I think I might have aspergers

[Xin Rong]

For many years now, I've suspected I have some kind of aspergers type condition. I've always managed my condition by myself, but recently I have found it more and more difficult to manage it. I tried to go for a diagnosis a few times but my partner and friends repeatedly told me that a diagnosis would enable me to be socially awkward, aka it would give me an excuse to be a dick.

I have recently booked an appointment with a GP to test my own diagnosis and have been met with a lot of hostility from my partner who thinks I am being attention seeking. I genuinely believe that I have the condition but now I'm worried about the consequences from it. It seems my friends and family agree with the symptoms but refuse the reality of my potential condition. They have told me that even if I get diagnosed with the aspergers, or some similar issue, they wouldn't believe in that diagnosis. I don't know what to do, any advice?

 

[Samuel Reyes]

It's just something your friends and family are going to have to learn to accept. Asperger's Syndrome cannot be fully understood by those not afflicted with the disorder, so it's only natural for them not to comprehend the complexity of your potential condition -- which can also be serious for those without access to a support system made up of those closest to him or her. If you are genuinely diagnosed with Asperger's, you are not attention-seeking. All the people who love and cherish you can only be asked to offer their support in helping you adjust -- however, if the symptoms have already been noticed, the revelation about your having Asperger's shouldn't be a problem. It's just something new in your life that requires attention but hasn't phased out the person you've been the last 27 years. It shouldn't change anything. If you do not have Asperger's, continue to live life to its fullest and may everyone in it continue to support you regardless.

Hope this helped!

 

[Skanky Vamp]

It seems my friends and family agree with the symptoms but refuse the reality of my potential condition. They have told me that even if I get diagnosed with the aspergers, or some similar issue, they wouldn't believe in that diagnosis.

Then those are good friends and family! That's the kind of people you need in your life.

 

[The Bronze]

My advice would be to look after yourself first and let everyone else come around in their own time. Regardless of whether you have the condition or not it's playing on your mind and you need answers. A trip to the doctors is the first step in getting the help you're looking for. I can't offer any useful advice on the condition itself because it's not something I have any knowledge of. All the best though and I hope you go to your appointment and get some answers.

 

[Fuffy]

It's good that you are not self diagnosing yourself and going to a doctor to confirm it before saying that you have it 🙂
If it turns out that you do have Aspergers (or a similar condition), tell your family and close friends, but let them come around to the diagnosis at their own time.
I'd also continue using the coping mechanisms you have in place already and possibly also meet with a Therapist.

Hope I helped (my 500th post, helping those in need 😛).

 

[bespangeled]

For many years now, I've suspected I have some kind of aspergers type condition. I've always managed my condition by myself, but recently I have found it more and more difficult to manage it. I tried to go for a diagnosis a few times but my partner and friends repeatedly told me that a diagnosis would enable me to be socially awkward, aka it would give me an excuse to be a dick.

I have recently booked an appointment with a GP to test my own diagnosis and have been met with a lot of hostility from my partner who thinks I am being attention seeking. I genuinely believe that I have the condition but now I'm worried about the consequences from it. It seems my friends and family agree with the symptoms but refuse the reality of my potential condition. They have told me that even if I get diagnosed with the aspergers, or some similar issue, they wouldn't believe in that diagnosis. I don't know what to do, any advice?

Aspergers is more widely understood now than at any time - and I seriously think that if you can find the emotional strength then break up with you partner because you are describing some very very destructive and abusive behavior.

Whatever the diagnosis k in mind that you have managed all along, and this is just word to explain why it has been hard. Maybe you can get help too - at least a support system that accepts you for who you are.

 

[Nix]

It is difficult living with yourself when you know something is not working the same as everyone else around you. Especially when people keep telling you there is nothing wrong. You know your own mind and body better than anyone else. If you feel you need help, go get it. Sod everyone else. It's your life and your body and if you want to improve your quality of life through getting a correct diagnosis and the correct help to manage that diagnosis, that is your decision to make. I have had this, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. It was a shell shock to most people including myself (even though I knew something was wrong in my mind, I didn't expect someone to say so after years of being told to grow up and man up). I've lost some friends that I thought were close. I've lost the strong relationships that I thought could handle anything, now they are just simple friends that I can't talk to about my health anymore. Family ask how I am but don't want a reply. BUT, I have gained new friends that actually care and accept me for who I am. This means more to me than those lost when being diagnosed. A lot of people live by the rule of if you can't see it its not there. This is so untrue. My life is not easy just because I've been diagnosed. However, it is easier to cope with life and to ask for help when I need it. Yes I'm on medication (a lot of people don't believe in that also), but it works for me most of the time and keeps me in a slightly better place. Yes my condition is not what you think yours might be. However, I can relate and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me. It won't all be doom and gloom. It can be very refreshing and give you a new lease of life that you didn't expect. xx

