Weird conversations
- Thread starter nightshade
- Start date
Enemies
*insert user title here*
Thats hilarious. I have many odd conversations everyday because i work with the elderly but none as funny as that
WileyDairyGnome
Strong like an Amazon
wickedtiger86
Scooby
Ah this is HILARIOUS!
I used to work in a bookshop. The golden gem there was when a customer came in:
Lady: Do you have any novels by Shakespeare?
Me: We have a lot of editions of all of his plays.
Lady: No, not his plays. A novel that he wrote.
My coworker: *runs away and hides
Me: I'm pretty sure that he didn't write a novel but I can take you to what we have.
Lady: *gets extremely huffy. "I know he did!" *storms out of store
My husband had an amazing experience at the hotel we both work at. A customer was asking him about me.
Customer: So you know that redhead that works the desk here during the day?
Hubby: . . . yeah . . .
Customer: Do you know if she's seeing anyone?
Hubby: I'm pretty sure that she is . . .
Customer: Oh . . . are you sure?
Hubby: Yeah, we've been married for five years. 🙂
Customer: Oh man! I'm sooo sorry. But hey, you are a lucky man!
Hubby: I know.
LOL. That was incredibly amusing to me.
I used to work in a bookshop. The golden gem there was when a customer came in:
Lady: Do you have any novels by Shakespeare?
Me: We have a lot of editions of all of his plays.
Lady: No, not his plays. A novel that he wrote.
My coworker: *runs away and hides
Me: I'm pretty sure that he didn't write a novel but I can take you to what we have.
Lady: *gets extremely huffy. "I know he did!" *storms out of store
My husband had an amazing experience at the hotel we both work at. A customer was asking him about me.
Customer: So you know that redhead that works the desk here during the day?
Hubby: . . . yeah . . .
Customer: Do you know if she's seeing anyone?
Hubby: I'm pretty sure that she is . . .
Customer: Oh . . . are you sure?
Hubby: Yeah, we've been married for five years. 🙂
Customer: Oh man! I'm sooo sorry. But hey, you are a lucky man!
Hubby: I know.
LOL. That was incredibly amusing to me.
K
kittenpoker
that's awesome!
A conversation with a person who visited me at the gym
Customer: So I was wondering, I have a member ships at this *insert rival gym's name* gym. Could I still come here and train with you?
Me: Yes, but you'll need a membership here.
Customer: But I have a membership
Me: Not at this gym
Customer: I need to be a member here?
Me: Yes
Customer: I'm not sure I want two memberships.
Me: ... perhaps you could train there?
Customer: I didn't care for their staff
Me: ...
Customer: And you can't come to train me at my gym?
Me: I'm quite sure my boss wouldn't like that. It's a rival company.
Customer (gives me a look as if I'd just slapped him): So you're only doing this to get paid?
Me: Well... it is my job.
Customer: I'll have to think about this.
Me: You do that.
This isn't from work but from a date I once had, there was no second date.
Guyr: Have you heard the new Alice in chains?
Me: Yes, I have.
Guy (real enthusiastic): It's great isn't it? Hearing Kurt Cobain again.
Me: Kurt Cobain?
Guy: Yeah! Seems like it's been forever. I love reunion albums.
Me: I'm sorry. Kurt Cobain? Nirvana's Kurt Cobain?
Guy (getting irritated): Yes. I love his voice, don't you? Alice in chains was my favorite band in school.
Me: Kurt Cobain didn't sing in Alice in chains...
Guy (really irritated): Not then, but on the new album. He's their new singer.
Me: Eh I doubt it cause y'know... Kurt Cobain is...
Guy: ...
Me: ... dead.
Guy: What?
Me: He's dead. Has been... for a while. So I don't think he's the new lead singer of Alice in chains.
Guy: ... oh.
Topic swiftly changed after that.
Customer: So I was wondering, I have a member ships at this *insert rival gym's name* gym. Could I still come here and train with you?
