People who don't want children

[ashleigh]

Why should anyone feel obliged to have children? The world is unsustainable as it is, people who don't want children shouldn't have them just because others think they should.

Whether or not to have children is a personal choice, and is no one else's business, whichever choice is made. 🙂 Of course if a couple doesn't want children it's their responsibility to ensure as far as possible that a baby is not conceived.

 

[Kean]

I absolutely do not agree with some kind of test for a person to procreate- my body, my choice. And really, HOW would you do that, & WHO would do that? It's not feasible & against my right to privacy.

I didn't mean it as a "test", and it has nothing to do with your body or your ability to bear children. It has to do with the amount of consideration put into raising them before becoming pregnant.

I just think if people had to actually sit down and think consciously about how they, as a couple, want to raise a child, do they share the same beliefs on parenting? what values they want to instill in their kids, how they are going to provide for them, where they will bring them up, etc etc etc. Going through the adoption process, you have to answer all of these types of questions, in dept. I honestly believe that if you had to do this it would make for better parents. In my experience too many people jump into having kids without considering any of this. Sometimes people work it out, but a lot of the time they don't. I just don't think parents need to be fully aware of how important they are to their kids lives. How much influence they have.

I know many couples do do this, but not everyone and I think everyone should.

 

[EvilBuffy]

I'd like to give everyone who posted here some karma but that would take a while. 🙂 So karma for all here!

I just want to say that even if the world disagreed with my choice not to have children, I would never feel pressured into having one. I'm not one to give in to social pressure regardless of the situation. After reading the responses here I'm less angry about what the woman said to me and honestly just feel very sorry for her. She is a good deal older than myself and must have been raised to believe that being a mother isn't an option, it's an obligation.

 

[kittenpoker]

This just makes me think that sometimes people just need something to be upset about. It's a silly thing (in my mind) to judge someone else for.

 

[patriot1123]

I'm a little bit amazed that anyone would presume to judge the private choices that someone else makes. There are many totally legitimate reasons that people choose not to have children. And even if there weren't, that's a completely personal, private choice. I have respect for anybody's choice in that respect.

I have many dear friends who have chosen not to have children, and it's obviously the right thing for them. That's all that matters.

That said, having a child was the single greatest thing I ever did. I was gobsmacked by the realization that I'd created a person I loved (and love) more than life itself.

It's perhaps important to point out that I was older (34) when I had my son, and totally ready to settle down and commit to a child.

And what a fantastic ride it has been, and will continue to be.

The only downside, for me, in having a child is, well, the saying: "Having a child is like having your heart go walking around outside your body." The anxiety is sometimes overwhelming. But it's worth it.

 

[VisionGirl]

I didn't mean it as a "test", and it has nothing to do with your body or your ability to bear children. It has to do with the amount of consideration put into raising them before becoming pregnant.

I just think if people had to actually sit down and think consciously about how they, as a couple, want to raise a child, do they share the same beliefs on parenting? what values they want to instill in their kids, how they are going to provide for them, where they will bring them up, etc etc etc. Going through the adoption process, you have to answer all of these types of questions, in dept. I honestly believe that if you had to do this it would make for better parents. In my experience too many people jump into having kids without considering any of this. Sometimes people work it out, but a lot of the time they don't. I just don't think parents need to be fully aware of how important they are to their kids lives. How much influence they have.

I know many couples do do this, but not everyone and I think everyone should.

I agree with this. It's the same thing about marriage. We went to premarital counseling & it helped immensely. Yes I think more people should do it. But do I think it should be legislated or forced in anyway? No. Same thing with having children. I married at 28 & had my 1st child at 31. My husband and I had discussed all kinds of things regarding children and our family. We were ready. At least as ready as we could be beforehand- there are some things you just cannot anticipate until you experience it. I still don't think this should or can be legislated or forced in any way. It can certainly be encouraged.

I just want to say that even if the world disagreed with my choice not to have children, I would never feel pressured into having one. I'm not one to give in to social pressure regardless of the situation. After reading the responses here I'm less angry about what the woman said to me and honestly just feel very sorry for her. She is a good deal older than myself and must have been raised to believe that being a mother isn't an option, it's an obligation.

Or she could just be someone who enjoyed being a parent. Some people simply can't imagine someone else making decisions different than their own. That makes them insensitive but not necessarily malicious.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

What are your thoughts on women and men who don't want children? Do you think it's wrong for a woman not to want to be a mother? Do you look down on those who wish to remain childless?

I know I'm not fit to be a mother and never will be. I've had a few people comment on how selfish I am not to 'do my job as a woman' so I'm just curious on the general opinion of my fellow BBers.

Firstly, I'd like to offer to apologize on behalf of the insensitive bitca who told you that you were "selfish" and not doing your "job" because you have chosen not to have children. A woman's worth is not based on our ability to conceive. We are more than just a uterus waiting to impregnate. It is not "your job" to have children. It is your "job" to live your life in exactly the way you wish - with or without children to share it with. That's why women fought to legalize abortion, so they could have to choice whether to conceive or not.

It's not like we need to populate the world or our species will die off, anyway. There are 7 billion of us.

That said, I believe myself to be a person who will probably not have my own children. Sure, that might change, but I doubt it. I That does not mean I dislike children. I'd rather adopt, or host a foster child, personally. I have no strong desire at this point to have my own biological child.

No one passes judgement on a man for not wanting childen, yet somehow a women, simply because she bears them, should want them. And if we for whatever reason don't want them, we are judged, we feel self-conscious, as if we are lacking some basic maternal instinct. Guess what? Some of us don't have that, and that's alright.

Next time you see this women, I urge you to put her in her place. She needs a reality check. Or better yet, have her email me. I'll tell her that's up.