Was Buffy wrong?

[LadyLavinia]

I had recently watched "Revelations" myself. I especially recall the scene in which the Scoobies reveal to Buffy that they know that Angel is still alive and she had been keeping his presence a secret from them. Apparently, Xander had decided to spy on Buffy, due to her secretive nature and found her kissing Angel.

Now, I realize that they had a right to be angry that she failed to tell them about Angel being alive. Especially after their experiences with him during late Season 2. But . . . God, that scene had pissed me off! If there is one thing about Buffy's relationship with Giles and the Scoobies that has burned me is that she has allowed them to dictate her behavior and moral compass, due to her own fear of losing their friendship. Has Buffy ever put such pressure upon Xander, Willow or Giles? I wonder. For years, they put her on this pedestal called "THE SLAYER" and rarely allow Buffy to be herself or have her own life.

Xander is the worst offender of them all. I do not know how this character came to be so beloved by the series' fans. Granted, Xander can be entertaining. But of all the characters, he is probably the most self-righteous of the bunch. And he has allowed his self-righteousness, along with his jealousy toward Buffy's relationships with both Angel and Spike to compromise his morals without any remorse. Good examples would be his lie to Willow about Buffy's wishes regarding Angel in "Becoming - Part II" and his attempt to murder a chipped Spike in "Entropy" for having sex with the fiancee he had dumped at the altar. Even in "Revelations", he was behaving in the most self-righteous manner about Buffy's lie regarding Angel . . . yet, at the same time, was romancing Willow behind Cordelia's back. Some would say that at least his infidelity with Willow was not a threat to anyone. But his and Willow's actions ended up hurting Cordelia in more ways than one.

The Scoobies' attitude toward Buffy reached its pennacle in Season 6. In "Bargaining - Part I", Willow, with Xander, Anya and Tara's assistance, brought Buffy back from the dead . . . without her consent or anything. An act that led to a year long depression for for the Slayer. And they did this, because they needed "THE SLAYER". They believed that Sunnydale needed a Slayer. Despite the fact that Sunnydale had managed to exist without a Slayer for nearly a century before Buffy's arrival. Is it any wonder why Buffy began to emotionally distance herself from her friends" in Season 7?

 

[xfivebyfive]

I had recently watched "Revelations" myself. I especially recall the scene in which the Scoobies reveal to Buffy that they know that Angel is still alive and she had been keeping his presence a secret from them. Apparently, Xander had decided to spy on Buffy, due to her secretive nature and found her kissing Angel.

Now, I realize that they had a right to be angry that she failed to tell them about Angel being alive. Especially after their experiences with him during late Season 2. But . . . God, that scene had pissed me off! If there is one thing about Buffy's relationship with Giles and the Scoobies that has burned me is that she has allowed them to dictate her behavior and moral compass, due to her own fear of losing their friendship. Has Buffy ever put such pressure upon Xander, Willow or Giles? I wonder. For years, they put her on this pedestal called "THE SLAYER" and rarely allow Buffy to be herself or have her own life.

Xander is the worst offender of them all. I do not know how this character came to be so beloved by the series' fans. Granted, Xander can be entertaining. But of all the characters, he is probably the most self-righteous of the bunch. And he has allowed his self-righteousness, along with his jealousy toward Buffy's relationships with both Angel and Spike to compromise his morals without any remorse. Good examples would be his lie to Willow about Buffy's wishes regarding Angel in "Becoming - Part II" and his attempt to murder a chipped Spike in "Entropy" for having sex with the fiancee he had dumped at the altar. Even in "Revelations", he was behaving in the most self-righteous manner about Buffy's lie regarding Angel . . . yet, at the same time, was romancing Willow behind Cordelia's back. Some would say that at least his infidelity with Willow was not a threat to anyone. But his and Willow's actions ended up hurting Cordelia in more ways than one.

The Scoobies' attitude toward Buffy reached its pennacle in Season 6. In "Bargaining - Part I", Willow, with Xander, Anya and Tara's assistance, brought Buffy back from the dead . . . without her consent or anything. An act that led to a year long depression for for the Slayer. And they did this, because they needed "THE SLAYER". They believed that Sunnydale needed a Slayer. Despite the fact that Sunnydale had managed to exist without a Slayer for nearly a century before Buffy's arrival. Is it any wonder why Buffy began to emotionally distance herself from her friends" in Season 7?