Me: Yes, but you'll need a membership here.
Customer: But I have a membership
Me: Not at this gym
Customer: I need to be a member here?
Me: Yes
Customer: I'm not sure I want two memberships.
Me: ... perhaps you could train there?
Customer: I didn't care for their staff
Me: ...
Customer: And you can't come to train me at my gym?
Me: I'm quite sure my boss wouldn't like that. It's a rival company.
Customer (gives me a look as if I'd just slapped him): So you're only doing this to get paid?
Me: Well... it is my job.
Customer: I'll have to think about this.
Me: You do that.
This isn't from work but from a date I once had, there was no second date.
Guyr: Have you heard the new Alice in chains?
Me: Yes, I have.
Guy (real enthusiastic): It's great isn't it? Hearing Kurt Cobain again.
Me: Kurt Cobain?
Guy: Yeah! Seems like it's been forever. I love reunion albums.
Me: I'm sorry. Kurt Cobain? Nirvana's Kurt Cobain?
Guy (getting irritated): Yes. I love his voice, don't you? Alice in chains was my favorite band in school.
Me: Kurt Cobain didn't sing in Alice in chains...
Guy (really irritated): Not then, but on the new album. He's their new singer.
Me: Eh I doubt it cause y'know... Kurt Cobain is...
Guy: ...
Me: ... dead.
Guy: What?
Me: He's dead. Has been... for a while. So I don't think he's the new lead singer of Alice in chains.
Guy: ... oh.
Topic swiftly changed after that.
Z
zobothehobo
AHAHAHAHAHA both of those are great!
wickedtiger86
*Shakes head at "guy"
HalloweenRain
Balderdash and chicanery
This happened to me whilst working in a sandwich shop:
Me: Okay what kind of cheese would you like(provolone, pepper jack, swiss, muenster, american, cheddar, and colby-jack)
Bug-eyed lady #1: The white one.
Me: Umm, which one?
B-e L: That one *points to provolone*.
Me: Okay *starts grabbing the cheese*
B-e L: NO! I didn't say that one! The white one! The white one!
Me: *sigh* There are FOUR white cheeses here. Which one? * points to each while naming*
B-e L: Swiss.
Me: Okay.
B-e L: No, wait! Not that one. What was that one called again?
Me: Pepperjack
B-e L: YES! That one! I want that one.
I swear to God it took ten minutes to get that one sandwich done. I had about 12 people waiting in line once we got her out of there. I almost told her to just leave. If you can believe it, this crazy old bat was actually mad at ME.
Me: Okay what kind of cheese would you like(provolone, pepper jack, swiss, muenster, american, cheddar, and colby-jack)
Bug-eyed lady #1: The white one.
Me: Umm, which one?
B-e L: That one *points to provolone*.
Me: Okay *starts grabbing the cheese*
B-e L: NO! I didn't say that one! The white one! The white one!
Me: *sigh* There are FOUR white cheeses here. Which one? * points to each while naming*
B-e L: Swiss.
Me: Okay.
B-e L: No, wait! Not that one. What was that one called again?
Me: Pepperjack
B-e L: YES! That one! I want that one.
I swear to God it took ten minutes to get that one sandwich done. I had about 12 people waiting in line once we got her out of there. I almost told her to just leave. If you can believe it, this crazy old bat was actually mad at ME.
wickedtiger86
LOL
Willow My Love
Scooby
I don't remember it completely, but I used to work in insurance claims. One lady really just needed someone to talk to. She told me that her daughter was getting in to some horrible things and was likely to get herself killed, and I said I was sorry to hear that. She goes, "Don't be. She's a bitch. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She'll see where being a stupid whore gets her." I was really taken aback! She was this sweet lady, or so I thought. She went on to tell me about how she smokes pot regularly with the neighbor when her neighbor's kids are at school, and all the drugs her daughter does and how she reads her diary and knows she's a whore and all this stuff. I was supposed to politely let the client know I had to continue with my work and disconnect if the call lasted more than 5 minutes after the claim was done, but this was so mind-boggling I couldn't end the call... It was ridiculous.
