I still don't like Bangel, but there is no question that the Angel and Buffy loved each other
@Joan the Vampire Slayer Yes, Angel did stalk Buffy, just like Spike did in seasons 5-7. Both are predators, so this isn't a surprise. Spike and Buffy never loved each other; even Spike finally admitted that. The first thing he did for her, not for him.
Spuffy, on the other hand, is the most repugnant, irredeemably vile, horrifically awful excuse for a romantic relationship it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. I won't say it's the worst around; reviews of the ongoing misogynistic horror show that's currently masquerading as a part of straight romance shows there are worse, though Spuffy does fit nicely into that category.
But, as I have said before, I don't object to people liking Spuffy. You want to go "This relationship is toxic and abusive and in no way should it be pursued in real life, but there's a ton of chemistry and Spike's hot and I love it" then that's fine. I am never going to like that, especially when it turns my entertainment about a young woman with superheroic powers into a show about an abusive male vampire. If I want to watch a woman being abused, I have the news for that.
My objection is to it being
romanticised, the convoluted lengths that are gone to to make out that Spike's abuse of Buffy is "romantic." When all the arguments boil down to "It's not abuse/stalking/rape if he's hot." If Spike was played by, say, Armin Shimerman, Spuffydom would never have existed. If Spike's behaviour wouldn't be defended if he wasn't charming and attractive, then his behaviour is not romantic. It's abuse that's being romanticised because of his looks.
I NEVER justify his bad behaviour. I simply ALSO see his good behaviour and attempts to change. That matters. He is a mess. Their relationship after Buffy comes back is not a healthy one... still, there is caring there and there is good in a lot of Spike's actions... and a trajectory of change. I have seen people change after (for example) sobriety and built something good after surviving bad times. Why i love spuffy isn't the hot mess of crazy that is the time after Buffy returns from being dead, but the fact of Spike a) saving her inspite of being a demon who should not have ANY empathy b) his recognizing his need for change after he hurt her, BECAUSE he hurt her. I know a lot of men who cannot change after hurting someone. I think that a demon who can change is something remarkable.
NOTE: unlike some in the Spuffy fandom, i have ZERO use for a endgame of spuffy where Spike has no soul. Spike with no soul is not capable of being a partner with Buffy.
I do not think there's any romance in abuse. I do think there's a lot of substance in the crazy, screwed up and real feeling relationship that Spike and Buffy have after she comes back, in spite of it being more than a little toxic, and therefore unsustainable as is.
I don't see the abuse as being one-sided, btw... People keep making Buffy into a victim -- probably because they don't see Spike as a being with real feelings, but Buffy hurts him repeatedly, as she says, 'using him' and including giving him a beat down that essentially left him for dead...
after he tried to save her from her own depressive need to turn herself in to the police for a murder she didn't do. Buffy NEVER makes amends for this. No one, not even a demon, deserves that kind of extreme violence, and emotional dismissal. Spike could easily have been too injured to get out of the alley and might have been in danger of dying when the sun came up. Buffy didn't give him a backward glance.
So if Buffy isn't the victim of the piece, maybe there's something more going on here? I believe that Buffy works out her pain on the body and soul of Spike, and Spike does his best AS A DEMON WITH NO PREVIOUS MORAL COMPASS to try to help her. Does it come out well? Heck no!!
Does it prevent her from complete self-destruction? Definitely. I think she knows this.
I think the fact she was willing to take Dawn to be with Spike after the episode in the bathroom is disturbing, but also a sign she doesn't view it in black and white the way Xander does.
I believe the REAL, sustainable and progressively more healthy relationship was born and grew VERY SLOWLY after he came back, and they slowly rebuilt trust.
The implosion of the relationship with Giles, Dawn and the scoobies made it much easier for her to turn to Spike. She did not put them after Spike. They expected her to be a good little soldier. She chose to be a COMPLETE GENERAL -- and she viewed all of them, including herself and Spike as expendable and acted to suit. Did this go down well? No. should she have handled it more diplomatically? Probably - though frankly, the threat was great enough and her resources were non-existent. The addition of a bunch of frightened children who were rude, abusive (kennedy) and seriously not her responsibility while trying to save the world and care for Dawn with NO COUNCIL MONEY and NO WATCHER SUPPORT. I am not sure I would have let Giles dump 3 dozen people on me and leave me to scavenge for food and supplies... Just NO.
So if she turned to Spike? It wasn't an irresponsible girl turning to her abusive lover. It was someone practical turning to the one being who wasn't actively using and hurting her and stretching her thin without any regard to the personal cost of it.
