The Scoobies and Xander's girlfriends

[Cherchezlafemme]

I'm watching season three of Buffy and purposely skipped Lover's Walk because I hated the Xander/Willow trysts. But I suddenly realized how horrible Buffy and Willow were to Xander's girlfriends. While he dated Cordelia and Anya, they accepted them (but weren't coy about dirty looks and sarcasm), but once he broke up with them, Cordelia and Anya were basically on the outs. And yet, Xander treated them both horribly (esp Anya) and the break-ups were his fault!!!!

I just don't get why first Cordelia was treated with indifference, and then Anya was treated with barely concealed contempt. Also, why didn't Buffy and Willow ever call him out on his behavior towards his gf's? Was it jealousy? Did they secretly like Xander being the loner geek they could call on whenever they needed him?

 

[Bungle Jerry]

Well, blood is thicker than water. Buffy, Willow and Xander are so tight-knit that nothing's going to interfere with that. With Anya, they do gently say 'you really treated her badly', but when push comes to shove, they still accept him for all his faults. Anya, however involved she got, was always in the Scoobies only because she was dating Xander. She was never really Buffy's freind, just Buffy's friend's girlfriend.

I agree with you that it's unfair, but certainly neither Cordy nor Anya were introduced nicely. They were both malevolent to begin with, and I don't think Buffy or Willow were ever able to get past that first impression.

 

[sosa lola]

I guess in the end of the day, Buffy and Willow weren't really their friends, but they were Xander's friends. Actually, Buffy does blame Xander for cheating on Cordelia. When he was looking for pity, she told him off, saying he deserves what he's getting. And with Anya, Xander looked so heartbroken, Buffy and Willow didn't have the heart to chide him, he already knew he made a mistake.

 

[TheChosenTwo]

First of all: I command you to watch Lover's Walk, young lady. It's a fantastic episode.

And I totally agree. They just didn't like Cordy, because she was a total bitca to them (and Willow was upset because she was in love with Xander when she found out) and yeah, Anya was a demon. Demons are bad 😉 Maybe it was a little bit of jealousy too, that they weren't Xander's only favourite girls anymore.

 

[sosa lola]

and yeah, Anya was a demon. Demons are bad 😉 Maybe it was a little bit of jealousy too, that they weren't Xander's only favourite girls anymore.

I doubt it's jealousy. I mean, compare between Anya and Tara. Tara is friendly, sweet, helpful, shy, polite, but Anya is tactless, confessed that she only cares about Xander, tries to get rid of Giles to have the Magic Box all for herself...

It's easier to be friends with Tara.

And you raise an important point, TheChosenTwo. Both Cordelia and Anya didn't really like Buffy and Willow in return. It was mutual dislike.

 

[ApesFindShapes]

I think it does have to do with first impressions and the fact that they all disliked each other from the beginning. Buffy and Willow were tolerant of Xander's girlfriends though, which says a lot considering they didn't particularly like them. Buffy and Wil weren't going to take Cordelia or Anya's side no matter how Xander treated them. Xander is their friend; they're merely associated with Cordy and Anya.

 

[Mumrik]

The Scoobies are a very tight-knit group and cautious of whom they let into their "inner circle". Neither Cordelia nor Anya really made an effort to become friends with Buffy and Willow and both weren't exactly people who are easy to like. They associated because they had to but that's it. So I think it's only natural for Buffy and Willow to not (want to) associte with them anymore after Xander broke up with them.
If you think about it and put yourself in the same position, if a close friend of yours had a girl/boyfriend you didn't like but just had to deal with because they were dating your friend and then it was over between them, wouldn't you be relieved that they were finally gone and don't really care how?

The same thing is obvious too in Buffy's and Willow's relationships, though admittedly not to the same extent. Oz and Tara were both easier to like because of their personalities, but even they remained outsiders, in Oz's case in the long run and Tara until the end of "Family". With Buffy, we have Angel whom Xander always remained wary of, to put it mildly, and whom Willow took a long time to trust again, too, Riley maybe was easy enough to like but even he remained on the outskirts and I don't think we really have to discuss Spike.

 

[PrincessBuffy16]

Cordelia chose by herself not to be in their little group. She wanted her life back, but she also wanted to pay Xander back. So she stayed in his company just to hurt him with little words and her presence, but I think in the end she forgave him. They really closed that chapter with him buying that dress for her. And Buffy was worried about her, that time at Bronze she came after her, but Cordy was so pissed she said some bad words to her. And I guess Willow didn't took any action because she was feeling guilty maybe more then Xander.
Buffy also cared about Anya when they broke up, maybe not after because of her depression, but she did came to her apartment in Selfless to help her. And Willow was very busy with her own things. Xander still cared about Anya, but couldn't reach her because she was still hurting.
But in the end I agree with others, Buffy and Willow were first Xander's friends.