You can't imagine the things people tell insurance claims people...
You can't imagine the things people tell insurance claims people...
PrincessBuffy16
Scooby
LMFAO. This is funny.
I was never a part of weird conversation, but I remember one time, I was in my second year of High School, and we took a school trip to Bosnia. So, we were walking in the morning from our hotel to this amazing park in Sarajevo, and we all pretty much had a huge hangover.. me and my friend were walking behind these two girls who were one year younger than us, and the one in the middle kept talking how Greeks used to feed their babies with pig fat.
I was never a part of weird conversation, but I remember one time, I was in my second year of High School, and we took a school trip to Bosnia. So, we were walking in the morning from our hotel to this amazing park in Sarajevo, and we all pretty much had a huge hangover.. me and my friend were walking behind these two girls who were one year younger than us, and the one in the middle kept talking how Greeks used to feed their babies with pig fat.
Black Eye Guy
Taking over the World!
lol, that is good.
I've had loads, work in a mobile phone call center.
A Pay as you go customer (Customer who's not on a contract but tops up their account each month, their not in a contract so dont get discounts on new phones)
Customer: I want a free phone, if I don't get one for free I'm leaving the network.
Me: Well you don't get upgrades on PAYG, as theirs no contract, and no one will give you a free phone on PAYG. If you'd like to move to Bill pay (contact) we'd have a number of options.
Customer: No I'm staying on PAYG and I will be getting a free phone, I want to speak to a manager, I top up my account with €20 every month, so I've given you loads of money, I deserve a free phone.
Me: No, topping up gives you service on the mobile, it doesn't entitle you to a free phone. It's like saying you put €20 petrol a week into your car, so after a year your entitled to a free car.
Customer: no it's not, thats not how cars work.
Me: Me...
--
Customer: I've been barred I can't make calls, how dare you bar me, I've been a customer for 2 years, I wont take this, and I want my phone unbarred straight away.
Me: You haven't paid your bill in 6 months
Customer: Yeah I'll get around to it
Me:...
--
Really Old Customer:: I can't get texts on my Blueberry
Me: Sorry?
Customer: I got a new blueberry curve and I can't get text messages.
Me: Oh a Blackberry curve
Customer: No it's white.
--
Customer: Hi I can't make calls
Me: Our system shows you moved off our company to a different operator a few years ago, you'll have to call your new supplier.
Customer: Yeah their closed at the moment, can't you fix it.
Me: No their a completely separate company.
Customer: This is ridiculous, I want to speak to a manager.
Me: Your not a customer with us.
Customer: dickhead! [slams phone down]
I've had loads, work in a mobile phone call center.
A Pay as you go customer (Customer who's not on a contract but tops up their account each month, their not in a contract so dont get discounts on new phones)
Customer: I want a free phone, if I don't get one for free I'm leaving the network.
Me: Well you don't get upgrades on PAYG, as theirs no contract, and no one will give you a free phone on PAYG. If you'd like to move to Bill pay (contact) we'd have a number of options.
Customer: No I'm staying on PAYG and I will be getting a free phone, I want to speak to a manager, I top up my account with €20 every month, so I've given you loads of money, I deserve a free phone.
Me: No, topping up gives you service on the mobile, it doesn't entitle you to a free phone. It's like saying you put €20 petrol a week into your car, so after a year your entitled to a free car.
Customer: no it's not, thats not how cars work.
Me: Me...
--
Customer: I've been barred I can't make calls, how dare you bar me, I've been a customer for 2 years, I wont take this, and I want my phone unbarred straight away.
Me: You haven't paid your bill in 6 months
Customer: Yeah I'll get around to it
Me:...
--
Really Old Customer:: I can't get texts on my Blueberry
Me: Sorry?
Customer: I got a new blueberry curve and I can't get text messages.
