No doubt I will get a blast for this, but one thing Spike always had, whether ensouled or not, was his awareness of what was going on around him, even when others denied it. He told Buffy and Angel they would never be friends, that it would be blood screaming to work its will, and he was right, even when they couldn't see it. He told Buffy and Giles that Willow was just hanging on by a thread when Oz left and he was right, even when they deluded themselves into thinking she was doing OK. He told Willow that the Chumash indians would never listen to reason and he was right, even when she went on about how they should discuss things. And he told Riley that Buffy needed a little monster in her man, and he was right, even when Riley didn't want to believe it because it wasn't in him (and is he the most uninvolved psych major ever?).
Now let's see what that means: it always bothered me that decent men who live by an honourable code are left behind for "bad boys" who always seem like more fun. Well, they may be more fun - until the fun starts to include something the girl finds to be contrary to her own interests. Then it should become obvious that a bad boy is bad because he does bad things that stem from not considering other people at all. Yet she cannot throw him out of her life. I have seen enough cases of this in the real world that I am not surprised at the thought that Buffy would forgive Spike - she wants that monster, because most of the time he is more fun than someone with principles like Riley or for that matter, Xander.
Riley was a decent guy, even though he seemed like a cardboard cutout most of the time. He had all the physical and intellectual attributes a woman could want. But Buffy wanted a little dash of monster, and there wasn't any in him.
Xander resurrected her twice. In "The Zeppo", he proved his courage. He eventually became a respected contractor with a good financial future. He proved with Anya that he would bend over backwards to accommodate a girl's desires and quirks. But Buffy wanted a little dash of monster, and there wasn't any in him.
If you think I am playing a game of blame the victim, you are right! If women were inclined to eliminate bad boys with a "little monster in them" from consideration, there would be a bit more support for men who treat women decently. Riley eventually hooked up with Sam - a good choice. From what I understand of the comics, Buffy finally realizes Xander is there in time to see him hook up with Dawn. Another good couple.
Like the music says in "Once More with Feeling", it starts out seemingly good but comes on way too strong, just like that little dash of monster in a man will inevitably also come on way too strong. And yeah - go ahead and ask me about the things I have seen in this life. No one has a monopoly on bad times.
I do definitely agree about Spike's awareness- he was, what, with the Scoobies for just a couple of weeks and managed to find out their deepest insecurities, fears and turn them against Buffy in the ''Yoko Factor''. He delivers his awareness in an apathetic fashion, in a tough love-ish manner- ''that's what conquering nations do'' ''i may be loves bitch''. And in The Yoko Factor- with Willow, her sexuality and growing knowledge of magic- Spike refers to it as a ''phase'' yet is quite vague. Quite a master with words, and quite manipulative.
About the ''bad boys''- ehh... I am no psychiatrist, but the attraction of a typical ''bad boy''-
usually comes from something other than love. There was a point when Buffy really, really loved Riley. Now with Spike, something that's not mentioned alot in Spuffy debates is that perhaps Buffy saw a tad of Angel in Spike. Angel would rather be with Buffy than Darla, as Spike would rather be with Buffy than Drusilla. Centuries old vampires, now restrained (although yes, I know there is a massive difference between having a soul and a chip)
Although Spike's treatment of Buffy throughout season 5- 6 is terrible, disgusting, beyond words, the reason why Buffy kissed him in OMWF, had sex with him in Gone and Smashed. He made her, for a couple of moments, feel wanted in the early episodes of season 6. She was also clinically depressed and none of the ''scoobies'' really understood her (that's a discussion for another thread) but something in Spike gave her kind of craving, that she needed at that time.
Also- these archetypes and categories that exist- ''nice boy'' ''bad boy'' are damaging to society, and the effects have already been noted. That nice, looking boy with great grades and returns his library books on time can be completely evil in a relationship. Say with Angel- who has a centuries history of bloodshed, has alot of enemies that are respected and plus is a
vampire for crying out loud... is pretty much an ideal boyfriend. Those moments with Cordelia and Nina in Angel, no matter what you thought of either of those characters, made me happy for Angel because I believed in their love and that they made him happy (yeah I know about the curse... but c'mon, the times when Angel smiled always felt authentic to me)
It's not about whether or not you are a nice boy or a bad boy. It's how you treat your partner. That's what matters. Relationships are going to be flawed if you are going into it for something other than love- say when people say ''I love bad boys'' it could be for that sense of danger, as we could see with alot of Buffy's post- Angel relationships: Riley, for a while, was a rebound guy, but then Buffy gained clarity for a couple of months (primarily post- Goodbye Iowa), and Spike was just a disaster
To link this back to Spike... prior to Grave, he was not a good man at all. His treatment of woman in general was awful, his behavior in Dead Things is so revolting and sickening. I think his arc in season 7 was awfully written without a shred of sensitivity for the audience. Angel season 5 was an improvement, although my god... the immaturity over the Shanshu Prophecy. Without Buffy out of the picture, we did see him help bring down The Circle Of The Black Thorn. Whilst Lindsey, Wesley, Illyria and Angel were slaying and lots of bloodshed, Spike was essentially saving a baby, and acting as a temporary ''protector''. His role wasn't quite violent, imo. He could have thrown a massive hissy fit, could have done a trade with Gunn. His redemption story arc is hard to believe in though, mainly due to the awful writing present in very late season 6 and 7. Say, in ''Beneath You'' how sentimental the cross moment seems, where its just insensitive.