 

[Blaze]

I've also been through something similar with my ex girlfriend. I went to her looking for support because I thought I might be suffering from anxiety and depression, and she basically said that she didn't believe me and that I was self diagnosing something that didn't exist. Really I was just looking for advice on what to do or support on how I was feeling, I knew something was wrong, but she didn't believed me because I "looked healthy". or I "Acted normal". Turns out going and getting the diagnosis was the best thing I could have done, just having a name on what I was feeling was a relief. It didn't make the condition better, and it didn't make it any easier telling people, but just knowing that I was not wrong to feel this way was a huge relief. And it also meant that I could build a game plan with the doctor on how to deal with things. (oh, and I got rid of the girl).

I think the most important part is to not self diagnose, but if you're feeling like something is wrong, please, do go see a specialist, because likely there is an explanation for it. And you're the one that knows yourself best, if you feel a certain way, nobody should tell you that your feelings are not valid.

 

[sosa lola]

I think you should go for it. That way, you'll understand yourself and learn how to deal with it.

Three years ago, my husband and I suspected that my son had autism because he did show a lot of symptoms. My parents were against it fiercely and argued that he was "normal" and that I shouldn't put such thoughts in my head - not to mention the various examples of other little boys who used to be horrid as kids and grew up to be respectable young men.

We went for diagnosis without telling anyone, did blood and brain tests, and eventually we were told he had ADHD. Knowing what he had exactly helped us know the direction we should take to help him - he was also language delayed, so we paid for speech therapy sessions and behavior therapy sessions, worked a lot with him at home, following the therapists' instructions, and I've read a lot about ADHD, especially social skills which my son suffers from the most.

Right now, most of those troubling symptoms have disappeared completely, he finally has a best friend who understands him, his language skills have tremendously improved, and he can play with a small group of kids without making a scene.

If I relented to my parents and never went for the diagnosis, my son would have lived his life being called naughty, violent and an idiot, and most probably no school would have accepted him.

 

[bespangeled]

It is difficult living with yourself when you know something is not working the same as everyone else around you. Especially when people keep telling you there is nothing wrong. You know your own mind and body better than anyone else. If you feel you need help, go get it. Sod everyone else. It's your life and your body and if you want to improve your quality of life through getting a correct diagnosis and the correct help to manage that diagnosis, that is your decision to make. I have had this, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. It was a shell shock to most people including myself (even though I knew something was wrong in my mind, I didn't expect someone to say so after years of being told to grow up and man up). I've lost some friends that I thought were close. I've lost the strong relationships that I thought could handle anything, now they are just simple friends that I can't talk to about my health anymore. Family ask how I am but don't want a reply. BUT, I have gained new friends that actually care and accept me for who I am. This means more to me than those lost when being diagnosed. A lot of people live by the rule of if you can't see it its not there. This is so untrue. My life is not easy just because I've been diagnosed. However, it is easier to cope with life and to ask for help when I need it. Yes I'm on medication (a lot of people don't believe in that also), but it works for me most of the time and keeps me in a slightly better place. Yes my condition is not what you think yours might be. However, I can relate and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me. It won't all be doom and gloom. It can be very refreshing and give you a new lease of life that you didn't expect. xx

Yes, it is difficult knowing and not getting anyone to hear you.

I have mild bi-polar, which made so much sense of my life, and PTSD which is only now making sense. I have friends and family with all sorts of issues from multiple personalities to schizophrenia. I hear you - having someone else tell you what you are really feeling is very frustrating the first time....after that it gets progressively worse.

I am going through something of the same friend exodus. I'm disabled and now that I can't give rides but need one there are a lot of people really too busy to do anything. It's okay - they are in that part of their lives, and I am in mine. But it is good to have friends who stick with you, though - whether close, far, or online, it's all the same.

Diagnosis takes away one question, and brings a whole lot of new ones.
Take care - you have made it so far and that shows a lot of strength.

