Samuel Reyes
Chilling in SunnyD
I was recently at a panel with James Marsters at a con and he explained that Joss asked the writers to think about something they regretted, that kept them up at night. One female writer said that she pushed herself on her boyfriend, thinking that if they had sex he would change his mind on leaving her. However, the situation translates differently when it's a man pushing himself on a woman. Neither are good, but one appears more drastic than the other.
I've heard that story; James gets asked about it quite a lot. The situation translates very differently even on a female empowerment show such as this one and I still don't think it was a good move at all, considering we were meant to sympathize with Spike for trying to romance Buffy and then her treating him like dirt. They should have kept it fairly lighthearted as it was in Season 5, but since the theme of Season 6 might as well be "life can be a bitch", I certainly understand their reasons for wanting to take the material to a darker place.