 

[BuffyElevated]

I disagree on the Scoobies' treating Xander's girlfriends unfairly. True, they were his girlfriends, but don't you remember how these characters started off on the show? Cordelia was a prima biatch who never had a nice word for any of them and Anya was a demon who tried to send them all to an alternate dimension in which they all died. So do I find their treatment of them unfair? Nope.

 

[Icarium]

I just don't get why first Cordelia was treated with indifference, and then Anya was treated with barely concealed contempt.

Cordelia should count herself lucky that she wasn't treated with total hostility considering the way she treated Buffy and Willow. As for Anya...let's just say that most people wouldn't be too happy if a friend of theirs decides to hook up with an unrepentant mass murderer. I like having Anya in the show, mind you, but Xander deciding to have a relationship with her and Willow, Giles and Buffy being pretty much okay with the idea is just bizarre and out of character for everybody, IMO. So having Buffy and Willow not become best buds with Anya is for my money pretty much the least the writers should have done in that situation.

 

[Tome]

Like others have said. They never had to treat them well, they were often hostile toward both Buffy and Willow. And again I hate it when peoples bash Xand to the ground for what happened with Anya. Also he kissed Willow, but so did she, Oz forgive her(I mean come on it was only a kiss) and Cordy was too stubborn to even talk to him about it or just get over it. I thought it was a bit hypocrite of her when you know how she has been with peoples before. Buffy, Willow, Xander, they always stick for each other 😀 That was my two cents.

 

[anyatara]

I have mixed feelings about how I think Buffy and Willow treated Cordelia and Anya. I think it was mildly fair to treat them both with such hostility at times, and basically act as though neither of the two were liked; but I do think, to begin with at least they had good reason. As has been mentioned, yes; Cordy was heartless towards them to begin with, and Anya had been a demon who had tried to have them killed. So to begin with, I understand. But, as time progressed it seems less fair; both of the pair proved themselves to be allies to the Scoobies; even if Cordelia did complain a lot, she did help to research and she helped in other ways; killing the bug man in What's my Line Part II, helping at graduation day...Stuff like that. I think it was unfair that she was always treated just as 'Xander's girlfriend' even up until she went to LA.

Then there was Anya. I think for a while, Willow and Buffy seemed to take to her a little; and then after she slept with Spike they seemed to act as though everything was her fault, despite the fact Xander was the one who left her at the altar. I think with Anya it was different; they knew her for four years, she was close to Giles, she was engaged to Xander and yet still they didn't seem to thrilled to have her around. She was valuable to them so much of the time, though, cause she had knowledge from her demon days and still had a few contacts in the demon world, and she helped research and what not. It didn't bother me so much the way they treated her (Because, come on, Triangle; the Willow/Anya dynamic amuses me so), but what did bother with me was how they didn't even seem to have a reaction after she died. They were obviously aware that Anya was no longer alive due to the fact she wasn't there; but none of them seemed sorry about it, neither of them even asked Xander about it. *Rant, that problably makes no sense to anyone but me, over*.

 

[sosa lola]

and then after she slept with Spike they seemed to act as though everything was her fault, despite the fact Xander was the one who left her at the altar.

I have to disagree. I don't really remember Buffy or Willow accusing Anya that everything is her fault. On the contrary, Willow thought she should hate Xander for what he had done to Anya, both Buffy and Willow sympathized with her, and let's not forget Willow's reaction when she first saw Anya after the wedding that never happened, she gave her a big hug and was obviously happy to see her back.

Buffy should have put a stop to Anya granting wishes a long time ago, but she let her be for months, granting so many wishes and hurting so many men. Eventually, when it came to murder, Buffy had to stop her, and Xander loved her. Why did Buffy give her all that time? Because she knew her. If Anya was someone random, she would have been slayed long time ago.

 

[Marisa]

I have mixed feelings about how I think Buffy and Willow treated Cordelia and Anya. I think it was mildly fair to treat them both with such hostility at times, and basically act as though neither of the two were liked; but I do think, to begin with at least they had good reason. As has been mentioned, yes; Cordy was heartless towards them to begin with, and Anya had been a demon who had tried to have them killed. So to begin with, I understand. But, as time progressed it seems less fair; both of the pair proved themselves to be allies to the Scoobies; even if Cordelia did complain a lot, she did help to research and she helped in other ways; killing the bug man in What's my Line Part II, helping at graduation day...Stuff like that. I think it was unfair that she was always treated just as 'Xander's girlfriend' even up until she went to LA.

Then there was Anya. I think for a while, Willow and Buffy seemed to take to her a little; and then after she slept with Spike they seemed to act as though everything was her fault, despite the fact Xander was the one who left her at the altar. I think with Anya it was different; they knew her for four years, she was close to Giles, she was engaged to Xander and yet still they didn't seem to thrilled to have her around. She was valuable to them so much of the time, though, cause she had knowledge from her demon days and still had a few contacts in the demon world, and she helped research and what not. It didn't bother me so much the way they treated her (Because, come on, Triangle; the Willow/Anya dynamic amuses me so), but what did bother with me was how they didn't even seem to have a reaction after she died. They were obviously aware that Anya was no longer alive due to the fact she wasn't there; but none of them seemed sorry about it, neither of them even asked Xander about it. *Rant, that problably makes no sense to anyone but me, over*.

