Kennedy does not pretend to be into the same things as Willow. It would have been more damning if she had feigned interest just to further ensnare Willow. But like Spike, she doesn't think anything worthwhile can come from it.
The kiss didn't turn Willow into Warren, Amy's spell did. Furthermore, the spell was not specific but was intended to look into the target's psyche and determine the most appropriate form to take. Turning her into the person she hated and killed would be an expected response. Kennedy's kiss broke the grief long enough to disconnect it from Willow. Willow feels ashamed to have temporarily moved on but I have seen the resullts of the love for a dead person lasting the rest of the other person's life and it was tragedy. The woman in the apartment next to us was born about 1900 and had one true love who went off to the Great War (before they called it WWI) and died. She went through all her life with no one. Think about it - the roaring twenties flapper era, the depression, WWII, the postwar boom and the stagflation of the 1970's (when we met her) and she had no one throughout that time. And she could have - even though she was in her 70's it was obvious she had always been an attractive woman. Kennedy's kiss prevented all of that.
You don't trust something as valuable as the scythe to just anyone to take from Willow to the battle - you have to have someone with power in case demons accost you on the way. There is no way you could say Kennedy was playing hooky from the battle - her first comment was, Ì could get used to this.`` And as for Willow wanting a bigger say in things Look at the stupid decisions that were covered over by the MacGuffins of the scythe and the medallion and in fact all the decisions Buffy made. If I were to be sent into a war, I would like as much say about things as possible even though Buffy had said, `We just became an army,`` I don`t see officer material in Buffy.
Willow needed to grieve at her own pace, not have someone force their way into her bed. That's not DEALING, that's abusive and taking advantage.
I have been widowed. I was 32. I have also been remarried. I still love the man I lost after 25 years. You don't 'get over' losing someone the way you get over a bad break up. It's different. (I have also been divorced). My first marriage ended in divorce. But we all get ready for moving on at our own pace. You do 'get over' divorce. It is a different kind of loss. In some ways, widowhood was much
simpler... and much
harder.
Widowhood is simple because it is absolute. It is a place of clarity.
I did things in the days after I was widowed, I had not had the courage to do. I had lost the greatest thing in my life forever. Nothing anyone could do could hurt as much, they could not take anything from me because I had lost EVERYTHING in one moment, so I was kind of fearless.
But it IS simple. It is finished. You are cut off permanently and irrevocably and you HAVE to move on in some way -- and you are completely unattached in a way you aren't when you get divorced.
This can make you both very open AND very vulnerable to the wrong person. (and everyone will judge you if you do move on early, even though they are telling you 'get over it'!)
Divorce is messy.
Widowhood is clean.
A bad divorce can make someone afraid to be in a relationship. So much resentment and hurt, and healing can be hard to find.
Widowhood can make you know EXACTLY what you do want in a relationship...
if the relationship worked. But first you must be able to put your pain in your pocket enough to focus on another person or it's not fair to the NEW person.
If the relationship did not work well, widowhood can be a bit like divorce... Except, with more clarity. You know exactly what you NEVER want again. you may have spent years miserable. You grieve, but you are also relieved.
Maybe your neighbor was like that.
Or maybe she simply lost her soul mate and didn't want to ever experience that much pain again. I can relate. I fear a second widowhood more than most people. And yet, I also know I will survive it. But I don't WANT to experience it again, though because I'm female and the younger partner, it's likely I will.
Widowhood is also harder because you cannot go back. It's over. You can fix nothing. You can share nothing. They're dead. It always hurts.
Divorce hurt for a while, but I got over it. I let go of the anger and even forgave him (though I would never let him back in my life).
I still grieve the kids I didn't have with the man who died. the places we never went, the future he never got to have. The laughter we shared. The dreams that died.
It is tragic that the lady you knew didn't find someone and lived her live alone, but that is likely abnormal grief and you don't know her circumstances after the loss. Losing a partner when you're really young is very hard (I did). You lose the entire future you were hoping to share with that person, as well as their love and their presence. That is like losing a limb. It will never grow back.
Someone can take the role of husband or partner, but no one can ever replace the dead person. People who tried to hit on me early on were exactly who I didn't want in my life. His death was NOT their opportunity to shove themselves in. I came close to decking one guy. Oddly, the guy who decided to help me with logistics of life after a loss (a virtual stranger I met
because of my loss) and who asked for NOTHING and didn't try anything... Well, we've been married for more than 2 decades.
🙂 It happened without either of us trying - within a year. Because he was kind, supportive and RESTRAINED. He was not pushy.
Of my other friends who've lost partners? Some remarry soon. Some years later. Some never do. That isn't always a tragedy, btw. Sometimes you have a great love and you don't want anyone to take their place or try to. Some end up doing other things... travel, creative endeavors, family (kids, grand kids).
People judge ALL of us for whatever choices we make. It's none of their business.
Most people need a year at minimum to get to a point where they truly feel ready to handle and/or want to move forward with someone else.... They may crave sex and contact almost IMMEDIATELY (most who are happily married/partnered have a lot of love to give) -- but even with those feelings, most people need some space to just have their minds
clear. Grief brain is NOT a great head space and it really does cloud your thinking. It can greatly screw up your judgment too and that is why predators can take advantage of grieving widows/widowers so easily.
It's why counselors suggest not making any major decisions within the first year (if you can help it).
We are all different. Just as you cannot 'sex the gay out' of a person, you cannot 'sex the grief out' either. People are who they are and need what they need. Just because your one person had complicated and tragic grieving doesn't mean people need to be forced. There is a word for that. It's assault.
Kennedy didn't assault Widow, but she wanted what she wanted, and I think she took advantage of Willow's vulnerability, rather than forming a partnership. They had NO common points other than both being lesbians. Just being the only two people of a particular orientation is NOT grounds for a relationship. I would not grudge anyone a 'get back on the horse' relationship/sexual experience. But it wasn't Willow's desire or need that drove the coming together... and when someone has lost a partner, the first encounter MUST be what THEY want, not them acquiescing to the other person's wants. Come to think of it, ANY coming together should always be truly mutual.