But I'm sorry I disagree with a lot of what you said. First Xander didn't spy on Buffy he was following Angel who he was shocked to see was alive and when he got to the mansion he saw Buffy kissing Angel. Which, what right does she have to hook up with her ex killer boyfriend? He murdered Giles girlfriend. He tortured Giles. To not tell them and then to continue dating him the rest of the season and force everyone to have him around after all he had done last season was unbelievably selfish of her.

Also she puts herself up on a pedestal, she's always going on and on about how she's the slayer, she's better then everyone else. Well then guess what you're going to be held to a different standard. But I don't even agree that they do. Xander is judgemental I agree about him, some of the choices he makes and the way he goes about things are wrong. But Willow is always there for Buffy, she's not judgemental of her and she's there for her time and time again with her Angel issues. And then in season 4 when Woz breaks up Buffy is like get over it, its been forever. Like she can't be bothered to care anymore.

Oh and I don't blame Xander for his actions in Becoming. Buffy needed to be able to kill Angel and had she known she wouldn't have fought as hard. As we see the spell doesn't work until the very last second.

And Bargaining, I am still shocked people get upset over that. They were trying to bring their best friend back to life. She was dead, they thought she was in hell, they were trying to save her. The only thing they should have been smart enough to do was unbury her. But there was no way they could know she was in heaven.

 

[Icarium]

If there is one thing about Buffy's relationship with Giles and the Scoobies that has burned me is that she has allowed them to dictate her behavior and moral compass, due to her own fear of losing their friendship. Has Buffy ever put such pressure upon Xander, Willow or Giles?

Yes, quite a few times. Like in The Gift when she tells them she is going to kill them if they dare come close to Dawn. or when she suspected that Spike was killing people in early S7 and still had Xander give him shelter in his home (really, what was up with that move?!?). And seriously, when has Buffy allowed her friends to "dictate" her behaviour anyway? You might not like Xander, Willow and Giles but the text of the show is pretty clear that their support is absolutely crucial not just for Buffy's physical survival but for her emotional well-being too.

Even in "Revelations", he was behaving in the most self-righteous manner about Buffy's lie regarding Angel . . . yet, at the same time, was romancing Willow behind Cordelia's back. Some would say that at least his infidelity with Willow was not a threat to anyone. But his and Willow's actions ended up hurting Cordelia in more ways than one.

No offense but this is ridiculous. It reminds me of Dawn comparing Xander leaving Anya at the altar with Spike raping Buffy. And in any event, even if Xander was the biggest asshole on Earth this wouldn't make Buffy any less right or wrong in the situation discussed so I really don't see why discussions of her behaviour inevitably slides into "But Xander sucks!". Buffy harboring Angel and kissing him has a high risk of getting people murdered. Xander being a cheater...not so much.

The Scoobies' attitude toward Buffy reached its pennacle in Season 6. In "Bargaining - Part I", Willow, with Xander, Anya and Tara's assistance, brought Buffy back from the dead . . . without her consent or anything.

Well, there was the small problem that Buffy wasn't around to be asked whether she wanted to be dead or not but last time they had seen her, she seemed to kind of prefer life to death, so I don't really blame them for assuming that was still the case. I don't know about Buffy but I would be overjoyed if I had friends ready to risk their own lives to save me from the possibility of torment in some hell dimension. The idea that they resurrected Buffy only because Sunnydale needed a Slayer is a radical interpretation of the text. They missed their friend.

Apparently, Xander had decided to spy on Buffy, due to her secretive nature and found her kissing Angel.

Did you even watch the entire episode? Xander followed Angel.

 

[OhWow]

Buffy has never shared deep secrets with her friends. I do think she was very wrong, but honesty Buffy's made A LOT OF MISTAKES. One of the things I like about the show...everybody messes up.

 

[sosa lola]

Xander didn't spy on Buffy. He saw Angel and followed him, then he saw him kissing Buffy. I can't blame Xander for feeling betrayed and angry at Buffy. Hiding a murderer and kissing him? Knowing that a small moment of perfect happiness would set Angelus free?

I can't believe I skipped this. I totally agree. Xander bothered me a lot when it came to Angel. He hated Angel even when he wasn't Angelus because he was jealous. I hated Xander a lot when it came to every relationship Buffy had... He was pro-Riley, anti-vampire, and just annoying.

But I totally agree, I think he did rush to tell everyone because he wanted Buffy and Angel to not be together..

