Is marriage an outdated concept?

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Why do people get married? Seriously, what are the benefits? I've often wondered why two people take the plunge, promising to be forever faithful to one another...I mean, you can experience love and commitment without marriage, right?

Is it realistic to expect two human beings to:

1. Stay together. Forever.

2. Have sex with the same person. Forever.

3. See each other every day. Forever.

4. Sleep next to each other. Forever.

Considering all the divorces, affairs and "secret" porn addictions we hear about, it seems to me that the institution of marriage goes against our primal nature. People speak of "love" and "partnership" in regards to this union of two people, but I say again, why does a relationship have to be given this "stamp of approval"?

Thoughts?

 

[November]

Yay! I have been waiting for a thread to get some of this explained to me, by people who do not believe 1950's housewife is what a 30 year old should be doing with their life.

So in my understanding marriage was a religious concept - to promote the importance of family in a time when no one else was going to look out for you, the lessons in religion at the time helped people learn ethics. The church has never supported the sexual issues that go on there. And I cant deny that the lessons of the church do produce some of the most well adjusted families I have met.

Now days getting married is more of a status symbol. In my country if you arent married by my age you get of a bit of a look of pity and a "it'll happen" speech. Nah mate, I am so not keen on it happening for me. Yet on the other hand, I have a bunch of friends who's kids are teens and the fathers are the ones saying "screw this for a life!" and they outcast and rejected and the "bad guys" for leaving a mother on her own and blah blah now she has to support her ownself and spawn since they are old enough the government wont support them. They are the "aussie battlers"... righto then...

I have no desire to have children at my age now, I do not want to be connected to any one in any way, except for myself - as I have a long way to go with that. I have been told over and over that not wanting connections is a symptom of a mental disorder. I do not believe that. It is so ridiculous that not wanting to adopt a man child and have his spawn is considered CRAZY.

And then there is gay marriage, which many people misunderstand my stance on. I have no issue with what people need to love. This is where you guys may be able to educate me - if marriage is a religious concept, to promote family and reproduction, why on earth does it make sense for gays to be included? Perhaps a overhaul of civil union was needed rather than including gay people in "marriage" which now no longer means what it did even 40 years back.
 
Oh and government benefits for getting married and having children - the whole population of Byford is there cos the government funded the sexcapades and babies.

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

"I do not want to be connected to anyone in any way." Basically, that describes how I feel. The thought of being tied down to anything (a child, a partner, a pet, a plant) is absolutely terrifying to me. I like being able to pick up and leave at a moment's notice. It's about freedom, and not owing anyone anything. No obligations.

Children are lovely....when they belong to someone else. They aren't a priority or goal in my life. Plus, the thought of something growing inside me is repugnant. My own little parasite? No thanks.

I enjoy romantic relationships...but never enough to stay with someone for an extended amount of time.

 

[Blaze]

I think it all depends on the person. I think the answers of your questions will change depending in who is answering them. Marriage can work, depending on who is getting married. Not everyone is made to be monogamous, or to stay with one person forever. While other people are. Nothing wrong with either. I personally do not really value marriage, but I'm also the type of person who once in love will gladly answer yes to staying with one person forever and all that comes with that. I just don't think I need to be married to do those things, but if down the line it's something important to my partner, I do see myself potentially getting married.

And then there is gay marriage, which many people misunderstand my stance on. I have no issue with what people need to love. This is where you guys may be able to educate me - if marriage is a religious concept, to promote family and reproduction, why on earth does it make sense for gays to be included? Perhaps a overhaul of civil union was needed rather than including gay people in "marriage" which now no longer means what it did even 40 years back.

There's a few reasons that I can see. Unfortunately, being married also comes with a bunch of social benefits often not awarded to gay couples (getting the spouse pension, being allowed to be involved in medical decisions, sharing assets, etc). On a more spiritual aspect, some gay couples are religious and do want to marry for that reason. Marriage nowadays is also becoming less religious and more about celebrating love. I think people should be entitled to that if they wish to in the same way that any other couple can. A civil union simply just does not hold the same meaning as marriage. Especially when the concept of marriage has evolved over the years to mean more than a simple mean to finally be able to reproduce. As for the concept of family, this is something that should extend to gay couples.

