Too soon?

[Faith 2019]

To be fair (if you go by air date) Tara died in early May and Willow didn't really start dating Kennedy till February. That's 9 months. Not exactly jumping from one relationship to another. Plus I think, in the show's time, it was actually a little longer than that even. 🤔

Good point. And it was not like her going to gay bars to pick up women. She was not getting drunk, breaking beer bottles, and stabbing women in the neck.

 

[MarieVampSlayer]

Who wants a Mary Sue? Anyway, the errors in the make-up of Buffy and Willow makes it clear they are not a Mary Sue. That makes them more interesting to watch.

Ok so I guess we agree? I'm just confused because that was not an issue in my post. Nevermind 🙂

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Willow was going to be in the same emotional rut for decades if Kennedy hadn't kissed her. Don't forget, Kennedy had seen her when she had morphed into Warren. Most people would have run off screaming if that had happened to them, but Kennedy was courageous as well as persistent.

I have told this story before but when we were first married, the 75-year old woman who lived alone in the apartment next to us told us she had a boyfriend who had gone off to WWI and never came back. Just think of it - she went through the flapper era, the depression, WWII, the postwar boom and into the 70's without a man in her life because she said he was the only one she would ever consider. She would have been an attractive woman all her life - most women a third of her age would gladly swap bodies (well, measurements) with her and although her face had lines, you could see she was a good-looking woman all her life, so there would be no lack of opportunity. This would have been Willow without Kennedy. Although she said she was sorry to the heavens where she assumed Tara was, there was no one actually there to listen and no one to object.

Kennedy did what was necessary at the right point in Willow's life. She broke the connection between Willow and Tara for a couple of seconds, long enough to break the obsession.

 

[caitaintdead]

I have told this story before but when we were first married, the 75-year old woman who lived alone in the apartment next to us told us she had a boyfriend who had gone off to WWI and never came back. Just think of it - she went through the flapper era, the depression, WWII, the postwar boom and into the 70's without a man in her life because she said he was the only one she would ever consider. She would have been an attractive woman all her life - most women a third of her age would gladly swap bodies (well, measurements) with her and although her face had lines, you could see she was a good-looking woman all her life, so there would be no lack of opportunity. This would have been Willow without Kennedy. Although she said she was sorry to the heavens where she assumed Tara was, there was no one actually there to listen and no one to object.

This is worryingly similar to me. My boyfriend and one true love was deployed to Afghanistan and did not return. I have dabbled lightly with relationships but there is a piece of me that will never believe there is anyone else out there for me. I have realised this and have not dated (or anything else for that matter) all year.

The one thing that I would debate though is that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. I do not believe that being in a relationship is the only way to be happy. Desperately searching for someone to fill the place that my partner left me just made everything worse. I have been far more at ease with who I am and have found true happiness as a single person.

 

[caitaintdead]

Oh, and the big difference is that no one wants my chubby body 😛

 

[Ethan Reigns]

This is worryingly similar to me. My boyfriend and one true love was deployed to Afghanistan and did not return. I have dabbled lightly with relationships but there is a piece of me that will never believe there is anyone else out there for me. I have realised this and have not dated (or anything else for that matter) all year.

The one thing that I would debate though is that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. I do not believe that being in a relationship is the only way to be happy. Desperately searching for someone to fill the place that my partner left me just made everything worse. I have been far more at ease with who I am and have found true happiness as a single person.

First of all, my condolences. We tend to idealize those who can never return.

If you want to break out of this, you need to meet a lot more men. We tend to make decisions based on a very small sample and some of the dating sites with questionnaires about the things you consider important may help weed out the obvious mismatches. (Or you need a Kennedy substitute that will distract you long enough.)

