Meeting people from online offline

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Okay, so I have this friend, also 18 years old, that goes to chatrooms a lot. She met a lot of people there and now even has a 'boyfriend'...who she has never met or seen. Now, in about a week she's going to Berlin (the German capital, approx. 500 from here) to meet this guy. And not only that, apparently she's also going to his twin brother's wedding as the bridesmaid and she will be staying in berlin for 4 days.
First I wanted to go with her to Berlin to visit my aunt and maybe take care of my friend so if anything happens she's not alone. But now I can't go due to my upcoming driver's test and well, now she wants to go alone!
Is it me or does this whole meeting sound fishy? I don't know about you, but I have alarm bells going off in my head. Isn't it a bit dangerous, at last, to go to a big city you've never been in and don't know anyone, to meet a guy you've never actually seen and be promised to attend his brother's wedding as the bridesmaid? Or am I just overreacting?

 

[Joyce Summers]

You're not over-reacting in my opinion. So many meetings from online friends such as this have ended terribly. One of the main reasons being that you can never be sure that the other person is being truthful about you they are. I mean that was what the whole 'I Robot, You Jane' episode was about in Buffy. It could be anyone.
That's why it's strongly advised that when you do meet people from offline it's done in a large group or with friends coming along and is in a public place. Much like the BB Meet-ups.
You have every right to be concerned, your friend is being, to be perfectly, awfully silly by planning to go to Berlin on her own. Anything could happen to her. She'll be alone, away from home and without support.
Do her parents know this is what she's planning to do? If so, what do they say about it? If not...not to be pro-telling on people but...tell them!

 

[white avenger]

At the surface, it sounds like the whole "When Harry Met Sally" story, but there's a real chance that this "boyfriend" might be the human equivalent of Willow's demon boyfriend. She should most definitely NOT go to meet this guy alone! If you can't go, there must be someone else (preferably very large and well armed) who could go with her. This guy might be completely sincere and everything may work out really great, but he might also be Berlin's parallel to Jack the Ripper. Plus, the entire "twin brother's bride's maid" bit is just TOO much. Hog tie the girl if you have to, but DON'T let her go to meet this guy all alone.

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

I wouldn't be surprised if her parents knew. These are the parents of the girl who went to parties all night, got so drunk other people had to carry her home and skipped school at age 15. And the parents who hung up the phone when their daugther called after 2 weeks of being on a vacation. So call me a pessimist, but I don't really think they care that much. And even if they did, the girl is 18, ergo an adult by our law, allowed to make her own decisions and do whatever she wants.
I asked her if she didn't think this whole idea was a bit over the top and too rushed but she just answered she knows she loves the boy and they have to meet so fast because this guy joins the army in June. I told her she should really reconsider this whole idea, but this girl is just so stubbornly in love with the boy and the idea.

 

[alexa]

It depends on the individual situation. This coming from someone who's meet a lot of online friends, and one boyfriend in real life later on. Maybe I'm just lucky or have a good instinct for people, but yeah I agree she should bring some support a long with her. And at least have a plan for if things go badly.

 

[caitaintdead]

There is noway you should let her do this!!! I know you can't 'not let' people do something. Maybe try scaring her a bit, bring her down to reality. If she still won't see reason and at least won't get a friend to go with her then she's obviously a bit stupid. 18 and acting like a 12 year old seems like to me.

Also, why can't he come see her? Shouldn't he be the gentlemen?

If that was my friend or sister or work colleague I would NEVER let them do this.

 

[Starlet]

I know how hard it is to make someone, who's really determined to do something to change their mind. But you should try to convince her to take someone with her. Alone, in unfamiliar city, meeting guy she's never seen before... It really can end badly. Even if she thinks she knows him well, she can never be sure.

 

[Chocolate-Drop]

I'd like to say everything would be fine, but it really doesn't sound like it. It kinda sounds like the stories you hear about people that get chopped up into little pieces or locked in someone's basement dungeon, a la, the crazy Austrian dude in the news at the moment.