 

[Xin Rong]

Thank you for all of you're of awesome replies. I've been to my GP, he's referred me to a psychiatrist, so I've at least started the journey 🙂

 

[Xin Rong]

My referral has been 'reffered', ergo my referral is now another referral. My girlfriend is still unhappy with my pursuing of this, apparently I'm just a product of my upbringing/a different personality type/attention seeking/weirdo/psycho dependent on her mood. Subsequently, I'm also a drain on NHS resources for even attempting a diagnosis, feeling pretty shitty for trying atm

 

[Ethan Reigns]

No opinion matters except your own and your doctor's.

Your girlfriend sounds like she wants to be your master, so with a bit of treatment, you may find you get a better perspective. BTW Asperger's is no longer in the DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders edition 5) and has been folded into autism. A lot of practitioners are unhappy with that change due to different treatment requirements and insurance eligibility, so discuss this with your doctor before you begin.

 

[bespangeled]

My referral has been 'reffered', ergo my referral is now another referral. My girlfriend is still unhappy with my pursuing of this, apparently I'm just a product of my upbringing/a different personality type/attention seeking/weirdo/psycho dependent on her mood. Subsequently, I'm also a drain on NHS resources for even attempting a diagnosis, feeling pretty shitty for trying atm

People who are close to you sometimes can't support because they are too afraid of change. Pursuing this means you are already changing. If you have a good enough bond to ask her what is scaring her, or just if she is scared that might help you both.

Keep doing what you are doing - change is the only absolute of life - learning is how we form ourselves😉

IMO and YMMV🙂

 

[Xin Rong]

People who are close to you sometimes can't support because they are too afraid of change. Pursuing this means you are already changing. If you have a good enough bond to ask her what is scaring her, or just if she is scared that might help you both.

Keep doing what you are doing - change is the only absolute of life - learning is how we form ourselves😉

IMO and YMMV🙂

Thank you for your advice and support, and for the advice and support of everyone else. I was feeling pretty bad last night, but I've decided that I'm just going to continue down the path I've put myself on, without consultation with family and friends, and just wait and see what happens. If I don't tell them about what I'm doing they can't comment on it or make me feel bad. Even my nana who has never heard of aspergers or autism told me that I don't have it, which made me realise that what you've said is pretty much true. So until there's reason for change to be implemented then I'm just going to keep everyone out of it and stick to my current trajectory.

Again, thanks guys, it's nice to know that some people, who may be comparable strangers, are in my corner 🙂

 

[November]

Playing devils advocate here, but what happens if you dont get the diagnosis? I hope it doesnt upset you. I dont know you so I have no idea if you show traits but I do know there are a large amount of people in their 20's who think they have it just due to maturing at different ages. And many who get the diagnosis, then regret it further down the track. Not saying this is the case - but perhaps where your friends and family are coming from.

I figure if you can handle it on your own, do not seek treatment. Treatment can be worse than just living with it.

 

[Blaze]

Playing devils advocate here, but what happens if you dont get the diagnosis? I hope it doesnt upset you. I dont know you so I have no idea if you show traits but I do know there are a large amount of people in their 20's who think they have it just due to maturing at different ages. And many who get the diagnosis, then regret it further down the track. Not saying this is the case - but perhaps where your friends and family are coming from.

I figure if you can handle it on your own, do not seek treatment. Treatment can be worse than just living with it.

If you can handle it on your own than there is nothing wrong with seeking the diagnosis and then refusing treatment. This is what I did. Power is in knowledge, and it's important to know if something isn't right. And if you feel like something isn't right and it turns out that everything is fine, than it's simple reassurance that you know for sure. I've also never heard of people regretting getting a diagnosis, but of course that's different for everyone. But usually obtaining a diagnosis helps tremendously for many people (that I know).

I had so many people tell me that I wasn't really sick. That what I was experiences was a normal part of university stress. And in most cases, treatment is not worse than living with it. There are many types of treatment to chose from, therapy, medication, simple discussion session, counselling, natural remedies. Many of those are not invasive and cannot make the condition worse.

Seeking treatment is not always right for everyone, but seeking a diagnosis is important to understand the resources available to you. Many people wait years to seek the diagnosis exactly because this is what we are being told almost every day of our life. Or even worst (not that you did that, I'm speaking in a general term), many make us feel ashamed of having a mental disorder. They discourage us from seeking a diagnosis because then it makes the problem real, and there's a big stigma surrounding mental problems. But in the end, simply ignoring the problem does not make it go away. And sure, you might be able to deal, but it's also about the quality of life, and understanding how maybe you could live a better life, or at the bare minimum a life that you understand better.

