I grew up going to a nondenominational church with my mom and sister. When I moved in with my dad though, I stopped going to church because my dad's an atheist and my stepmom is interested in Buddhism. My mom grew up Catholic, but she and most of her brothers moved on to different denominations after they moved out of their parents' home. My dad's side of the family is very religious and super conservative. My dad is the only one in the family who is not a Christian. I often feel torn between two worlds. I mean, I grew up thinking I was Christian, but I had stopped going to church before you really start to learn about what it really means to be a Christian. It's funny because my dad is well versed in the Bible (he can quote passages), and he's an atheist. I don't know nearly as much as he does, and yet I am the only one who shows any real interest in religion at all.
I like the idea of God, but I have a hard time "keeping faith" if you will. My three best friends are all very Christian and very conservative, and I'm just... not, and yet one of them invited me to go to her church for a while, which I did. I really liked it there. The pastors never said anything that I found offensive (for example, against any particular race, homosexuals, transgender, or non-believers), which I was thankful for because every other church I had been to had. My old church had an Elder who actually said that "Mary was not your average self-serving Jewess," when my dad was there for one of my children's plays. He said he almost got up and walked out, but he figured I'd be sad if he wasn't there for my performance. Also, at our old church, one lady divorced her husband, and the whole congregation, especially the women's group, shunned her and openly told her that she was not welcome in the house of God. Ridiculous! These are the things which push me away from going to church. Well, that, and my inability to take that leap of faith. It's difficult to find a church that I feel comfortable in, where I wont be put down for my own personal beliefs.
I wish I could just "be Christian" sometimes because I know that it has affected my relationship with my family. My cousins, who I was super close with on my Dad's side, won't even talk with me anymore. I couldn't get more than a one-word response from my cousin in a conversation. I used to go home with her 2 days a week after school for 4 years when I was living with my mother... we were close! But when I told her a month later that I was trying out a new church, she was ecstatic and so happy! It just bothers me that my family can love God so unconditionally, but not a family member who is in a religious-limbo of sorts.