I have a friend who met his girlfriend online and they're real (if slightly weird) people in a proper relationship, but the chances of that ever actually happening are very slim. To me, it sounds really creepy and rather dodgy, and if I were you I'd try your best to urge your friend to see sense as it were... even if it means telling her all the horror stories you can find about people who have gone missing while meeting people over the internet.

 

[Blondie Bear]

If it helps, I met my hubby online and he's not a stalker or homicidal maniac. On the other side of that, we'd been talking online for three years before we ever discussed meeting in person, so I felt that I knew him well enough by then, that if there was anything wrong, it would have come out. If we'd only known each other for a few months, I would never ever have flown halfway across the globe to meet him. And we have every intention of discouraging our offspring (assuming we ever have any) from doing any such thing. We're well aware how lucky we were in the meeting-online department.

 

[Dancing man]

Dont let her go chances are its something sinister. How many times in the papers do we hear about things like this that turn bad.

 

[Old Master 3.0]

You're not overreacting. It's pretty cut and dry.

She's chatted with this guy for three years, probably never even heard his voice on the phone, and he doesn't want her to know what he looks like. Yet she's going to go see this guy sight unseen, all lovey dovey about him....a guy she's never laid eyes upon. Plus, this whole convoluted wedding story. Did I mention she's never seen him?

I wouldn't trust this situation farther than I can throw it. Please heed the advice already given you by the others, and talk some sense into your friend. My spidey sense is blaring here.

Don't let that girl go there.

 

[Schillaci]

Okay, so I have this friend, also 18 years old, that goes to chatrooms a lot. She met a lot of people there and now even has a 'boyfriend'...who she has never met or seen. Now, in about a week she's going to Berlin (the German capital, approx. 500 from here) to meet this guy. And not only that, apparently she's also going to his twin brother's wedding as the bridesmaid and she will be staying in berlin for 4 days.
First I wanted to go with her to Berlin to visit my aunt and maybe take care of my friend so if anything happens she's not alone. But now I can't go due to my upcoming driver's test and well, now she wants to go alone!
Is it me or does this whole meeting sound fishy? I don't know about you, but I have alarm bells going off in my head. Isn't it a bit dangerous, at last, to go to a big city you've never been in and don't know anyone, to meet a guy you've never actually seen and be promised to attend his brother's wedding as the bridesmaid? Or am I just overreacting?

Either you are a terrible friend, or this girl means almost nothing to you, and you just want to start a topic about some dozy chick.

You can't go with her because you havea driving test?? Postpone it you loony.


At least after she gets gang raped, tortured and murdered, there will still be an upside.. You'll be able to drive yourself to her funeral!(assuming you pass)

 

[Joyce Summers]

Either you are a terrible friend, or this girl means almost nothing to you, and you just want to start a topic about some dozy chick.

You can't go with her because you havea driving test?? Postpone it you loony.


At least after she gets gang raped, tortured and murdered, there will still be an upside.. You'll be able to drive yourself to her funeral!(assuming you pass)

I find everyone of those statements inappropriate. How the hell does this make her a terrible friend? She's showing concern, worry for her, and personally I would prefer for her to convince her friend not to go rather than canceling a driver's test to GO WITH HER.
They could both end up in serious danger if they did that. Just as much as her friend going on her own.
She has posted this thread to ask for help and advice as regards to a very difficult and delicate situation; after all, she can't physically FORCE her friend not to go, she can only help her as so far as to get her to see reason and this is what this thread is about. Helping her help her friend.

And your closing sarcastic statement about driving to her funeral I find entirely uncalled for.

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Either you are a terrible friend, or this girl means almost nothing to you, and you just want to start a topic about some dozy chick.

You can't go with her because you havea driving test?? Postpone it you loony.


At least after she gets gang raped, tortured and murdered, there will still be an upside.. You'll be able to drive yourself to her funeral!(assuming you pass)

First of all, do you have any idea how expensive and time-absorbing getting your driving license is in Germany? Apparently not. Let's just say we don't have the money to mess around and delay it now. And I need to pass very badly because shortly after that I'll be moving away and need a license. It's not only that, I also have my final oral exam two days after that (which is also very important because graduating from school actually means something to me). All in all this is like the most important time of my life so far, and sorry I do not want to throw my whole future away because my friends wants to meet up with strangers.
And I do care, but what am I supposed to do? She's 18 and has her own will.