 

[November]

Once you have a diagnosis in your file, its there for life.

If you choose to share it, no one will forget.

GPs and Psychiatrists are quick to medicate or excuse behaviour, and to someone scared and newly diagnosed, this can send them down a dark path.

Especially with mental disorders, depression/anxiety is as easy as going to a gp to get diagnosed, a diagnosis does not always mean you have it in a clinical sense. Plus many with mental disorders the first diagnosis is usually wrong 😉

There is also a culture at the moment to get diagnosed so you can forgive yourself for your behaviour, and many that mimic symptoms so they have that "excuse". Not all are aware that they are doing it and later do regret having ever got diagnosed.

 

[Blaze]

Once you have a diagnosis in your file, its there for life.

If you choose to share it, no one will forget.

GPs and Psychiatrists are quick to medicate or excuse behaviour, and to someone scared and newly diagnosed, this can send them down a dark path.

Especially with mental disorders, depression/anxiety is as easy as going to a gp to get diagnosed, a diagnosis does not always mean you have it in a clinical sense. Plus many with mental disorders the first diagnosis is usually wrong 😉

There is also a culture at the moment to get diagnosed so you can forgive yourself for your behaviour, and many that mimic symptoms so they have that "excuse". Not all are aware that they are doing it and later do regret having ever got diagnosed.

I know this is not meant to be offensive, but as someone with a mental illness I can't help but feel a bit offended. Firstly, yes, if you share the information, people won't forget, and you might be judged for it. But this is exactly what I'm saying when I say that there is a stigma out there that needs to stop. It should not be a big deal to share this kind of information. If someone has cancer and shared the information, no one would bat an eyelash, everyone will be compassionate towards that person. Yet someone having a mental illness is a big deal? This needs to stop.

Not all GP and Psychiatrists are quick to medicate. My doctor wasn't. My dad works in the field and medication is always used as a last resort. I have 3 friends that have psychiatrists, only one of them is medicated. This is all talking from personal experience of course, so different places and different doctors might make a difference of course.

I just find it a bit offensive that you'd say that just because you're diagnosed with depression or anxiety, that it doesn't mean you have it. That is exactly what I'm being told every day because I "look normal". Even with the diagnosis I have people tell me to "get over it", and honestly this mentality is damaging to the people dealing with a mental illness. Misdiagnosing is possible, it happened to a friend (diagnosed as bipolar, but is really schizophrenic), but this is actually a rare case from what I've seen. If you can dig up some real data showing the amount of diagnosis than I will believe it, but as it is, I've witnessed that most diagnosis are correct, and even if the first diagnosis isn't, usually you end up with the right diagnosis down the line.

Also, out of all the people I know living with a mental disorder, I know none of them, absolutely none, that use their mental illness as an excuse for their behavior. As an explanation, yes, but not as an excuse. It's quite the opposite, most people with a mental illness try to hide it, they don't want people to know they have it because people judge them for it. Telling people that they shouldn't forgive themselves for behaviors they cannot control is a bit naive I think. I have anxiety, I won't deny that it can be crippling, sometimes I'll spend days at a time not being able to sleep, and then days at a time where I could sleep none stop. There's nothing I can do about it, anxiety is not an excuse for that behavior, anxiety explains that behavior. Sometimes I have to give it my all just to get out of bed and go to work, and it truly is my best, but then there are people that constantly tell me I'm using anxiety as an excuse for those things I can't control. I'm sorry that pisses me off. I have never used my mental illness as an excuse, but the truth is there are times I won't be able to do what someone with a healthy brain can do. Regardless I'm still able to work full time, and lead a productive life.

 

[November]

Blaze, you have no idea about true dark mental illness.

If you want the data - just google it. Or watch one of the many documentaries, or do some further study on the subject if you are that interested.

I post as someone who knows a lot about mental illness, both from working in the field and being diagnosed myself.

I am not going to get into an argument.

It is extremely easy to get diagnosed and medicated, and medication is NOT a last resort. Just look at the abuse of benzodiazipines.

Do what you wish with my opinion. Perhaps before getting diagnosed, have a look at a psyc forum.