Let's agree to disagree. To me it seemed that besides the anger he had, Xander didn't let go of his feelings toward the fact that Buffy and Angel were together, before and after. He saw them kissing, not just hanging out together. He didn't want them back together, and he didn't care if Angel was evil or not. He didn't. He didn't even try to find that out first. Because he didn't care.

I don't think jealousy had anything to do with it. Angel tried to kill Xander as Angelus and as Angel -remember when he offered him to Spike?- and seeing Buffy kissing Angel so recklessly after everything that happened? Not to mention that at the moment Xander was completely into Willow and Cordelia. He was in no way jealous of Scott Hope and didn't seem to be considering Buffy romantically at the moment.

Xander was angry because Buffy seemed to have forgot everything that had happened in S2. Angel was mostly after her friends in S2, that ought to make them scared.

I'm really sorry, but that Xander you're describing is such a one-dimensional character and I refuse to believe that my favorite character would want a murderer dead because of stupid feelings/jealousy. If that was the case, why didn't Xander kill Angel in S1?

If Xander wanted Buffy to himself, he would have been jealous of Scott Hope, wouldn't he? If Xander wanted Buffy and Angel apart, he would have objected to them being together after this episode, but he didn't. His interest was mainly in Willow and Cordelia in S3.

Did you forget when Xander tried to help Buffy save Angel in Amends? Did you forget when he suggested if he could help them solve their issues in The Zeppo? Did you forget when he was urging Willow and Oz to give them the information to save Angel in Graduation Part 1?

 

[LadyLavinia]

I believe that Buffy should try to connect to her friends at times. But she also needs to learn to experience some alone time for self-reflection. Like everyone else, she needs to learn how to balance between connecting with loved ones . . . and being alone for some kind of internal peace and self-reflection. She doesn't know how to do this. None of the characters do.

I'm really sorry, but that Xander you're describing is such a one-dimensional character and I refuse to believe that my favorite character would want a murderer dead because of stupid feelings/jealousy. If that was the case, why didn't Xander kill Angel in S1?

Xander is not a one-dimensional character. But some of his antipathy toward Angel and later, Spike, have stemmed from his jealousy over Buffy's relationship with them.

 

[Professor Walsh]

Buffy has never shared deep secrets with her friends. I do think she was very wrong, but honesty Buffy's made A LOT OF MISTAKES. One of the things I like about the show...everybody messes up.

Yes, I like that too. When it comes to this particular mistake (yes, I think it was a mistake), I feel that it is one that is very true to Buffy's nature. She doesn's easily trust people. As much as she might want to trust her friends and want to tell them, she is too afraid of their reactions to do so.

 

[white avenger]

Buffy has certainly made more than her share of mistakes over the years, but I will have to say that in this case, she wasn't as much mistakes as she was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. The man who she was in love with, who she wanted to spend her life with, had, literally returned from hell. Unfortunately, the man who had tortured and terrorized her friends, killed numerous people, and tried to destroy the world, was back as well, and they were one and the same person. At least, that was how she knew that her friends would see the matter. So, who does she side with?If she hides and protects Angel, her friends feel betrayed. If she tells Giles and the others that Angel has returned, she feels that she is betraying him. She's in a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," situation. So, she makes her decision: sacrificing the man she loves one time is enough. She had no real choice then, but she does now, and she chooses to take Angel's side. She trusts her own instincts over her friends' emotions. Was what she did and how she did it a mistake? Not really. Could the situation have been handled differently? Possibly. Maybe that's one of the reasons that she was so open (at least, once she found out about his soul) and adamant, in Season 7, about Spike being under her protection and having her complete trust. (No, this isn't another Bangel/Spuffy debate, just an illustration of an alternative way of handling a similar situation) Both times, her friends disagreed with her decision, accusing her of letting her personal feelings cloud her view of the real truth, and both times, she was ultimately proven right.

So, I guess that you could say that Buffy was wrong on the short term, but right on the long term.

