Oh, my dumbest drunk moment...everyone in the IRC's prolly already heard about this, but for those who haven't had the pleasure, let me explain...
My friend Josh and I went out to the club one Saturday night in Chicago. We got tanked, met a really nice non-creeper guy and ended up crashing at his place [which I find a bit embarrassing on it's own - wtf self, I don't even know this guy and just because he let us watch Serenity doesn't mean he's sane!]. Josh woke up at about eight, dude was already passed out, I had stayed awake and was still completely thrashed by the time we left.
I get home, my mother and my sister are already awake and ready to rumble. My mom guilt trips me into to going to the zoo with her and a bunch of her friends, and my sister comes with. At the zoo, I have a large beer the size of my arm and my mother, in all her genius, mixes a bunch of vodka and orange soda things to carry around and drink on the low-low.
Suffice to say, I was decently drunk by the time we left the zoo, and we decided to go to a bar after that. I can't remember how many beers I had...eight, twelve. I remember my mom wanted to talk to this guy and I went up and got him for her, and then...well, it all goes black.
I apparently started punching my sister in the arm a lot, so much so that I knocked over my glass of beer and broke it all over the floor. They gave me ANOTHER ONE [WITH A STRAW!]. I was cursing at my mom, "MOM! STOP TALKING ABOUT ******* POLITICS!" and the like. I went out to smoke with my sister and some lady who was much, much more drunk than I was was calling me 'Blackie' and screaming at me for a cigarette. Caitlin told her off and I gave her the death stare and went back inside.
At some point I passed out on the floor. The people working there didn't know what to do because they thought I WASN'T BREATHING, so they were gonna call an ambulance. Caitlin, knowing all too well now drunk I can get, starts cursing them out and pushes them out of the way and starts screaming in face. I guess I popped my eyes open and went, "CAITLIN! YAY CAITLIN!"
The waiter had to drag me forceably out to the car and drop my drunk ass in the back seat of the car. On the way home, I was screaming about how I WANTED MY REAL MOMMY, who was driving the car. And once I realized she was my real mother, I kept trying to hug her over the backseat. I also tried to crawl into the backseat more than once, where Caitlin had to hold my ankle as to keep me from opening the back latch in the trunk.
I got home, almost fell asleep in a pile of leaves at the end of my driveway, walked inside picking leaves out of my hair and sobbing to my mother going, "I DIDN'T MEAN TO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Which seems to be my catchphrase when I get drunk and do something stupid. I fell over a lot. Almost passed out in on the couch in our garage. I remember sobbing about Danny, going, "HE DOESN'T KNOW ME! HE DOESN'T REMEMBER MY NAME!" I fell over in the bathroom and cut my back all to hell and back on the heater. My brother had to haul me over his shoulder and forceably throw me into bed, where I didn't stay worth a shit. Bolted back up and ran around the house sobbing and screaming for another two hours before, somehow, I went to bed.
I woke up and I had kicked all the sheets off my bed and I could already feel my hangover glaring at me. It was not fun, but in retrospect, it was quite funny. 😀