 

[Ethan Reigns]

Oh, and the big difference is that no one wants my chubby body 😛

Not all men have the same taste in women or Joss' taste in women. The emaciated 94 lb Buffy of the later seasons is not to my taste at all. She looked much better when she started at 115 lb. But look around you when you go to a mall - some women are decidedly out of shape and have still managed to find a husband and raise a family as if no such considerations ever existed. The stick figure women in modern movies look OK but the glamour girls of yesteryear like Hedy Lamarr, who were not as obsessed about weight and had actual curves, looked better. (And Hedy Lamarr was one of the most intelligent ones - under her married name of Hedwig MacDonald, she was co-holder of the original patent on frequency-agile communication. Bluetooth wouldn't have happened without her. I tend to appreciate fellow patent holders.)

From your videos, you are quite pretty and if you are still concerned about excess fat, you have the right to sculpt your body into anything you want. Typical British cuisine will leave you in poor health as well as chubby, so learn the properties of food if it matters to you. My wife recommends Weight Watchers as an organization that allows you to eat anything (but you have to account for what you eat in the form of points) and also teaches you what is important and what is not. I don't always agree with them. The idea that most fruit is zero points when it obviously contains a lot of fructose seems strange to me but they seem to make it work, even for people who can't exercise much.

 

[caitaintdead]

Not all men have the same taste in women or Joss' taste in women. The emaciated 94 lb Buffy of the later seasons is not to my taste at all. She looked much better when she started at 115 lb. But look around you when you go to a mall - some women are decidedly out of shape and have still managed to find a husband and raise a family as if no such considerations ever existed. The stick figure women in modern movies look OK but the glamour girls of yesteryear like Hedy Lamarr, who were not as obsessed about weight and had actual curves, looked better. (And Hedy Lamarr was one of the most intelligent ones - under her married name of Hedwig MacDonald, she was co-holder of the original patent on frequency-agile communication. Bluetooth wouldn't have happened without her. I tend to appreciate fellow patent holders.)

From your videos, you are quite pretty and if you are still concerned about excess fat, you have the right to sculpt your body into anything you want. Typical British cuisine will leave you in poor health as well as chubby, so learn the properties of food if it matters to you. My wife recommends Weight Watchers as an organization that allows you to eat anything (but you have to account for what you eat in the form of points) and also teaches you what is important and what is not. I don't always agree with them. The idea that most fruit is zero points when it obviously contains a lot of fructose seems strange to me but they seem to make it work, even for people who can't exercise much.

Thanks! However, I'm not British 😛 Unfortunately my excess body weight is due to PCOS. I'm currently on a very low calorie diet (under doctor's advice 600-800 calories) and pairing that with bodybalance and hopefully I'll fall back into a healthier weight range soon!

 

[joseph]

I'm more ok with Buffy starting a new relationship than Willow. Bangel ended in relatively peaceful mutual agreement. It was like closing a chapter. Should she have been single longer? Maybe, but I don't mind that she wasn't..

With Willow however, the violent way Tillow ended and the almost carefree way Willow/Kennedy started was so jarring. It could've been more believable to me if Willow/Kennedy was something casual but a relationship? I might be projecting but it felt way too much, way too soon. buffy first never really liked Riley, her & angel r great. but as for Willow & Tara, never r the perfect couple, no one could replace Tara okay come on no way to deny they r the prefect Couple, and with there cat Miss Kitty cute overload.

 

[thrasherpix]

Because of ongoing events on my life (plus funeral), I've been thinking (and talking) a lot about my past with those around me. And one of the things I realized is that most of my time in a relationship is because of aggressive chasing of me.

I'm perfectly fine being single, and actually find it convenient. I consider it a sick irony of life that many people can't get into a romantic relationship though they're desperate to while I, who could take them or leave them, have spent very little time without one. But I know in part it's because so many, male and female, are afraid to put themselves out there in the first place (though then again, some people are addicted to the unattainable than they are to those who express interest, even losing interest if the unattainable person suddenly becomes interested).