I agree with a lot you said and especially toward Anya. I know Xander is their best friend but it seemed like they glossed over him. Anya was hurting she was in pain by what happened to her. We have to remember this was a woman who was a vengeance demon for this exact reason and then it happens to her. Not only is that embarrassing because of her old contacts but it is heartbreaking. I just don't think it was fair. When Oz left Willow everyone rallied around her for a bit and kept asking if she was okay and I would have liked this same behavior toward Anya at times. I know she slept with Spike but Xander was quick to forget his past sins. Does he not remember when he cheated on Cordelia for Willow? It is as if his actions aren't punished at all and I don't find that fair. Cordy and Anya are very likable characters none the less because of how much they grew over the years. They became more than Xanders girlfriend or ex IMO.

 

[Mumrik]

But you see it from a viewer's perspective, not Buffy's or Willow's. They may have come to accept Anya over the years but they didn't actually like her all that much. Of course Xander leaving her at the altar was wrong and that was acknowledged by both of them. It's just that they were Xander's friends, not Anya's. People tend to forgive their friends much easier for mistakes, especially if they didn't like said friend's significant other all that much to begin with. Fairness doesn't factor into that.

 

[Marisa]

But you see it from a viewer's perspective, not Buffy's or Willow's. They may have come to accept Anya over the years but they didn't actually like her all that much. Of course Xander leaving her at the altar was wrong and that was acknowledged by both of them. It's just that they were Xander's friends, not Anya's. People tend to forgive their friends much easier for mistakes, especially if they didn't like said friend's significant other all that much to begin with. Fairness doesn't factor into that.

I understand that as well but I find it hard to believe that they didn't like her all that much. They had to have had some kind of bond toward her over the years. It is just weird to me because it seems like they are accepting of significant others like Tara and Oz into the group but not ones like Cordy and Anya. Maybe it is just Buffy and willow being insecure i don't know I just find it a little odd.

 

[Mumrik]

In my opinion, a main reason for that is that Tara and Oz are much easier to accept/like/get along with personality-wise. They're both very quiet, un-complicated people and if you don't like them, you can just simply ignore their presence because they don't stand out all that much. Cordelia and Anya, on the other hand, are both very loud, headstrong and outspoken, to the point of just being rude, and thus really hard to ignore. You'd be constantly reminded of their presence.

 

[Marisa]

In my opinion, a main reason for that is that Tara and Oz are much easier to accept/like/get along with personality-wise. They're both very quiet, un-complicated people and if you don't like them, you can just simply ignore their presence because they don't stand out all that much. Cordelia and Anya, on the other hand, are both very loud, headstrong and outspoken, to the point of just being rude, and thus really hard to ignore. You'd be constantly reminded of their presence.

Well that is true the outspoken being harder to ignore I see that point and agree with it.

 

[sosa lola]

I agree with a lot you said and especially toward Anya. I know Xander is their best friend but it seemed like they glossed over him. Anya was hurting she was in pain by what happened to her. We have to remember this was a woman who was a vengeance demon for this exact reason and then it happens to her. Not only is that embarrassing because of her old contacts but it is heartbreaking. I just don't think it was fair. When Oz left Willow everyone rallied around her for a bit and kept asking if she was okay and I would have liked this same behavior toward Anya at times. I know she slept with Spike but Xander was quick to forget his past sins. Does he not remember when he cheated on Cordelia for Willow? It is as if his actions aren't punished at all and I don't find that fair. Cordy and Anya are very likable characters none the less because of how much they grew over the years. They became more than Xanders girlfriend or ex IMO.

The difference is that Xander is their best friend. Anya isn't. And as I said, Willow thought she should hate Xander for leaving Anya at the altar, both Buffy and Willow sympathized with her, and Willow's reaction when she first saw Anya after the non-wedding, she gave her a big hug and was obviously happy to see her back.

And Xander was punished for his actions. Cordelia and Anya never gave him a second chance, spent most of their time insulting him and making his life a living hell with their comments, and Anya tried to curse him -actually wished he never existed thinking her wish would be granted.

 

[Tome]

And Xander was punished for his actions. Cordelia and Anya never gave him a second chance, spent most of their time insulting him and making his life a living hell with their comments, and Anya tried to curse him -actually wished he never existed thinking her wish would be granted.

Exactly... and to be honest I felt hatred toward Anya for doing all this afterward. It was very immature and she sounded like a whining kid. I understand she was sad this happened, but come on, not only did Xander still wanted to be with her, if she hated him for it, why didn't she just move on to something else? I will never side with Anya on that whole mess. Xander did something wrong, but she did much worse afterward.

P.S: Oh and sorry mum ;P