I picture shipping wars like going to a restaurant with a bunch of people where each person orders something different from the menu. If I order chicken and someone else orders beef, I could get into an argument that says:
"Why did you pick beef? Only people who want more cholesterol would pick beef and nobody needs more cholesterol. Red meat is bad for you! You should renounce your evil ways and eschew (not chew) all red meat. Do you realize the environmental impact of raining cows? The methane alone is bad for the planet! You should repent your evil ways and join us chicken-eaters."
And if there is a vegetarian in the crowd, it could get even more strident:
"How can you eat God's creatures? Animals have feelings, too. How would you like it if you fell a little lower on the food chain and had animals after you because you taste good?"
Shipping is the same sort of thing. Romances in stories are there to serve the story. A romance is judged by how well it serves the story. A slayer in love with a vampire? That definitely is there for the impact it has on the characters and how it forces the story to change. You get to see other characters' reactions to the pairing and that becomes part of their character reveal as well. There are people in real life who get married and I can say (to myself), "That is a big mistake" or "They should be good for each other", but I am not invested in their problems. In the same way, fictional characters get together and I can think that they either should or shouldn't be together but I am not invested in the romance - just the direction this is going to lead the plot and the other relationships in the story. You get Giles nonplussed about Angel and Buffy being together and Faith asking, "What's it like boinking the undead?" and this reveals something about their characters due to the ripple effect it has on other people in the story. And it drives the plot in many ways.
The romances that are shown do not feature any of the friction between two people and what they do together. What if one is an outdoors character and the other is a couch potato? What if one blows money on things the other thinks are useless? What if one wants sex every day and the other doesn't want it more than once a month? The romances in Buffy never get to the point where we see if they are actually compatible in the aspects of living together.
But other than what it does for the story, I have no real interest in who hooks up with whom.
I so love this!
I tell people (mostly those I beta for) that I believe sex scenes should SERVE the narrative rather than just the libido -- and I think the same is true for relationships - they should serve the story, not drive it. I like great writing! I think when one writes (or reads) fiction, or when we watch a TV show or movie, the interactions of people with each other is a major part of what makes the narrative interesting. It may give us a 'charge' when we see the 'one true pairing' or the 'hot sexxx' but unless it serves something deeper, it really is just a blip in the story. In the series, the relationships -- all of them, not just the partnerships (
not the soap opera, but the deeper ways the characters affect each other) -- are a large part of what makes Buffy worth watching 25 years on. If it were just about the monster of the week or the hot (in teenage terms) sexual content, no one would be watching it now.
There were so many shows on the air back then that were bigger 'hits' but many of them have been forgotten.
Some of them had 'smoldering' hot kisses and in some cases more... But Buffy has rich characters, who have complicated interactions and who make difficult choices and who grow and change and challenge each other... and that makes Buffy never bore me. I see new things in the characters as I go through different parts of my life... because Buffy feels realer than much of what I've seen on screen before or since.
I am not saying that hot sex is not fun or that partner chemistry doesn't matter... I'm saying it needs to be part of a whole and whatever its flaws, Buffy always succeeds at this!
I'm also saying that 'the perfect partnership' -- that romantic ideal where people find ONE person that is the 'only one' is
not consistent with reality. Yes, there are better and worse pairings and I think most of us find we relate more to some than others... but i don't get the enmity or the ENMESHMENT with pairings and WORSE -- the enmeshment with OTHER PEOPLE'S choices. I'm a 'spuffy' but even though 'bangel' doesn't resonate with me, I don't hate the idea or hate people who love the idea. In my fic, I have written Buffy (and others) with all sorts of partners (I write mostly crossovers, so my pairing choices are almost limitless, and I LOVE trying to see how Buffy characters can resonate with different characters from different universes).
I think that if you're writing fic, and you give the reader a real and deep insight into the pairing that you see (not just rah rah rah fanwank) -- you can actually make the oddest pairings 'spark' and even 'pop' off the page.
The world is made of variety. The world is BEST when there is variety. Even genetics shows this. The more 'out-bred' we are, the healthier we tend to be. So called 'mongrels' rock!
If we all loved the same person or
were the same person and had the same tastes, the world would be a very boring place.
When we get locked into 'one way or the highway' that RIGIDITY BECOMES TOXIC. Wherever I see extreme rigidity, I see a
BRITTLE community, subject to division and even disintegration. In society, when we embrace that kind of divisive thinking we get BIGOTRY.
Yes, I said it.
I think that shipping wars are a form of bigotry.
***PLEASE NOTE***: I
don't think
loving one or another pairing is bigotry... but i think the whole 'i hate __________' and I think you are stupid if you love ______'
THAT is bigoted.
Hating someone for their personal taste is stupid whether it is fandom or food or anything else. That is up there with hating someone for
loving someone we 'don't think they should love'... Oh yeah, we have been so good at that in society too... and it has never gotten us anywhere good. It has hurt many, many good people.
Love is love.
The
rage that attaches to defending one's one true pairing is just idiotic and puerile.
I think after 25 years, our community is small (though it still manages to add people to it) and we need to embrace people who love Buffy and company, rather than balkanizing into armed camps of various pairings. Let us let go of the ferocious defense of ANY camp. It's great that we love and have passion for Buffy and we all have favorites... just...
I think it's time and past time to let go of hostilities over those choices.
Buffy is big enough for all our ships and all our non-ships. Welcome to Buffy-love!
_____
Blue's opinion on sex writing:
BLUES RULES FOR WRITING SEX...
