Looks or personality – what's more important?

[Goby]

Personality!! That's why I love Willow, and not Buffy or Cordy (even though they are "technically" more beautiful).

 

[zobothehobo]

I'm a personality person. If a girl makes me laugh... that's sexy. =)

 

[Marisa]

I think looks are very important and it is good to have both looks and personality, but I prefer personality. I have seen some real lookers but you get bored if that is all they have to offer. I find myself always being drawn to the people my friends call nerdy or well not hot and a lot of that has to do with their personality and just the way they are. So honestly it is about personality to me.

I think the world is very superficial but if someone prefers looks by all means that is good for them and I support them 😛

 

[Washburne]

As being mentioned already I think it depends on what your goal is. To really know a persons personality you need to spend time with them. How they look you can see (unless your blind. Shut up.😉) without knowing them. So looks and to me, the vibe they give out, charisma I guess are what you notice first and what get your attraction. If you plan to have a long term relationship other things get more important. How long that take is different for different people. That's why you can end up falling for someone that you didn't care for at all when you first met them.

Personally personality is the only chance I got. Which I guess make me very biased on this subject.

And what do you think about those who think differently than you?

That they won't be a good match for me and that I hope they meet someone that change their mind (not with argument but by feelings). If they don't I hope they enjoy their life the way it is.

Do you think the world is too superficial?

How could I not being the way I am.

it is a cliche, but that doesn't make it less true: if you like someone that person becomes beautiful.

Agree times infinity. Even if I'd change like to love. Still it can be difficult to convince some people of it unless they experience it themselves.

And its not like there is something called objective beauty anyway, it's a subjective thing, so who could even decide what "good looks" really are?

No one but some sure seem to try a whole lot to do just that. 🙁

---------- Post added at 08:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:07 AM ----------

I need to be physically attracted to someone or I just couldn't be physical with them.

I'm sure that goes for people in general. Definitely do for me. So as I said above, it comes down to what you want. If you're in a rush to get to the physical bits you're never going to get past the superficial part of attraction. With the possible exception of first doing something to cloud your judgement and/or easy to "control".

 

[Professor Walsh]

Looks can catch my interest, but it's never been enough to build a lasting relationship on.

 

[Washburne]

I'm sure that goes for people in general. Definitely do for me.

Maybe I should clarify that. As pointed out before, when you get to know someone and if your feelings for them change, so can your view on how they look change. Just because you didn't find them attractive when it comes to face, bodystructure etc to begin with it doesn't mean that it'll stay that way. I don't think you can love someone, in that certain way (there's always family love and friends love and stuff) and think they're not good enough for you to want to get physical with. Even if I guess it comes down to how you see "love".

 

[Deus Ex Machina]

I can notice someone is attractive, yes. However, their looks do not cause me to have feelings for them.

I had a teacher who was overweight, balding, wore glasses and smoked. I found him incredibly sexy and it was because of his personality. I cannot crush on anyone or have a relationship with someone or even find that person so attractive that I want them until I know their personality.

Otherwise it's just "Oh, okay they're cute." Then I wouldn't give them a second thought.

 

[Nix]

Personality. Looks help but they are not the be all and end all it is the personality that shines through and makes you fall in love with someone. You don't choose your friends for their looks you choose them because you like there personality and your partner should be your best friend as well.

 

[arabella]

Personality. Looks help but they are not the be all and end all it is the personality that shines through and makes you fall in love with someone. You don't choose your friends for their looks you choose them because you like there personality and your partner should be your best friend as well.

I don't know that it is entirely true and universally applicable that people don't choose friends based on looks. I think we like to think we do. I think that we sometimes, or maybe even often times, choose individuals to pursue friendship with based on some outward appearance. (e.g. Kind eyes, similar clothing style, or some trait we find admirable)

My high school experience was that people ended up in groups roughly, but not entirely based on physical attractiveness and cliques developed within said groups based on personality, etc. College was different. I found the post-grad work place to be similar to high school, clique-y and appearance based.
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[Ms.Trick]

Personality. Looks help but they are not the be all and end all it is the personality that shines through and makes you fall in love with someone. You don't choose your friends for their looks you choose them because you like there personality and your partner should be your best friend as well.

Like Arabella said, it's not always applicable in real life. I remember my first day at the university, I totally paid attention to the looks. But then again, it's more about the attitude. Some people who looked nice turned out to be douches, some were great indeed. In a situation you don't know anyone, looks wins over the personality because you don't know the personality yet.

 

[Nix]

In my experience I've chosen people to talk to my looks (sometimes) but friends for them to go from just someone to talk to to a friend this is by personality. SO for me personality is much more important.

 

[Skanky Vamp]

What I think is interesting is when you date a real hottie for years and then after you break up you start to see the minger that she is. Has that happened to anyone else?