 

[The Unspoken]

Buffy has certainly made more than her share of mistakes over the years, but I will have to say that in this case, she wasn't as much mistakes as she was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. The man who she was in love with, who she wanted to spend her life with, had, literally returned from hell. Unfortunately, the man who had tortured and terrorized her friends, killed numerous people, and tried to destroy the world, was back as well, and they were one and the same person. At least, that was how she knew that her friends would see the matter. So, who does she side with?If she hides and protects Angel, her friends feel betrayed. If she tells Giles and the others that Angel has returned, she feels that she is betraying him. She's in a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," situation. So, she makes her decision: sacrificing the man she loves one time is enough. She had no real choice then, but she does now, and she chooses to take Angel's side. She trusts her own instincts over her friends' emotions. Was what she did and how she did it a mistake? Not really. Could the situation have been handled differently? Possibly. Maybe that's one of the reasons that she was so open (at least, once she found out about his soul) and adamant, in Season 7, about Spike being under her protection and having her complete trust. (No, this isn't another Bangel/Spuffy debate, just an illustration of an alternative way of handling a similar situation) Both times, her friends disagreed with her decision, accusing her of letting her personal feelings cloud her view of the real truth, and both times, she was ultimately proven right.

How was she right? Sheltering Angel was inherently dangerous. For example, after spending a century in a hell dimension, it's actually quite likely that a simple kiss from Buffy would give him true happiness. Similarly, trigger!Spike had almost an entire season to kill them in their sleep. The fact that for some arcane reason the First didn't trigger him, is besides the point.

Anyone wonder why the Scoobies don't ever try to murder Angel after this episode? Because they have no issue with him being alive and in a relationship with Buffy, and the conflict of this episode would've been avoided if Buffy had told them beforehand.

That being said, Buffy's reasons are very understandable and I definitely sympathize with her.

And her friends have every right of accusing her of personal bias. I definitely feel for her when she can't bring herself to kill Angelus in season 2, but that doesn't change the fact that she let him stay alive for several months, leading to a lot innocent people dying and the world almost being sucked into hell. The Scoobies are there to lend support and to call her on her crap when necessary.

 

[white avenger]

How was she right? Sheltering Angel was inherently dangerous. For example, after spending a century in a hell dimension, it's actually quite likely that a simple kiss from Buffy would give him true happiness. Similarly, trigger!Spike had almost an entire season to kill them in their sleep. The fact that for some arcane reason the First didn't trigger him, is besides the point.

That's where the "wrong on the short term, but right on the long term" part comes in.

 

[Flannen]

I don't think jealousy had anything to do with it. Angel tried to kill Xander as Angelus and as Angel -remember when he offered him to Spike?-

Are you referring to School Hard? Because I don't think you can really say that was Angel trying to kill Xander. He had no intention to, it was all part of a plan. My memory fails me but wasn't it also Xander's plan? Apologies if there's another instance of Angel trying to offer Xander to Spike but if it is this episode you mean, I'd find it kind of stupid for Xander to hold that against Angel.

I can't blame Xander for feeling betrayed and angry at Buffy. Hiding a murderer and kissing him? Knowing that a small moment of perfect happiness would set Angelus free?

How was she right? Sheltering Angel was inherently dangerous. For example, after spending a century in a hell dimension, it's actually quite likely that a simple kiss from Buffy would give him true happiness. Similarly, trigger!Spike had almost an entire season to kill them in their sleep. The fact that for some arcane reason the First didn't trigger him, is besides the point.

I'd be hesitant to say that Angel was inherently dangerous. I don't believe that he was capable of doing much at all upon his return from Hell and I think Buffy kept his return a secret until he had rehabilitated and was in a better situation to make sense of what was going on. I appreciate why the Scoobies were upset, but in the same instance they are known, some of them more than others, to go off at the deep end and I can totally understand her wanting to be able to give them something more concrete and confident about his return and what he was like now.

Also, as an audience who have seen the whole show and the idea of the 'moment of true happiness' being developed into what we now know it to be, at that time, I think Buffy/Angel and all the Scoobies still equated Angel losing his soul to having sex. And maybe not even sex with Buffy, just the act of sex itself. I know that's where I was with the curse at this time. So to suggest that Buffy knew a kiss could evoke that same feeling is a bit unfair because they simply didn't know enough about it at that time. At least, from what I recall they didn't; it wasn't at the level Wesley described it later in AtS.

Do I think she made a mistake? Not really. Do I think she made her decisions based on her own feelings and how she felt? Absolutely. But I don't think it's wrong to put yourself first sometimes, Slayer or no.

 

[sosa lola]

Are you referring to School Hard? Because I don't think you can really say that was Angel trying to kill Xander. He had no intention to, it was all part of a plan. My memory fails me but wasn't it also Xander's plan? Apologies if there's another instance of Angel trying to offer Xander to Spike but if it is this episode you mean, I'd find it kind of stupid for Xander to hold that against Angel.