 

[Dancing man]

First of all, do you have any idea how expensive and time-absorbing getting your driving license is in Germany? Apparently not. Let's just say we don't have the money to mess around and delay it now. And I need to pass very badly because shortly after that I'll be moving away and need a license. It's not only that, I also have my final oral exam two days after that (which is also very important because graduating from school actually means something to me). All in all this is like the most important time of my life so far, and sorry I do not want to throw my whole future away because my friends wants to meet up with strangers.
And I do care, but what am I supposed to do? She's 18 and has her own will.

Your right its sounds like an important time for you and I think your doing the right thing. Make sure she knows how you feel about the situation let her know your concerns and then you have done your bit. On her head be it.

 

[Schillaci]

I find everyone of those statements inappropriate. How the hell does this make her a terrible friend? She's showing concern, worry for her, and personally I would prefer for her to convince her friend not to go rather than canceling a driver's test to GO WITH HER.
They could both end up in serious danger if they did that. Just as much as her friend going on her own.
She has posted this thread to ask for help and advice as regards to a very difficult and delicate situation; after all, she can't physically FORCE her friend not to go, she can only help her as so far as to get her to see reason and this is what this thread is about. Helping her help her friend.

And your closing sarcastic statement about driving to her funeral I find entirely uncalled for.

I find your whole post distatsteful as( it has no point other than to say 'I don't like you') its completely clueless. Her friend is going no matter what she says to her.

First of all, do you have any idea how expensive and time-absorbing getting your driving license is in Germany? Apparently not. Let's just say we don't have the money to mess around and delay it now. And I need to pass very badly because shortly after that I'll be moving away and need a license. It's not only that, I also have my final oral exam two days after that (which is also very important because graduating from school actually means something to me). All in all this is like the most important time of my life so far, and sorry I do not want to throw my whole future away because my friends wants to meet up with strangers.
And I do care, but what am I supposed to do? She's 18 and has her own will.

Unbelievable. I'm not even going to say anything, becuase anyone with a brain will read what I wrote and what you replied with, and see if I was out of line or not, (or just about spot on).

 

[Joyce Summers]

I find your whole post distatsteful as( it has no point other than to say 'I don't like you') its completely clueless. Her friend is going no matter what she says to her.

The point of my post was not to say 'I don't like you' as that matter was entirely irrelevant, if presently true. The point of my post was to point out the unhelpfulness and abusiveness of your own post towards Social Suicide.

Speaking of, I was wondering SS, has your friend any photo of him at all? Has she any idea what he supposedly looks like? Or is the ball entirely in his court? Because my point is, if she believes him to be who he claims he is, how is she supposed to recognize him if she has no idea what he, and again I say supposedly, looks like?

 

[Tueuse de Vampires]

Speaking of, I was wondering SS, has your friend any photo of him at all? Has she any idea what he supposedly looks like? Or is the ball entirely in his court? Because my point is, if she believes him to be who he claims he is, how is she supposed to recognize him if she has no idea what he, and again I say supposedly, looks like?

Well apparently has shown her a picture of him, but I'm not so sure it means anything. She described him to me as the perfect Emo (she likes Emo) a guy every girl would dream about. So either he's really that good looking or it's a fake. Now I sound even more paranoid, don't I?

 

[Joyce Summers]

You don't sound more than paranoid. You sound well within the realms of concerned. People give fake photos all the time, so you can't really trust them. Meetings like this online have gone wrong so many times. It just seems she's going so far away, isolating herself from anywhere and anyone she knows, to meet a guy who could be old or crazy or a circus freak.
If she's that desperate to meet him and is not to be deterred tell her it would be better and safer for all of them if he comes up to see her. In a crowded place. With all her friends around her. In public.

This whole go-to-Berlin-alone thing just seems too untrustworthy and dangerous.

 

[caitaintdead]

Hey SS, I don't think you're a loony or a terrible friend for worrying about a friend that seems to be spiraling out of control.

I really hope you manage to find a way out of this situation that is beneficial to all parties involved... Keep us updated okay?