 

[frankie]

I think generally looks will win out first but then you're often left with a very attractive person who's a complete and utter tool. So personality matters most in the long term but I think most people will always go for looks first. I know my friend Jay goes out with one of the hottest girls I've ever seen, she also happens to be the most horrible person I've ever met and he admits that too. So sadly the superficial can win out. But as Sco said, when it's over, he'll cop just how ugly she is 😀.

 

[Kean]

Honestly, I think it all depends on each individual person. Initially I am absolutely going to notice if someone is attractive or not. But mostly I would say it has to do with the person's demeanor.

Case and point: Toby Ziegler.

He's a character on The West Wing. At first glance I would not find him attractive. At all. But, the more familiar I became with his character, how he carried himself, and the confidence he had in his own abilities, as well as his humour, kindness and compassion. Well, quite frankly, I find him sexy as Hell.

If someone carries themselves as assured, together and confident without being cocky or arrogant, I tend to find that a Hell of a lot more attractive than any other attribute.

If a person didn't have that but was physically beautiful, it wouldn't matter if it was Geroge Clooney looking back at me. The main thing that I find sexy would be missing.

Ultimately, I think we all look for beauty. However, I don't think that beauty can be described simply in terms of physical attributes or personality. It's a weird combination of both that gradually reveals itself to you.

I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder 😉

 

[Tome]

Honestly? Both are important for me. 🙂 But... Long term, it's personality first, no question! 😛

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Has any of you ever considered looks to be a burden? This came to my mind after some people here talked about lookers who are tools...So is it harder to connect to people if you're good looking, because they just automatically assume you're dull?

This reminds me of a situation going on where I live right now. There's this 2 guys I really like, just in a different way. One of them I think is a really nice guy, and I would like to date him (although he's not bad looking either (sw)). A second guy is super hot (seriously, you should see women react to him...I'm not exaggerating), but somehow I just want to sleep with him, not date him. Even though it's not like I really knew him well enough to say he's dull or not.
So this contrast is what got me thinking...

 

[tvnerdgirl]

When you first meet somebody the first thing that will draw you to them is their looks. So in that sense, looks are very important - they are the first thing that will draw you to a person.

However, once you get to know a person looks become less important. You need to be attracted to the person you are with physically and emotionally which means you need to connect on both levels.

Looks can only get you past the initial attraction and I remember from personal experience that someone who you initially thought of as good looking can be very quickly downgraded to ugly if their personality is cruel or spiteful. Just as someone you you might oiriginally consider to be ordinary or unattractive can become very good looking once you get to know them if they have a good personality.

 

[svp]

Has any of you ever considered looks to be a burden? This came to my mind after some people here talked about lookers who are tools...So is it harder to connect to people if you're good looking, because they just automatically assume you're dull?

This reminds me of a situation going on where I live right now. There's this 2 guys I really like, just in a different way. One of them I think is a really nice guy, and I would like to date him (although he's not bad looking either (sw)). A second guy is super hot (seriously, you should see women react to him...I'm not exaggerating), but somehow I just want to sleep with him, not date him. Even though it's not like I really knew him well enough to say he's dull or not.
So this contrast is what got me thinking...

Interesting point. I don't know if I have any insight into the whole attractive=dull first impression thing, but, in terms of stereotypes, I can definitely relate to that. I'm dutch, which means I'm somewhat tall and have blonde hair. Therefore, a lot of guys meeting me for the first time tend to think I'm an idiot. They don't blatantly come out and say it, but if I had a nickel for every time I've seen a flash of surprise cross someone's face when they realize I am indeed capable of formulating an entire sentence, well, I'd have a lot of nickels.

It's frustrating because intelligence is one of the qualities I value most in a person, so having that thrown back in my face just because of my hair colour really irritates me... So, to tie my long-winded tangent back to the main point, yes, I do think that sometimes we have a hard time seeing through our preconceived notions about someone and it clouds how we interact with them.

If you're lucky, you get that moment where they say or do something completely out of character (or, the character you've created for them in your head) and you realize just how wrong you were. Not everyone gets that chance though, unfortunately.

 

[November]

Has any of you ever considered looks to be a burden? This came to my mind after some people here talked about lookers who are tools...So is it harder to connect to people if you're good looking, because they just automatically assume you're dull?

I try not to judge a book by its cover, and I certainly dont think all good looking people are dull or tools, there are just the few that do get through life on their looks alone and its hard to know who they are just by looking at them.

Honestly I tend to shy away from really good looking people, I get really intimidated. Of course I have some very good looking friends but many of them I got to know when we were young or I met them online, so it was their personality that attracted me.

 

[charmedones193]

Personality. Looks shouldn't have to matter, maybe that's why i'm single? Because everyone in this world is so worried about their looks and what other people look like...Were all unique 😀

When it comes to love things like look, gender, color, weight, height etc SHOULD NOT matter