I am not saying it's different but the show itself followed those rules. The reason The Trio using the dampener was considered rape is that is the purpose of it was solely to make someone have sex. The various uses of other spells are treated differently, so we have the girls being embarrassed rather than outraged by eps like BBB and Him. Willow's spell isn't to make Tara sleep with Willow.* No, she has had ANY ability to make meaningful consent REMOVED by means of a mindwipe. The mind rape facilitates actual rape - sex that the clear minded Tara would not have consented to. She was made to forget the reason for no sex. Women who are drugged are often given things that make them confused, compliant and controllable. How is this different?
Not saying I agree with it or that it's right, but that's the logic the show was using.
Buffy, no, but Faith was acted entitled from the start. Both she and Kendra had an attitude toward Buffy, belittled her and acted like she wasn't any kind of thing. Rarely do you see anyone hating them for that attitude.* Buffy never said anything like that to Giles, even at the beginning when the WC had led to her being expelled and put in a mental institution. Kennedy was about to be a guest when she arrived at Buffy's door and her OPENING greeting was a nasty verbal slap in the face.