Of course she would turn to Spike... he was the
one person who was supporting her rather than criticizing her failure at every turn. Giles wanted it both ways... he wanted her to lead the potentials, while giving her no visibleauthority, or support and making it clear to everyone that he did not respect the authority he expected her to wield. What could he have said that would have given Kennedy the idea that she could basically spit on Buffy's shoes at her doorstep... when coming for sanctuary. But Kennedy was a vile specimen of a rich girl, so i can't blame Giles entirely. I
do blame him for not upbraiding Kennedy with a Ripper moment, however. We know he is capable of being a very scary man, even to demons. Yet, he let her behaviour fester.
Yes, of course Buffy was a crap general... because she had NO TRAINING AND NO SUPPORT FROM GILES. But
she saved the world anyway... with the same vampire that Giles tried to murder.
This is the same Giles that ABANDONED A SUICIDAL SLAYER who had dug out of her grave and left her to fend for herself and her grieving minor sister.. with NO MONEY or other support. She should have ALWAYS been paid -- more than Giles, more than Travers... she was the asset. They were support staff. But it's like this everywhere.. special forces get paid decently, but i suspect not as well as generals... but often, Buffy is called on to do both... she fights, she researches, she coordinates battles... Even going so far as to gather her classmates back in the fight against the mayor... yet she is essentially a slave for 8 years.
Even slaves on plantations got food, clothing and shelter in exchange for being brutalized for their lives. She was less brutalized, but them attempting to murder her at 18 so they could get a more controllable model taught her that she really could not count on them for anything... and that 'father's love' apparently went away entirely after she dug out of her grave...
And after coming back from heaven and digging out of hell, Giles tells her to 'grow the E#% up' and goes back to his nice estate in Britain to leave her to contend with the Hellmouth and it's nightly crop of new demons. Yeah, no! I wouldn't let him dump his also-rans on my doorstep... one of whom insults her on the way
in the door.
Giles basically reverted to the council's viewpoint: 'the slayer is our expendable tool...' yet he also expects her to lead and care for everyone... then he undercuts her publicly at every turn. Of course she doesn't trust him.
She turns to...
Spike, Faith and Angel and eventually
Willow for help. Yes, without them, they would not have stood a chance.
The potentials really contributed NOTHING until she gave them her power.
Basically, the only people besides Buffy, Spike, Angel and Willow who did anything worthwhile were the originals... Giles and Xander, and maybe a tiny bit, Principal Wood. We could have been entirely without the rest and they would not have been missed.
But, all this to say... of course, Buffy trusts Spike and far more than the others. of course, she is desperate to get him back from the first... I argue she would have gone after ANY captured scooby, btw...
as she does for Xander.
Anyway... She's been burned by her own sister... the one she died for... The night she leaves the house, she is so far down the scale she is ready to give up. I think that's why she did such a horrible thing in kicking the man out of his house... In my opinion, that was one of the worst things she ever did... Though there's a good chance that if he got out of Sunnydale, she saved his life. Without Spike... I think Buffy would have died in Sunnydale or maybe just walked away. She had
nothing left.
BTW, we see no sign of them rekindling things while he's busy being her chief lieutenant. So the Storm and Fury about her focus on Spike is a bit misguided.
In fact, by the end, ironically, she's very nearly the slayer the council wanted. Cold blooded... (though not heartless) She saw a fight she HAD to win, and everyone was fuel for the battle... just as ALL generals do. They may not want
any soldiers to die, but you betcha that they're willing to send them all in if that's the only way to win. Please reference the number of deaths in WWI and WWII at a minimum. The 'good' side even bombed civilian cities. The US nuked Japan.
So, Buffy bringing 30 people into the vineyard and losing some of them? I'm sorry they died. But she was right to go in and right to go back. And right to consider
everyone expendable because the cost of losing that war was the literal ending of life as we know it. In the end, she sacrificed Spike. I don't think that was a cheap sacrifice, regardless of their relationship or lack thereof.
Buffy proved herself over and over, often in spite of the council and the obstacles they put in her way. She sacrificed her life to save the world from the Master. She sacrificed herself to close the portal Glory made. She sacrificed the person she trusted most and who clearly loved her... and who she maybe loved most to save the world at the end. And she stayed around to fight, when a lesser person might have left Sunnydale the night they kicked her out... After all, they still had a slayer. And a watcher. Giles didn't want a slayer who wasn't nice and obedient. Why bother when they make it clear your views and your way is so unwanted, that your own sister kicks you out into hell without a safe place to be?
Oh yes, that dumb vampire gave you the courage to go on.