 

[November]

Most of my friends from school are married, engaged to be married or have children which is pretty much a trap unless the guy has the funds to leave the state (most of these type put a ring on the finger to shut them up). I can understand the appeal of stability and comfort, but for me at this time it makes me stir crazy. Whats the hashtag #wanderlust ? lol.

Even I was surprised by a few of my friends, those who had said they would never want children, did-so very soon after marriage and I often want to ask if it is what they would have done with a partner who didnt want children. But you cant really ask a full time mummy if she regrets it... Even if her social media is just full of how crappy it is.

There's a few reasons that I can see. Unfortunately, being married also comes with a bunch of social benefits often not awarded to gay couples (getting the spouse pension, being allowed to be involved in medical decisions, sharing assets, etc). On a more spiritual aspect, some gay couples are religious and do want to marry for that reason. Marriage nowadays is also becoming less religious and more about celebrating love. I think people should be entitled to that if they wish to in the same way that any other couple can. A civil union simply just does not hold the same meaning as marriage. Especially when the concept of marriage has evolved over the years to mean more than a simple mean to finally be able to reproduce. As for the concept of family, this is something that should extend to gay couples.

I dont disagree that all should be entitled to the same benefits, but could there be a new inclusive term or union with the same benefits extended to all people by law. Those who want a "marriage" can do so religiously but are also required by law to be in a civil union (or new appropriate term), so those who do not believe in the religious concept of marriage (and what the term marriage has been) can all get the same benefits regardless of belief or sexual orientation. I am not even really religious and I feel it cheapens what it means for those who hold strong beliefs. This isnt how it happened overseas - but we have the opportunity in my country for something like that to happen, if it was socially accepted.

I once offended a friend when she asked if I would come to Canada if she met Mr Right. I said "sure if this one sticks" she had just ended her third engagement, apparently thats so rude. Whoops. Who knew a promise to get married means nothing, but the marriage means something? Huh? (she was not religious in any way shape or form). Colour me confused.

 

[Mr Trick]

I think it is an outdated concept. Simply because being married is a small detail which has little baring on whether a relationship is happy or not. Its a nice day for the couple and their friends and family is all. IMO before people start attacking me!😱

 

[Athena]

Is marriage any different to just being a couple? On my experience, no. It's no different at all. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or deluded, because marriage won't "save" or "change" a relationship. We are no different to the way we were before we got married. In fact, it annoyed me the number of people who asked me how married life was, and did I feel different. Why would I feel any different? I just politely replied it was exactly the same as before.

Is it outdated? Well, I can't say yes can I?! I think it is if you feel it is, and it isn't if you feel it isn't. We wanted to get married, so we did, but my siblings aren't married (although they are engaged to their respective partners) and to be honest, it's no different. We just have a piece of paper to say we're married. Neither of us is religious, so it wasn't for that reason, we just decided to do it. We don't love each other any more or less than a non-married couple do.

Being married literally says nothing about your relationship. Being together says nothing either. It's just the difference between a legal partnership and a non-legal partnership. I don't see either as being better than the other.

Back in the olden days, you had to marry, especially if you wanted children, because you couldn't have a child out of wedlock. Nowadays people are free to live their lives however they wish, married or not, children or not. Marriage isn't technically outdated, it's just a choice we can either choose to make or not to make.🙂

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

"I do not want to be connected to anyone in any way." Basically, that describes how I feel. The thought of being tied down to anything (a child, a partner, a pet, a plant) is absolutely terrifying to me. I like being able to pick up and leave at a moment's notice. It's about freedom, and not owing anyone anything. No obligations.

Children are lovely....when they belong to someone else. They aren't a priority or goal in my life. Plus, the thought of something growing inside me is repugnant. My own little parasite? No thanks.

I enjoy romantic relationships...but never enough to stay with someone for an extended amount of time.

Wow, and I thought that I was an independent kind of gal. 😉

 

[Mr Trick]

Wow, and I thought that I was an independent kind of gal. 😉

Yeah think she might have you licked!😛

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Is it out dated? That depends on the people involved in the marriage. Some folk like being married some folk don't. Some church leaders seem to think people should do as they say.
The animals don't get married but many of them stay in pairs and have little ones.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Wow, and I thought that I was an independent kind of gal. 😉

 

[Professor Walsh]

We got married because it was cheaper and more fun than to get a lawyer to draw up a contract that would secure my husband's rights as a father as well as being married does, should we split up.