Me: Oh a Blackberry curve
Customer: No it's white.
--
Customer: Hi I can't make calls
Me: Our system shows you moved off our company to a different operator a few years ago, you'll have to call your new supplier.
Customer: Yeah their closed at the moment, can't you fix it.
Me: No their a completely separate company.
Customer: This is ridiculous, I want to speak to a manager.
Me: Your not a customer with us.
Customer: dickhead! [slams phone down]
I work in a school uniform shop and a woman came in looking for a crested jumper for a school that doesn't have one.
Me: Hi, are you all right there?
Customer: I want a crested jumper for Our Lady's of Lourdes.
Me: OLL doesn't have a crested jumper.
Customer: Yes it does, I bought one here last year.
Me: No, you didn't. We have never sold a crested jumper for OLL.
Customer: I want a crested jumper!
Me: We don't have them!
Customer: I WANT A CRESTED JUMPER (Kids in the shop are now terrified at this crazy screaming woman)
Me: WE. DON'T. SELL. THEM. You have to buy a plain jumper and get the crest in the school.
Customer: Oh...
Customer: Hi there, I'm looking to get a uniform for this little fella, but I want it to last a few years.
Me: *looks at 4 year old child* O-kaaay. What size do you want?
Customer: Sure, give me a 9-10...he'll grow into it and then I can pass it on to his brother when he starts.
Me: *looks at said brother...a baby in a pram*...*facepalm*
My friend used to work in Eircom, which is the national phone company in Ireland.
My friend: Welcome to Eircom customer service, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I've been having some trouble with the connection of my phone line?
My friend: Have you tried pluggin-
Customer: Ah feck it! I'll have to call you back; there's a fox eating my hens.
My friend:...
Me: Hi, are you all right there?
Customer: I want a crested jumper for Our Lady's of Lourdes.
Me: OLL doesn't have a crested jumper.
Customer: Yes it does, I bought one here last year.
Me: No, you didn't. We have never sold a crested jumper for OLL.
Customer: I want a crested jumper!
Me: We don't have them!
Customer: I WANT A CRESTED JUMPER (Kids in the shop are now terrified at this crazy screaming woman)
Me: WE. DON'T. SELL. THEM. You have to buy a plain jumper and get the crest in the school.
Customer: Oh...
Customer: Hi there, I'm looking to get a uniform for this little fella, but I want it to last a few years.
Me: *looks at 4 year old child* O-kaaay. What size do you want?
Customer: Sure, give me a 9-10...he'll grow into it and then I can pass it on to his brother when he starts.
Me: *looks at said brother...a baby in a pram*...*facepalm*
My friend used to work in Eircom, which is the national phone company in Ireland.
My friend: Welcome to Eircom customer service, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I've been having some trouble with the connection of my phone line?
My friend: Have you tried pluggin-
Customer: Ah feck it! I'll have to call you back; there's a fox eating my hens.
My friend:...
Black Eye Guy
That last one! oh Ireland!
T
TheFirstSlayer
Only in Ireland!
Just remember this...
Him: Do you have any white sheets?
Me: I do indeed, what size bed is it for?
Him: (starts to look put upon) Well, I've cut it in half.
Me:Um...you cut your bed in half?
Him: Yeah. Sure, it was a double bed and twas only myself sleeping in it.
Me: Right...Um...So will a single sheet do?
Him: Do sure, make sure it isn't fitted though!
Me:...
Him: Do you have any white sheets?
Me: I do indeed, what size bed is it for?
Him: (starts to look put upon) Well, I've cut it in half.
Me:Um...you cut your bed in half?
Him: Yeah. Sure, it was a double bed and twas only myself sleeping in it.
Me: Right...Um...So will a single sheet do?
Him: Do sure, make sure it isn't fitted though!
Me:...
K
kittenpoker
haha, that's resourceful. ;-)
kittenpoker
Raising penguins in Guam
I had one today with a co-worker.