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?

Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.

Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?

Angel: We would've known he bought it.

I'd be hesitant to say that Angel was inherently dangerous. I don't believe that he was capable of doing much at all upon his return from Hell and I think Buffy kept his return a secret until he had rehabilitated and was in a better situation to make sense of what was going on.

I understand why Buffy hid Angel and I know Angel is a good guy. I'm talking from Xander's POV which I think is pretty much valid if you were in his shoes.

I was mostly defending Xander, but I know and understand why Buffy hid Angel and I sympathize with her completely.

 

[zobothehobo]

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?

Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.

Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?

Angel: We would've known he bought it.

Yes, this is how it went. However Angel didn't say "I would have let him kill you." He said "We would have known he bought it." We know that a vampire can bite someone but not kill them. I'm pretty sure... and by pretty sure I mean 99.9% sure... that Angel would have stopped Spike and said "Save some for me" or something to that extent before Xander was killed. Also when using verbs like "to try" I think it's important to recognize what was the actual intended goal. Angel didn't try to kill Xander. He tried to beat Spike. Big difference. I mean even if Spike did buy it and Angel wasn't able to stop him... he still wouldn't have tried to kill Xander. Xander would have been a terrible casuality but he was trying to beat Spike, not kill Xander. I mean was Buffy trying to kill the potentials in Dirty Girls or was she trying to beat Caleb and The First?

 

[Flannen]

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?

Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.

Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?

Angel: We would've known he bought it.

Okay, so that's the script. But if you think Angel would have stood by and let Xander be killed then you are ignoring who Angel is in order to defend Xander's actions. That line, as I interpret it, is laden with sarcasm. There is no way that Angel meant that he would have sacrificed one of Buffy's, the woman he loves, best friends. If Xander honestly had some hatred towards Angel for that then I overestimated and he should never be allowed to make a sarcastic comment for the rest of the show.

I'm sorry but I just cannot accept that scene as proof that Angel tried to kill him.

And to be honest, I don't need for him to think Angel tried to kill him. I understand why Xander was angry. He hated Angel, he hated vampires. The guy had tortured all his friends and killed innocent people a few months prior. I understand and appreciate Xander's black and white view of vampires. THAT, along with the torturing of friends thing, is why Xander is angry and I can respect that.

 

[zobothehobo]

Since the last time I posted in this thread, I've seen this several more times and I think on my most recent re-watch, what irked me most was how at the end of the previous season, the soul meant everything to these people. And in Revelations it meant virtually nothing to them. It was like at the end of season 2, they knew that if they could just get Angel his soul back before he pulled the sword out of Acathla, all would be good, fine, and back to the way it was before Surprise... acknowledging or buying into (which ever you prefer) Angelus and Angel being separate people. And here in Revelations they're acting like they're the same. Directly contradicting themselves... and that really frustrated me.

 

[The Unspoken]

Since the last time I posted in this thread, I've seen this several more times and I think on my most recent re-watch, what irked me most was how at the end of the previous season, the soul meant everything to these people. And in Revelations it meant virtually nothing to them. It was like at the end of season 2, they knew that if they could just get Angel his soul back before he pulled the sword out of Acathla, all would be good, fine, and back to the way it was before Surprise... acknowledging or buying into (which ever you prefer) Angelus and Angel being separate people. And here in Revelations they're acting like they're the same. Directly contradicting themselves... and that really frustrated me.

Missing the point much? Xander witnessed Buffy and Angel making out. The last time they did that, at least to the Scoobies' knowledge, was in 'Innocence'. That (and some coitus) led to a soulless demon being set loose who murdered people for several months and eventually attempted to suck the world into hell. Buffy behaved recklessly. The gypsy curse is not exact science and what she did was inherently dangerous. The Scoobies don't know that Angel is about to get his own spin-off and will remain a good guy.

As I've said before, no one tried to kill Angel pre-'Innocence'. No one tries to kill him after this episode. If Buffy had told them about Angel's return, the conflict of this episode would've been avoided.

 

[zobothehobo]

Missing the point much? Xander witnessed Buffy and Angel making out. The last time they did that, at least to the Scoobies' knowledge, was in 'Innocence'. That (and some coitus) led to a soulless demon being set loose who murdered people for several months and eventually attempted to suck the world into hell. Buffy behaved recklessly. The gypsy curse is not exact science and what she did was inherently dangerous. The Scoobies don't know that Angel is about to get his own spin-off and will remain a good guy.

