I dont think it is as easy an answer as yes it's wrong. That kind of thinking was best left for the Buffy show. To me, Angel was always about the cost of things. Theoretically to wipe the memories could be considered wrong, but look at all of the good that it did. It allowed people to heal in ways they could have never healed before.
I think in Angels memory wiping thing it is his finally understanding that Jasmine was right, and a few people being sacrificed for world peace was a small thing. Wiping his friends memories to remove such burdens and pain from their lives can not simply be labeled 'wrong' it just depends on how you look at the situation. He gave them a better life. Moreoever, if it was 'wrong' he never got backlash from it. Everyone involved realized, at least on a subconscious level, it was the right thing to do.
You don't heal if memories are erased (or even repressed). Healing requires facing the memories and the conflicting emotions. If the memories are artificially removed I would imagine that at best you would remain ignorant with huge gaps in your entire psyche. It's also possible that fake memories were installed when the real memories were taken, which would be confusing on a basic level. At the very least there would be some sort of compulsion not to think about that time too deeply.
The group began to splinter after the memories were taken. Part of what held them together is the shared memories of the past years. By the time that they had been at W&H a month or so, Angel called a meeting and no one showed. Yes, they were all busy working on projects - every single one of them was so busy they couldn't delegate work for a hour and meet together. That shows where the priorities have shifted radically.
A few people sacrificed for a greater good is the coda of every murderous dictator ever. It was the rationale of both Faith, and later Spike. It goes against everything the Buffyverse stands for. I can't believe that the very people who were violated actually deeply approve of the way they were violated. I don't think there is any indication of that. When Willow violated Tara's memories it was seen as a huge intrusion. Granted, Angel had a much stronger reason to do it, but he also violated the memories of four of his people much more deeply. (Cordelia asked about Connor so she remembered.) It's Illyria who is interesting - she is aware of both sets of memories and questions hoe memory entwines with identity, and whether it is better or not to know the truth.
ILLYRIA
You betrayed Angel. You stole his son. He tried to kill you.
WESLEY
Yes.
ILLYRIA
Are these the memories you needed back? Does this now make you Wesley?
WESLEY
(nods)
At least I know what happened.
thetopher - I agree that Wesley and Connor got their memories back but they were in the room which had to be heavily warded. If Lorne and Gunn got any change in memories, I would have expected some acknowledgement. Doylist explanation - bad writing again.
Except that Buffy's actual fate, that she would die in the act of protecting someone who she loved, ultimately Dawn, rather than Angel himself, remained exactly the same. All that Angel decided "for himself" was that he wouldn't be the loved one Buffy died for.
Prophecy seems pretty mutable but also inevitable in that universe. The very event Wes attempted to avert created the circumstance to bring it to fruition - the father did kill the son.
Buffy was probably always destined to die for Dawn. The Oracles specifically said that she would die sooner if she was distracted by protecting Angel, but they never went into the exact scenario. She could have died the following week after Angel became human, and then nobody would be around to protect the Key from Glory, and the multiverse would be completely SOL as a result.
And while Angel mindwiping his friends is comparable to Willow mindwiping Tara (to a degree, which I will get into in a minute), I don't see how IWRY is comparable. One is altering time itself, which is pointed out in the episode, while the other is altering someone's mind to create false events and personalities. Buffy's mind was never touched in IWRY, and Angel didn't specifically ask the Oracles to mess with her head for his own convenience. She'd lose the memories because the day never happened, just like Cordelia and Doyle and literally everyone else on the planet lost memories of that day because they never lived it.
Now, for the Willow vs. Angel discussion: Willow altered Tara's mind because she didn't want to act like an adult and couldn't be bothered to deal with an argument and let it run its course. She wiped Tara's mind because it was convenient, and later had dubiously consensual sex with her parter who might not have been willing if she had all her memories intact. I've always been a little wary of calling it full blown rape, but there is no getting around that it is morally sketchy. The fact that Willow does it so casually and doesn't show any signs of guilt, or even learning a lesson as she tries it again immediately after getting found out, kind of makes her a sociopath. And she never apologizes to Tara or her friends, either. The morality of what Angel did is incredibly dubious, but he has the decency to feel guilty about it, and has a better reason for it going in than "because it suits me". Which is why I'm always baffled by Angel being singled out as the one with the sociopathic God complex, as compared to the Scoobies, he seems to weigh the consequences of his actions*. Willow was the one on a power trip, not Angel; in fact, he feels pretty damned trapped by Wolfram and Hart throughout the season because he is indebted to them and doesn't like the feeling.
Speaking of which, did Angel actually tell Wolfram and Hart to alter the memories of his friends, or was that just a package deal with altering Connor's mind? I mean, giving him a double edged sword decision like "We'll help your son, but we're totally gonna dick around with the memories of your friends, it's the only way. Make your decision, tick tock trolllolololol" is totally their thing.
* At least he never violated the bodies of all the potential Slayers in the world by activating them without their consent. Dana says hi to Buffy and Willow, btw.
In the event of Buffy's death there would be no purpose creating the key as her sister. I assume that Fiath would have been thoe one to protect her - perhaps as a new inmate.
Is there any specific scene or event that shows Angel feels guilty about the mind wipe? People keep saying that, but I don't recall it being shown. Is it just a general assumption based on his need to carry such a huge burden?
Technically speaking Angel(us) would be a psychopath and Spike would be a sociopath....just saying.
😉
ANGEL
(puts down the phone) I'm sorry what happened to you, Lilah. I really am.
Me and my friends will be leaving now.
The telephone rings. Lilah answers it. Angel sighs.
LILAH
(to phone) Yes? Of course. (hangs up) The senior partners would like you to test all the amenities before you make your decision. (presses a remote control button, revealing a television that's playing a news report)
REPORTER
evacuated and bomb units have been called to the scene where police say more than a dozen promenade shoppers are being held hostage at this hour. Police are trying to identify the suspect from these security camera pictures. (the footage shows Connor on the screen; Angel walks closer to the television for a better look) So far, no motive is known for the siege, and the suspect has refused to speak with law enforcement officials. We'll keep you updated as this intense drama unfolds.
LILAH
Wow, really does have your eyes, doesn't he?
Resume. Angel sees Connor on the television news report. Angel grabs Lilah by the throat and pushes her up against the wall angrily.
LILAH
Watch the head. It comes off kind of easy.
ANGEL
(through gritted teeth) You set this whole thing up.
LILAH
Been a little busy with the being dead.
ANGEL
You, the senior partners, whoever. Get 'em on the phone and make it stop (low) now.
LILAH
Love to, except for the part where we didn't have anything to do with—
ANGEL
But you know who did.
LILAH
Yeah, I'm looking at him. You're the one who raised him or didn't. (Angel lets her go; Lilah clears throat) Can't imagine how the kid turned out postal.
ANGEL
You don't know a thing about Connor, huh. Let's keep it that way. (walks toward the door)
LILAH
One time offer only, Angel. Walk out that door, deal's off. Stay, and it's all yours.
ANGEL
People like you, this place, that's what's wrong with the world, Lilah. I will never be a part of this. (sighs, stares at the image of Connor on the screen) Not the way you're hoping. (walks up to Lilah) Now let me tell you what the deal's gonna be.
So it was Angel who insisted on the mind wipes as his condition for taking over W&H.