(I'm sorry if this offends anyone!)
background: the cups we use for water in the breakroom have been leaking
Me: careful when you leave your cups on the counter. They're leaking
Him: well it should be ok for nuts (shows me his cup filled with assorted nuts)
Me: oh yeah, your nuts are fine. Nuts shouldn't leak.
Then I realized what I said, blushed and quickly left the room.
(I'm sorry if this offends anyone!)
background: the cups we use for water in the breakroom have been leaking
Me: careful when you leave your cups on the counter. They're leaking
Him: well it should be ok for nuts (shows me his cup filled with assorted nuts)
Me: oh yeah, your nuts are fine. Nuts shouldn't leak.
Then I realized what I said, blushed and quickly left the room.
H
HalloweenRain
That's hilarious.
Chosen Enemy
Losing my soul
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2010
- Messages
- 3,430
- Age
- 40
I used to sell cheese at the supermarket. And the line that a bald customer said to me, had nothing to do with cheese: "You need a tan". Probably because I'm so damn pale. But still... I wanted to say to him in reply: "You need hair" (because he was bald). Is the customer always right?? I ended up being nice to him and said "I can't get tanned".
K
kittenpoker
No, the customer is not always (or even often) right. :-(
N
NothingButSong
Unfortunately the customer is very often wrong.
wickedtiger86
Scooby
Here's one from today.
Me: Thank you for calling blankity-blank Inn.
Customer: Is this a hotel?
Me: Why yes it is. How can I help you?
Customer: What does your hotel look like?
Me: Umm . . .
Customer: Is it a dive?
Me: Oh no. We're very clean.
Customer: Ok . . . what do I do if I want to reach you again?
Me: Call the number that you called to talk to me this time.
Customer: Oh. Ok.
Sometimes I wonder how I still have a job.
Me: Thank you for calling blankity-blank Inn.
Customer: Is this a hotel?
Me: Why yes it is. How can I help you?
Customer: What does your hotel look like?
Me: Umm . . .
Customer: Is it a dive?
Me: Oh no. We're very clean.
Customer: Ok . . . what do I do if I want to reach you again?
Me: Call the number that you called to talk to me this time.
Customer: Oh. Ok.
Sometimes I wonder how I still have a job.
zobothehobo
Scooby
Here's one I overheard at TJ Max today
Manager: You had called me?
Employee: Yeah, like two hours ago.
Manager: Sorry, I got held up. What was happening?
Employee: Someone wanted to speak to you. They wanted to return a shirt...
Manager: Did they want cash, not store credit?
Employee: No... they bought it at another store.
Manager: Like TJ Max location?
Employee: No. Like another store.. another company.
Manager: Huh? Did you tell them that's impossible?
Employee: Yup. And they wanted to talk to you.
Manager: How did you get them to go away?
Employee: I bought the shirt off of them with my own money because I liked it.
Manager: Resourceful. See, I knew there was a reason I hired you!
Manager: You had called me?
Employee: Yeah, like two hours ago.
Manager: Sorry, I got held up. What was happening?
Employee: Someone wanted to speak to you. They wanted to return a shirt...
Manager: Did they want cash, not store credit?
Employee: No... they bought it at another store.
Manager: Like TJ Max location?
Employee: No. Like another store.. another company.
Manager: Huh? Did you tell them that's impossible?
Employee: Yup. And they wanted to talk to you.
Manager: How did you get them to go away?
Employee: I bought the shirt off of them with my own money because I liked it.
Manager: Resourceful. See, I knew there was a reason I hired you!
BuffyElevated
Scooby
I heard this one at the river this weekend... I was trying so hard not to laugh:
Woman 1: And she used the Nair?
Woman 2: Yeah, and it made her break out.
Woman 1: Well she should have known better than to use it there.
I don't even want to know!
Woman 1: And she used the Nair?
Woman 2: Yeah, and it made her break out.
Woman 1: Well she should have known better than to use it there.
I don't even want to know!