As I've said before, no one tried to kill Angel pre-'Innocence'. No one tries to kill him after this episode. If Buffy had told them about Angel's return, the conflict of this episode would've been avoided.

As has already been pointed out in this thread, I'm pretty sure at this point the Scoobies thought sex was Angel's trigger. I mean, they knew Buffy had made out with Angel before Innocence and he didn't go all evil... So I don't think the Scoobies, even Xander, honestly thought that the kissing, JUST the kissing, could made Angel lose his soul. And I trust that they were smart enough to know that Buffy knew that too.

 

[Flannen]

As has already been pointed out in this thread, I'm pretty sure at this point the Scoobies thought sex was Angel's trigger. I mean, they knew Buffy had made out with Angel before Innocence and he didn't go all evil... So I don't think the Scoobies, even Xander, honestly thought that the kissing, JUST the kissing, could made Angel lose his soul. And I trust that they were smart enough to know that Buffy knew that too.

I'm with you completely. I mean, I had never entertained the thought that a simple kiss with Buffy upon Angel's return from hell would set the trigger off. And, I know I am totally assuming here, no one would have at the time because the nature of the curse simply hadn't be developed and we, the audience as well as the characters, would never have anticipated that.

Thinking about it now, since watching AtS and how Wesley in particular talks about the curse and the nature of the moment of happiness, I can fully see what you mean about it being dangerous. Given his weakened state and what he had been through, to be back with Buffy and being intimate with her could have been a moment of true happiness but there is no way the Scoobies, Buffy or even Angel would have known about it or even thought about it for a second. Just like I didn't THEN as an audience member. And for that reason I don't see it as a reason for Xander or the Scoobies anger.

 

[The Unspoken]

As has already been pointed out in this thread, I'm pretty sure at this point the Scoobies thought sex was Angel's trigger. I mean, they knew Buffy had made out with Angel before Innocence and he didn't go all evil... So I don't think the Scoobies, even Xander, honestly thought that the kissing, JUST the kissing, could made Angel lose his soul. And I trust that they were smart enough to know that Buffy knew that too.

No, Jenny explained to them that 'true happiness' was the trigger, not sex. Sex is one form of true happiness. Given the potential consequences, i.e. bloodbaths and apocalypses, they have every right to be skeptical and not simply assume that true happiness is limited to sex.

And how exactly were the Scoobies to know that Buffy wasn't having sex with Angel? She didn't trust them enough to inform them about Angel's return, so why should they trust her when she's - to their knowledge - engaging in the same behavior that previously set a soulless demon loose who murdered people for several months and attempted to suck the world into hell? Because Buffy withheld information from them, she left them no other choice but to draw their own conclusions.

 

[Flannen]

No, Jenny explained to them that 'true happiness' was the trigger, not sex. Sex is one form of true happiness. Given the potential consequences, i.e. bloodbaths and apocalypses, they have every right to be skeptical and not simply assume that true happiness is limited to sex.

And how exactly were the Scoobies to know that Buffy wasn't having sex with Angel? She didn't trust them enough to inform them about Angel's return, so why should they trust her when she's - to their knowledge - engaging in the same behavior that previously set a soulless demon loose who murdered people for several months and attempted to suck the world into hell? Because Buffy withheld information from them, she left them no other choice but to draw their own conclusions.

She did explain that it was true happiness, but as far as I was concerned, and some others it seems, that true happiness was primarily equated with the act of sex. It was not until AtS that I even contemplated it being anything else. Maybe, I'm just a bit stupid but the whole curse/happiness thing was no where near as complex in BtVS as it was in AtS and all fingers pointed to it being sex.

As to the Scoobies bit, I think there's some underestimation of both the Scoobies and Buffy. They saw what having to deal with Angelus and killing Angel did to her. They witnessed the guilt she felt firsthand, especially Giles (remember that whole speech about how he could tell her she acted impulsively etc etc) and I think its safe to say, that despite the fact she withheld his return from them, they trusted to her not be so blatantly stupid as to engage with him in that way. If Buffy and Angel had known about the curse pre-Surprise/Innocence, they wouldn't have had sex just like when they did find out, they never did it again. Well they did but, you know.

I think what the Scoobies were more annoyed about was the fact they felt that Buffy was too quick to forget what had happened and resume a relationship with him, when they were still struggling to come to terms with it all.