In Angel season 5, why do you think Spike didn’t tell Buffy he was alive? I’m looking for why the character acted that way, not the off camera reasons they did that.
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I know you say stick to in character but It's a bit inconsistent all the same. In Damage he tells Andrew not to tell Buffy but in That Girl in Question he has no problem or issues flying to Italy and helping Buffy and obviously her knowing about it.
The Bryan Lynch comic does it best. He tells Willow not to tell Buffy because he's helping people/building a life without her and doesn't want it to be because of her.
In S8 the meet up is a but of a let down anyway. Buffy fantasies about having sex with Spike, he provides some exposition and well that's pretty much it.