Willow's sexuality

[Fuffy]

I've heard this A LOT from various friends of mine. Of liking somebody so much more than they like you and in that way.

It's never fun to go through finding out that the person you are attracted to in that way isn't into you that way, and its even worse when it's your best friend.
While Buffy and Faith were never friends, Buffy was the closest thing Faith ever had for one.

Or it is possible to be either aromantic or asexual towards one of the sex only (eg: a woman is sexually attracted to men, but not romantically, but she is both romantically and sexually attracted to women). So sexuality can sometimes be pretty complex, it's not as easy as saying you're either gay, straight or bi.

Sexuality is always complex, even when someone is completely straight.

If there is one thing I have learned about sexuality after a very long life

Are you a vampire ? 😛
Sexuality is all over the place, I think that most people just have their preferences and identify upon them.
(Ex:Willow is bi, but prefers to identify as a lesbian).

 

[laianna]

I think Willow crushed on Xander mainly because he was the only one close to her emotionally and physically for so long... And I would say Oz kinda started as a rebound to Xander... He liked her first and she just kinda went with it and became close with him too. He was her first sexual experience. But Tara was the game changer... I think that's when she knew she preferred women. Even Oz couldn't win her back. We see her express herself as "gay" in her subsequent relationships and comments.

 

[Kana]

Just to reiterate what I said before, I think many of the complaints about Willow's sexuality is to do with the larger problem of the poor portrayal of bisexuality.

As I've said before, people can I identify as they like. I've known a woman who was in a long term relationship with a woman, but subsequent to that identified as heterosexual. While many believed she was in denial, some accepted her self-identification.

Now there is nothing wrong with sexuality being fluid for us to identify as we like. Sexual behaviour, past and present doesn't necessarily determine sexual orientation, however we are dealing with a fictional character created by a heterosexual man.

So this means we are able to criticize the portrayal of LBGT character. Don't mistake me, I think in many ways it was a great creative decision and it was noble that they avoided the "lesbian kiss for the ratings" tactic. Considering when the story first broke, it was still pretty revolutionary at the time but I can't help wondering if they should had more dialogue at least addressing her past relationships with males and how that factors into her sexuality, if at all.

We also have the problem of vampire Willow who apparently seems bisexual, but she's evil which unfortunately feeds to the "Depraved Bisexual Trope".

All in all, I'm glad with what they did with Willow and Tara's relationship, but it doesn't mean we can't scrutinize how it was written. Even if they had a one or two lines of dialogue, it would have been nice, but I guess we have to contend with the unfortunate "No Bisexuals" implication, which seems to be quit prevalent in the Buffyverse.

 

[Ethan Reigns]

In "The Wish 3x09", vampire Willow and vampire Xander seem to have the relationship Willow was looking for in real life. They seemed to be lovers (to the extent of maybe Spike and Drusilla) and were quite happy with their lot in the afterlife. Later on, vampire Willow (in "Doppelgangland 3x16") acknowledges that she seems to be a little bit gay and this appears to come as a bit of a surprise to her, so I would be inclined to think bisexual. But there are a number of people in real life who have entered into standard heterosexual marriages (such as Sally Ride and Elton John) before accepting that they are homosexual, so this infatuation Willow had with Xander might just be part of a normal sequence of going from believing she is hetero to understanding that she is lesbian.

 

[HowiMetdaSlayer]

IMO - Willow's bi. She was clearly attracted to men in the early seasons, but they hinted at her being into women as well. Everyone brings up Dopplegangland as the obvious reference, but Willow also mentions that she's 'been going thru stuff' while talking to Buffy in early season 3. As for her later seasons' declarations/actions, I think it had more to do with the writers/Whedon wanting to have a gay character. Which obviously I don't have a problem with, but I'd prefer that they would've stayed true to the character. By this point Will & Grace was already on TV, so it's not like that novel. Besides, anything they said or done in the last two (TV) seasons I'd take with a grain of salt due to the level (or lack thereof) of writing on the show.

 

[bespangeled]

IMO - Willow's bi. She was clearly attracted to men in the early seasons, but they hinted at her being into women as well. Everyone brings up Dopplegangland as the obvious reference, but Willow also mentions that she's 'been going thru stuff' while talking to Buffy in early season 3. As for her later seasons' declarations/actions, I think it had more to do with the writers/Whedon wanting to have a gay character. Which obviously I don't have a problem with, but I'd prefer that they would've stayed true to the character. By this point Will & Grace was already on TV, so it's not like that novel. Besides, anything they said or done in the last two (TV) seasons I'd take with a grain of salt due to the level (or lack thereof) of writing on the show.

I remember reading an article about Tara and Willow and the decision to let Willow have a lesbian relationship, so yes it was a big thing. Joss Whedon said he didn't think that those who would disapprove would even watch the show for other reasons.

It's more than possible to have a crush on a best friend or a really fascinating teacher without having any sexual attraction.Except for what both characters called a short blip - two weeks in over 10 years - there is no hint that the two really want each other. Willow has a crush because apparently Xander is the only boy she can talk to.