It's not always great...one relationship was do dysfunctional and ended so badly that it would've been worthy to be told on The L Word. The one I'm in right now--and she was sneaky as well as aggressive so that my guard was down until I realized I was snared--is much better, and it's hard to complain, despite that she just used a more sophisticated version of how Kennedy ensnared Willow.

Granted I wonder what would've happened had I resisted...I can make a good guess that I'd have ended up moving in with my best friend once I got kicked out of my place, but after that all bets are off. Maybe I'd be in another relationship now, or maybe I'd be gloriously single. Given that I didn't spend so much on kids as I did in my own timeline, I'd have likely made that trip to Europe I always wanted to (though on another note I wouldn't have bought Angel or otherwise gotten back into this fandom and likely never came here to BB). But things unfolded as they did, and I'm not complaining about it (though I doubt I'd be complaining if I took another path, either).

As I reflect on this, I'm reevaluating my personal philosophy. We live in the real world rather than an ideal one, and the real world has different demands and code of conduct from an ideal world. And what I'd say on aggressive pursuit of someone may become different. As long as relatively decent people aren't pushing as hard as they can, then the Parkers and Verucas are going to have the advantage.

As for Buffy herself...she unfortunately measures her worth by whether she's with a guy or not, and even when she resolves to have some "me time" she obviously finds it a task of epic proportions. Many people are like this, and they're going to end up in a relationship with someone...and it will be someone who pursues her unrelentingly, for better or worse.

 

[DeadlyDuo]

Willow's appearance on Angel and her flirting with Fred felt a lot more of a natural moving on point than Kennedy did. Willow was still grieving Tara when Kennedy made her move and she was very domineering of Willow. I'm not saying that Willow needed to mourn Tara for the rest of her days, but I do think she wasn't ready to move on yet and Kennedy took advantage of her vulnerable state.

In my opinion, everything Kennedy did was a power play. Yes, she may have fancied Willow, but she was pursuing her from the moment she met her and Willow even showed discomfort at times yet Kennedy kept pursuing her. She had to trick Willow into a date (by skiving off of going to the desert with the other potentials) and even has a go at her when Willow defends Buffy or looks like she's about to. The moment Kennedy is "officially dating" Willow, she's inserting herself into the scooby meetings (Tara didn't do that), she initiates the mutiny that gets Buffy kicked out (all so that she can have a bigger say which Buffy won't let her have, as she later admits to Faith), she even pushes for this during the post mutiny squabble "I think those of us who have been here the longest should get a bigger say".

Kennedy is a snake in the grass. She talks the talk about wanting to be a slayer, yet she screws Buffy over at the first opportunity. Willow was just a means to an end.

 

[DeepBlueJoy]

I think Kennedy would always be too soon for many of us, because she was so obnoxious!

The wrong person can take advantage of your pain if you are too broken, but how soon has to be the widowed person's choice.

Sometimes a happy relationship actually means you heal faster because you feel loved and love makes us stronger. some of us are lucky; we *know* our late partner would be rooting for us to find joy and healing.

When you have a relationship after a death is up to you.

If love is true, you will never forget, but since death is permanent, you can be "ready" as soon as your mind gets past that fact. Early just means you may have more greiving to do during your relationship. A good relationship with a caring, emotionally recure person can actually help you move on.

Oh and you never get over true love. You just learn to live without the person. It is no one else's business when. 1) No one is in our head or heart & 2) you cannot disrespect the dead by loving a new person, any more than you stop loving your first child when your second is born.

Most people who object are comparing this loss to a break up. Break ups can literally tear us apart. Healing can take a long time afer a bad break up/divorce. Death can be a very clean break emotionally and it is always absolute and irrevocable.

Greif never ends, but for one person, life MUST go on. And in death, we have a powerful lesson in the fact that life can end at any moment. It feels even more precious than before.

Humans need to live and let live.

Blue

Btw: been thru divorce and widowhood. They are very different losses. Judge not, please.