What are your biggest turn-offs in a potential mate?

I think my only real turn off is if a guy is conservative, like in the descriptive term not politically, because I grew up without hard rules, and subversion of society's expectations and all that, so I just would not know how to relate to people who are rigid in their thinking. I mean, I wouldn't want to date someone who is a square in comparison to my parents who are in their 50s.
I've had failed relationships because I was very honest and didn't realise how much mind games played a part in dating. I was not taught these games cos I was raised to communicate your feelings honestly without BS.

And smelly guys.
 
ILLYRIAN
ILLYRIAN
So there is hope for those guys south of the border, just wait until sis invites them to go haggis shooting with her.
Anyanka Bunny Slippers has a point, and I have to agree with her as I don't like the thought of a mate having a beard.

worst of all though, she is in Sineya.
 
Don't like (but mostly) hate, hurt, kill animals (really!!!!!!!!!!! I hate those people!!!!!!!!!) that one is fundamental
- is too clingy (I love to be alone quite often, I'm a lonely person)
- is mean or rude (just to cause pain to people like bullies)
- is shallow or a lot shallow
- is strongly religious (show some kind of support to mutilations) or (doesn't respect people like agnotists/atheists who don't follow the laws of god from monotheist religions (pro abortion, pro euthanasy, sex before marriage...)
- is narrow minded
- who make up false stories or lies just to seek attention
- drugs

And those two are turn offs BUT if I find someone great it will maybe not matter much :
- Smoking
- too much conservative
 
WillowFromBuffy said:
Actually, someone calling me their potential mate, as though they were David Attenborough, would be a turn-off.
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Reminded me of this. Takes the romance out of it? 😀

 
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WillowFromBuffy
Oh God that is horrible!
ILLYRIAN
ILLYRIAN
Right, sorry, you didn't mean bouncing blocks of wood on their bonces.
Turn offs.

- Smugness, arrogance or sense of entitlement. (urgh)
- doesn't like dogs (I love dogs)
- picky eater (I love to eat out and cook a lot)
- easily offended/no sense of humour
- Aggressively intolerant of other (political) views whilst also claiming to be tolerant (no explanation needed)
 
spikenbuffy
spikenbuffy
I see, I think you're talking about my post, I'm sorry if I sounded aggressive and rude, I don't have problems with religious people, my mother is Christian but I'm always afraid to lose human's right like abortion or whatever else against religions.
ILLYRIAN
ILLYRIAN
I totally agree with you, I love dogs, especially when cooked in an oven heated by a wood fire
Other than the obvious - dishonesty, lack of integrity and unkindness and that sort of thing... most of us want honest and loving partnerships... so I am gonna be very specific. (this is from life experience and half a century on the planet.) Your mileage may vary, but this is my list:

1) Inability to communicate honestly and without head games and power plays.
2) Inability to share their feelings honestly
3) Lack of empathy
4) Inability to listen without defensiveness.
5) Lack of a sense of humor, particularly the inability to laugh at oneself and the general absurdities of life.
6) Grudge holders and resentment hoarders
7) Liars and cheaters (a given with #1, but needs stating)
8) Sexual anorexia
9) Emotional cruelty
10) Bigotry

Relationships are hard. They are made harder by people who cannot talk and listen to each other honestly. Humor and empathy helps with that communication thing. The ability to let go of slights really makes life easier.

I believe almost any relationship can be salvaged, even built into something special if both people are able to be rigorously honest.

I also believe even the BEST MATCHED people have ZERO chance for a good relationship if they cannot talk honestly and hear honestly.
 
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A good relationship with a person of the opposite sex should be easy, if both people want the relationship to be good.
I say opposite sex because same sex relationships are not for me.
Due to my religious beliefs, my disabilities and that I write stories I have chosen to live alone.
As such I feel quite happy with having a laugh with the people on this site.
 
November
November
*high five*
  • If they're late to everything.. don't show up at 7 when we said we'll meet at 5.
  • No empathy. If they think cold/unfeeling = strong
  • If they don't understand how fun being "geeky" is
  • No mind games and thinking "well, that's how relationships work". Maybe on TV not in real life.
  • Way into labels.
  • Defeatist attitude. No time for it.
  • Are unwilling work on themselves. Unhappy but don't want to do a thing to change thier life.
  • Aren't open to other ideas/mindsets.
  • If they're smudge and arrogant.
DeepBlueJoy said:
4) Inability to listen without defensiveness.
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This one is gold.
 
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No interest in good TV. Like Buffy, Angel, Supernatural...No interest in good TV. All joking aside. No conversational skills! TV doesn't matter. Just communicate!
 
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I had a friend once, who never wanted to discuss the issue when we had a fight. She always just ignored it (and me) for a few weeks and then she'd show up at my door, pretending the fight never happened. Of course, I let her pretend and then next time we fought the bad cycle continued. This went on for about a decade of friendship and was beyond unhealthy.

I will not accept that a SO acts the same way. There has to be communication.
 
Taake
Taake
I've been in that situation. It sucks.
@EarthLogic I guess this comes somewhat belated, but if you are still curious: You meet so many people who are so amazingly impressive in so many different way, but hardly anyone realise this about themselves. It is just so refreshing whenever you meet someone who is truly assured about their own self worth. Humbleness, whether genuine or affected, is just not that sexy.

But usually I have to settle for humble and then do what I can to make them less humble 😛
 
@WillowFromBuffy do you mean self deprecating? Cause I find that annoying as well. When I think humble I think someone self assured but without an inflated ego/arrogant. Different definitions I guess..
 
NeddaSai said:
@WillowFromBuffy do you mean self deprecating? Cause I find that annoying as well. When I think humble I think someone self assured but without an inflated ego/arrogant. Different definitions I guess..
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No, I definitely mean humble. Why not have an inflated ego? Who's to say what the right size of an ego is?
 
NeddaSai
NeddaSai
Aah my bad!
nightshade said:
I think self assured is different to boastful or arrogant
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If you can be boastful and somewhat arrogant, yet still somehow charming, and you don't think yourself too good to date me, then I would very much like to meet you. We have this thing in Norway called Janteloven, which is basically a law against special-ness. Humility is generally given too much credit.
 
Ah, Janteloven, that ol' thang...
 
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WillowFromBuffy
I guess it is technically Danish :p
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