The times do matter. Now that I am on facebook I am finding a lot of my friends were gay and lesbian but none came out f the closet. When the show was on, my daughter identified as trans, and he gay friends were routinely beat on. Willow was raised in a place where the dominant sexuality was hetero, and she tried to fit into that mold, at least. But I never saw her relationship with Oz as all that sexual - more cute and cuddly.

Being a lesbian does not mean never having to decide what you are and what your attractions mean. I knew a lot of teens during this time and more than one was going through that personal journey.

 

[FellDownAlone]

My only problem with Willow is that I believe she went for people she felt she could influence and control. She had no control over Xander in winning his affections (until that time they cheated). She had no control over Oz leaving (even though it was for her own good). Not even a year later, she finds this shy Wicca who is more than interested in her. Willow spends time with her because Tara is the only other real witch in the area who practices real magic. She then realizes how influential she is over Tara and how Tara praises her with her abilities in spells and such. Then, she jumps onto Kennedy. An impressionable teen who; though it appears she's the one who does the seducing; praises Willow up and down and obeys. Again, Willow doesn't even wait a year before she jumps into bed with this new person. She loved Oz "oh so much" that she almost drank herself into a depression. She loved Tara "oh so much" that she became the Big Bad at the end of season 6. I never felt "love" between Willow and who ever was her partner, because I never felt "love" from Willow to that person. It was clear that her counterparts were infatuated with her, but I didn't feel anything but "I'm glad I have you to be my security blanket" from her towards them. It was very disappointing to me in Willow's character. She kept saying, "I'm gay now. I'm a lesbian now." and openly admiring women, but I wonder how much of her was convincing herself that she was "gay" when it could be that with her minimal but dramatic issues with men led her to think that men were just too difficult. I don't even think she stayed with Tara when Oz came because she loved Tara, but because it was clear to her that she couldn't control Oz.

Oz and Willow's love felt genuine, however, Seth Green went to pursue his career to a further level (go Seth green!). I think Joss knew he wouldn't be able to come up with another male character that could fit Willow the way Oz did, so he decided on Willow being his "gay" character. People give Oz flack for being "flat with not much personality", but he wasn't in the show all that much. A few episodes here, a few there, half of the fourth season; in that amount of time you expect a great deal of genuine character development? Joss was hellbent on having one of the mains be gay, but the way he approached and wrote it with Willow was just too forced for me. It didn't flow naturally because it was so rushed and very little of the relationship was built up. If it was done well, I would have preferred Cordelia to being the "gay" character, but he moved her over to Angel. Though, she still could have been gay had Joss decided it.

For me, personally, if they had waited for the Tara/Willow relationship to start in season 5, it probably would have been more believable and more fluid and I could have enjoyed the couple more. Regardless of what I think, though, sexuality is a bizarre phenomenon that I don't even care about labels anymore. People love who they love, do who they do, whatever.

 

[Lila]

If it was done well, I would have preferred Cordelia to being the "gay" character

This made me chuckle. Who would you pair her up with? Buffy maybe?🙂 Sometimes I think there is a bond between them, but I can't put my finger on what it is. They may hate each other, but more often than not, they also have each other's backs.

Willow can come across a bit aloof and immersed in her magic practice and research type things. However, she was devastated by Oz's leaving, and she went absolutely nuts when Tara was killed. Was it because of lost love, or something like losing a treasured possession? I don't know.

 

[FellDownAlone]

This made me chuckle. Who would you pair her up with? Buffy maybe?🙂 Sometimes I think there is a bond between them, but I can't put my finger on what it is. They may hate each other, but more often than not, they also have each other's backs.

Willow can come across a bit aloof and immersed in her magic practice and research type things. However, she was devastated by Oz's leaving, and she went absolutely nuts when Tara was killed. Was it because of lost love, or something like losing a treasured possession? I don't know.

I feel like a character mixed with a little bit of Kennedy and a little bit of Faith might, MIGHT, suit Cordelia for at least a first love.

But, the "losing a treasured possession" sounds about right to me. Maybe not even so much as a possession, but definitely something treasured. EX: When I had to put down my dog. My dog was like my baby and I fell into a deep depression. After two years, I still cry when I see certain dogs that look like him, or even people just walking down the streets with their dogs. Willow didn't have to be "in love" with Tara to have that sort of reaction. She could have easily had that same reaction towards Buffy, Xander, or Dawn. I like the way you put it.

 

[Lila]

Willow didn't have to be "in love" with Tara to have that sort of reaction.

Maybe so. The thing is, they changed Willow's character so much during the show that it's hard to make "the right" interpretation of how she feels.

Aww, sorry about your dog.🙁

 

[FellDownAlone]

Maybe so. The thing is, they changed Willow's character so much during the show that it's hard to make "the right" interpretation of how she feels.

Aww, sorry about your dog.🙁

Willow's character did, indeed, go under a massive transformation. I was sort of missing the quirky Willow by season five. Of course, she has to mature, but the lack of quirkiness left an empty spot in me.

Thank you. Sorry, I only meant to mention it as an example. I didn't mean to bring anything unpleasant to the thread.