 

[DeadlyDuo]

We got married because it was cheaper and more fun than to get a lawyer to draw up a contract that would secure my husband's rights as a father as well as being married does, should we split up.

Doesn't your husband's name on the birth certificate secure his rights as a father?

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Husbands can be very useful in raising children:

Road Rage 101.

 

[brinkster130]

I'm recently married and I love it and have zero regrets. I'm not particularly religious, nor is my husband but it was something we both wanted to do - so we did it. We're a team and marriage just sorta made it official. But @Athena is right, it doesn't always mean things are different. Especially today when many couples already live together and share expenses.

There are numerous legal rights/benefits to being married as well. Health insurance, tax breaks, shared expenses, car insurance is often cheaper, medical decisions can be made by your partner, rights for children...I'm sure there are more, but that's what I can think of off the top of my head.

I think the difference between marriages today and those of the past are that people tend to give up easily because we live in a time when it's easy to go out and find another fish in the sea. There is always someone else, the grass is always greener...it just seems like we live in a fairytale time where people think marriages should be 100% happy all the time; and that's not realistic. Then, there is also the status symbol aspect; some people have this idea that they need to be married by a certain time and they will marry anyone just to be married. That isn't exactly a great foundation for a long term partnership.

Overall I think marriage is a personal thing. Works for some; clearly doesn't for others. If you're into it, go for it...if not, don't.

 

[thrasherpix]

For anyone interested, the last section of Women of the Celts examined love, sex, and marriage separately, and pointed out how they did not necessarily go together. I know I've read other books on the topic as well, but I remember that one the most. Long story short, marriage was more about alliances and property rights (in many past civilizations, women are included as "property" and closer to livestock than people) rather than romanticized notions of love and sex, and some have always treated it that way through the ages, even in Christian Europe centuries ago (though then it wasn't talked about openly so much). All in all, people who think marriage as it exists and is thought of today as how it has always been really have no idea just how it has changed radically, again and again, throughout human history, and marriage (and the ideas and practices of it) still vary widely today despite so many attempts to make one definition and idea of it universal for our species.

Actually, if it were up to me, we'd all be matrilinear society rather than patrilinear one, with surnames and such passed down through women rather than men. Since my reasons are OT, I'll just say it makes a lot more sense to me (and there are still societies even to this day that do that, such as the Mosuo ).

But as for modern times, I've heard some terrible and heart-wrenching stories (and major dickery by people) because gays couldn't marry (and in come cases, even when they do, like this one ), though plenty of marriages and/or divorces are horror stories in of themselves. Heh, I could share about how my aunt had a meltdown (to the point of violence) when she ranted on gays being able to marry when it was against the Bible and I showed her what the Bible said about divorce...as she was on her third husband with children by each one (which is technically adultery in the eyes of God if you want to take the Bible literally and saying it applies as much today as it did back when women weren't considered full people, but as typical she cherry picked from the Bible to match her own beliefs rather than truly letting the Bible shape her beliefs). 😀

 

[November]

So what I gather from this, the reason is still largely the benefits you recieve by law? (Of course love, but that commitment appears to be met pre-marriage)

Many animals do have one mate for life, which I think is really interesting. But in some cases, if the mate dies, so does the other.

I can see myself sticking with one sexual partner for life, but not doing the rest of the social norms in WA of buying a half a million dollar house and paying it off the rest of my life in this isolated city, with no chance of a break cos of bills. Oh but its a choice to be happy, dont forget to smile about the ball and chain.

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

Once upon a time, my mind was filled with dreams of what my wedding would be like. But after countless relationships and "prolonged encounters" I suppose I've become a bit jaded in regards to the idea of holy matrimony.
I've been involved with a couple of guys who I considered marrying, but then changed my mind. I just...freaked out at the idea of being chained to someone...forever. I felt as though iron gates were slamming shut all around me.
I would consider a marriage of convenience; perhaps an extraordinarily rich man who needed a bride for some reason...and we could both have affairs on the side. Also, we'd live apart; or in different wings of our mansion.
Yet I must say, every now and then I do wonder what it would be like to actually be married to someone I loved, and who loves me. Then I remember that he'd be around me almost all of the time. Eventually, everybody annoys me if they're around long enough.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Well I always used to think marriage was an up to date concept, then I got divorced.
Now I see marriage as an out-dated concept.