I have never enjoyed exercise or experienced the endorphin rush that people always claim comes with it, so I am a huge hypocrite when I agree that you should exercise. lol. When I was 19, my boyfriend used to hit the gym pretty heavily before he came to visit me at college... and it didn't just get him laid, it eventually got him married. lol. Of course, he doesn't exercise anymore and no longer looks like he did when he was 20, but still. I appreciated the extra effort at the time. It made me feel really special. I liked that he worked so hard to impress me. And I won't lie; I was impressed. Hubby had some guns. And long, curly hair. And very nice leather pants… sigh…. Heck, it was a women's college, so hubby even had a bona fide fan club (with a president and everything). I'm just saying. I was totally afraid of commitment of any sort, and my hubby got me to marry him. Taking a page from his book and hitting the gym so as to look sexy in leather pants couldn't hurt. I love him. He’s the best. Oooh – and he had an interview today, so he wore a smooth looking pinstripe suit jacket… Okay. I will stop the husband swoonage. Sorry. I get sidetracked with that sometimes.
I’m telling you about my hubby for two reasons: First, I like to get all swoony and brag about the hubby; and second, because, before me, he only had one girlfriend. He wasn’t all that confident in his appearance (he still isn’t). He wasn’t all that confident in his dating or social skills, either. But he still got the girl. Why? Well, as much as I liked those guns of his, that wasn’t why he got the girl. He got the girl because he was my best friend. He still is. If you want a nice, stable, loving relationship, then you need to meet girls who have similar interests and you need to cultivate friendships with those girls. Treat and view them as friends and equals, not as prizes to be won or goals to be achieved. I treated guys like goals and prizes and sometimes worse for a long time, but I never had a functional, meaningful, and lasting relationship until the hubby came along. I knew I could *get* any man any time, but I wasn’t even interested in keeping one. “Love ‘em and leave ‘em,” I said, even when one or two managed to stick around long past my usual cutoff point. My hubby showed me a different, more fulfilling way to approach the opposite sex. Real relationships aren’t about having certain experiences by a certain cutoff date. They’re not about using each other. Real relationships are about enjoying one another’s company and caring enough to be there through thick and thin. You can’t force that. It takes time to develop. If you’re looking for a chick to pick up at a bar, that’s one thing. It’s an entirely valid and also entirely different ball of wax. If you’re looking for the real thing, though, you just can’t force it.
You can’t force the sex thing, either. If you have that real sort of bond, the sex stuff all works itself out, anyway. Sex is no big thing. I don’t see why people get all worked up about it. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap. This is a kid-friendly site, so I’m not gonna be all graphic. Instead, I’ll just say it’s an instinct. It’s the biological imperative at work. You can do it. Pretty much everyone can. You just do what feels good. Simple as that. When you already have that close, loving relationship in place, the sex part is a lot easier. Both partners are able to communicate needs and wants without (or with a minimum of) embarrassment, which leads to both partners having those needs and wants fulfilled. That leads to less performance anxiety and fewer self-confidence issues and an all around more positive experience for everyone involved. Really. Just don’t worry about that. Know how to be safe when the time comes, and then just let nature take its course on that one. It’s not something that you can really force or put a deadline on, either.
That said, if you still think performance anxiety is going to bother you when you do find someone about whom you truly care, then you might consider an educational fling with a trusted, experienced, and open-minded friend. It will probably be a very awkward and sort of mechanical experience, but at least you’ll have that hurdle out of the way and can then focus on the relationship instead of on the sex. Seriously, though, I wouldn’t worry about this part. If a girl really likes you, she’s not going to care that you’re a virgin. She might even find it sweet or refreshing. She might even think it’s totally cool that she gets to be your first. That’s not just a guy thing. We chicks sort of dig the idea of claiming territory, too. So really, don’t worry. The vast majority of the population dates, has sex, and even marries. I’m sure you’ll be no different.
I guess this is my long-winded way of saying the same thing everyone else has said: don’t worry; it’ll all work itself out.
Hope I helped.
