My biggest issue now is after you talk to someone a few times, how do you move from acquaintance to friend? How do you ask for your new friend's phone number? How do you ask them to hang out sometime over the weekend or something? I know how to talk to people now... but how do you make friends? I don't get that part.
I'd say it depends on how you get along, what common interests do you have. As far as I'm concerned, I never ask people out too soon. I'd rather wait for us to be close enough to be the invited. That's kind of a very passive attitude but it works quite well for me. I don't want to oppress people by asking them too much/too soon to go out. And of course, I don't want to be rejected. It's like when I think about doing something with my classmates, I just wait for someone to say "Hey, shouldn't we do something togheter?" and then for other people to say "oh yeah great idea" to finally decide to organize the event, sending the invitations,...because I know people are interested. With my very close friends, it is easier, because we know each other so well, and see each other so few (differents universities) that I know there will always be someone who says yes.
I never ask for the phone numbers unless I have a reason to. For example, there was a girl I got along great with but we only exchanged numbers when we both joined the little ciné-club of the school. That's probably why I have more contacts on Facebook than on my cell.
I've always had trouble making friends. I was never confident enough and I usually lost friends because I don't know how to be a friend. I mean I try but I'm not good at asking people to go do something because I've been rejected a lot in middle school. I'd call people up, ask if they wanna go to the movies or something. I always called them in advance like my mom told me to. And I still got rejected. I got to the point where I gave up.
I don't know you well but reading this made me thought about a girl I'm working with at school. At the beginning of the year, it was really hard to stand her because she was so desperate to have friends she was kind of oppressive. I don't mean you are, let it be clear :tongue3:
What I mean is, that girl, she wanted friends so bad that she put a lot of pressure on us. She would say "I never made friends on my own, they were always my sister's friend". I always try to be the kindest possible with people, mostly when I know they are freaks like me, because I know I like to have people accepting my freakiness.
But this girl, she was too quick all over the place. She would always talk, talk, talk, complain, interrupting me when I was trying to say something, so that we would, you know, have a conversation instead of her having a monologue.
She would always say things like "You people are so into your lives you don't let other people come in, and whenever I ask people to go out they just say no, and do you want to go to the party? What do you mean you don't know yet? You might as well say you don't want to go with me! See, that's my point, I can't make friends, people just don't want to let me in" and she would go on and on and on like that. At some point (=after 3 days) a friend and I already had had enough, and we had to explain her that she didn't have the good attitude, that she just couldn't expect people to be friends with her after knowing her for 3 days, and that she had to stop to pressure people she just met into being her friend. We explained to her that we didn't get along together immediately, it took us months to have real closure, it tooks us encouraging each other at 3am when we still hadn't finished studying, it took us time, and we had to go through some things to get closer. We finally managed to make her understand she expected way too much from people. Like when she goes out, it is to make friends, without even passing by the acquaintance phase. She would consider it a lost day if she didn't manage to make herself friends.
I don't know if you also have that kind of desperate attitude, but generally speaking, I'd say someone is more likely to make friends without pressuring people.
First step: you chat
Second step: the person maybe becomes an acquaintance
Third step: the person either becomes a friend or stays an acquaintance.
And the most important is to let things evolve and never pressure anything, because this is bad, bad bad.
Tough, if you don't have to force anything, you do have to make yourself a bit important to people, you have to make them want to see you again.
The friends I made at the uni, I wouldn't be so friend with them if I hadn't never contacted them outside of the school sphere. It can be a thoughful sms when you know the person is a bit sad, or a "Have super fun
😀" when they told you they were going to a party and didn't know what to wear and you had a long discussion on what the person could wear. Those are little way to show interest.
SO, really, I'd say it's important to
x be yourself
x find patient and tolerant people who will accept you
x don't pressure them
x show interest
x do not fear rejection
