not understand it.

 

[white avenger]

[MENTION=6758]white avenger[/MENTION]
20 minutes, OK? World's not going to end.



That's not a fact. Without Willow and Xander Buffy wouldn't have survived past season 1, she wouldn't have survived any season, period. If these two decide to pack their bags and leave Sunnydale because of how she treats them, she's dead. I think that Buffy's not brain-dead enough yet to not understand it.

I think that we're talking about two different things. The fact that Buffy needs Willow and Xander, and Giles, Spike, Angel, and Riley at various times, to fight her war more efficiently doesn't automatically imply that she is a good friend to any of them. Friendship and need are not necessarily the same thing.

I agree, having a team to support her, something that, as far as we know, no other Slayer before her had, made Buffy a much more effective fighter, but just because she needs and uses the various talents and skills of those people doesn't mean that she has to even like them, let alone be their friend. Granted, there is friendship involved here, and Buffy does consider Willow, Xander, and all the rest to be her friends. What I am saying is that Buffy's duties as the Slayer do on occasion cause her to choose fulfilling her mission over the welfare of her friends. Buffy is a friend, just not as good a friend as she could be if it weren't for her responsibilities to protect the world.