Riley and Buffy - Where does the blame lie?

[LadyLavinia]

I'm sorry, but I don't buy your excuse that Riley was that disturbed by Buffy's strength. If that was really the case, he would have ended their relationship long before "Into the Woods". In fact, he feared that Buffy didn't love him in the episode BEFORE the incidents of "Out of My Mind", when an operation removed the last vestiges of Professor Walsh's experiments from him. And after the events of "Out of My Mind", Buffy began to treat Riley like fine china and keep him at a distance even more.

I believe that another one of Riley's problem was that he feared that Buffy never really loved him and was still in love with Angel. This would explain his visits to the vamp whores in some misguided attempt to understand her relationship with the vampire. He also could not deal with her growing habit of keeping him at a distance. And due to his inability to communicate with her, because he feared that he would lose her, Buffy learned about his fears when it was too late.

After several pages of this topic, I still do not understand this need to place the blame on either Buffy or Riley for their breakup. Why? Both of them were at fault. It seemed obvious to me. Is it really that necessary to point fingers at one of them?

 

[Kana]

He almost gave himself a heart attack because he couldn't handle the fact that he might be weaker than his girlfriend. If that's not a "main" problem, I don't know what one is.

A problem but not the main one. All the issues were part of the main issue. Does Buffy actually love Riley, or need him enough. How he handled it was totally wrong.

He was also insanely jealous about Angel before he knew anything about their relationship. C'mon, when he found out they'd had sex, it was like Buffy betrayed him somehow, which was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. He MOPED about the fact that once, two years before he'd even met her, Buffy had sex with her boyfriend. That goes beyond simple jealousy. That's, like, psychotic.

I think his jealousy was definitely Xanderish. He wasn't just some ex. It was her first love, who she went o LA to see who has a habit of turning evil. As for how she feels about Angel, well Bangels might say she never really got over Angel, all this said, Riley should have trusted Buffy instead of assuming that he could charm her into doing the nasty after everything that happened, I mean that would never...oh wait.

I don't doubt that he had a problem with Buffy being emotionally distant. The thing is though, he should have seen that was simply how SHE dealt with things and took that approach when confronting her.

Well we could say that the way Riley dealt with things was going to vampires and getting bit. That was HIS way of dealing with things. Of course I'm being facetious here but my point is sometimes we have different ways of dealing with our problems but some ways are more constructive than others. Taking your boyfriend for granted and overlooking what he has to offer and not being close to him, I'd say isn't the best way to deal with it. Did Buffy need someone who was just accept things as they are? Did Riley need someone more emotionally available? I don't know. Maybe they were never right for each other but I don't place the blame entirely on Riley or Buffy.

I don't think that wanting someone to open up to you is just selfish either...I think RILEY'S desire for Buffy to open up was mostly, if not entirely, selfish. It wasn't as if Buffy were worse off because she was dealing with things in her own way.

But it's not good for the relationship. Both parties have to get something out of it. Riley felt the way he did and tried to explain this to Buffy. Buffy like most fans think it's a matter of who's in the right and who is in the wrong. She was like "I can't believe he think I'm in the wrong, he's in the wrong" Xander was explaning that it's not about that and if she stubbornly think "I'm in the right" she could lose a guy who's crazy about her. Of course if she didn't love him, then fine, it's only fair to let him have the relationship he wants and of course that leaves Buffy to find the relationship she wants or allow her to be free.

She was holding it together and as okay as she could be. Riley wanted her to open up so that he could play the hero, he could be the savior for a change, and oh yeah it might make them closer but that seems to be a mere afterthought.

Again this is merely the assumption from Riley haters. It's a possibility but I suppose when you don't like a character you would tend to assume the worst.

 

[zobothehobo]

A problem but not the main one. All the issues were part of the main issue. Does Buffy actually love Riley, or need him enough. How he handled it was totally wrong.

I feel the need to point out here, there is a difference in loving someone and opening up to them. You can love someone and feel comfortable with them and trust them... and there will still be things you'd rather not tell them. That doesn't mean you don't love them or trust them or care about them... it just means you don't want to tell them about this that or the other or you don't want their help. That's not a sign of loving someone.

I don't really think there was a question of did Buffy love Riley. I hate Riley and their relationship and I can see plain and simple she loved him. She just didn't love him the way he wanted. The question was how much did she want/need his help vs how much did he want/need to give it... not did she love him.

 

[Professor Walsh]

I don't really think there was a question of did Buffy love Riley. I hate Riley and their relationship and I can see plain and simple she loved him. She just didn't love him the way he wanted.

Or how he needed to be loved. Sometimes, what one person has to give just isn't what the other person needs. If that's the case, keeping a relationship going through rough sea demands not just deep affection from both sides but also a strong will to stay together.

 

[mayfever]

He was also insanely jealous about Angel before he knew anything about their relationship. C'mon, when he found out they'd had sex, it was like Buffy betrayed him somehow, which was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. He MOPED about the fact that once, two years before he'd even met her, Buffy had sex with her boyfriend. That goes beyond simple jealousy. That's, like, psychotic.

I think it wasn't the fact that Buffy and Angel had sex that drove Riley insane, it was the effect the event had on Angel. He loves her so much she gives him perfect happiness - how can ordinary Joe Soap Riley compete with that? I can imagine that he might have found his own feelings for her (profound as they may have been) lacking by comparison, if only because even if she gave him perfect happiness as well, he would have no means to prove it.

I think I may have said it before (I can't remember whether I already posted in this thread), but I think Buffy should never have got into a relationship with Riley. I don't think he was wrong for her in the strictest sense (he's a nice enough fella, if a little bland, although the die-hard Bangel inside me of course says that everyone except Angel is wrong for her), but she very clearly wasn't over Angel when she met Riley (You're only ever truly over someone when you can throw confetti at their wedding), so pretending to be was unfair to him. Their relationship would have stood a chance if she had moved on after Angel, which she didn't.

 

[Chosen Enemy]

I just think Riley is not the right person for Buffy. Buffy has stated a number of times that she needs her man to be... bad? she choose this word, but I don't know if she meant bad as in bad. And Riley was that regular guy (too tall for her haha), she couldn't go all the way with him - not in bed and not when they wrestle. She's always needed to hold back with him. This relationship didn't fit the needs of either of them. Just because you like being near each other, you like to kiss, fight along each other, doesn't meant they're right as a couple. They could have probably be good friends. But as a couple, it wasn't the best match.

 

[Kana]

I feel the need to point out here, there is a difference in loving someone and opening up to them. You can love someone and feel comfortable with them and trust them... and there will still be things you'd rather not tell them. That doesn't mean you don't love them or trust them or care about them... it just means you don't want to tell them about this that or the other or you don't want their help. That's not a sign of loving someone.

But I think opening up to someone is part of being close to them. I'd like to think that Buffy did or could have loved Riley, but she was definitely holding back and pushing him away, treating their love making like stress relief and taking it for granted that he would show up when she expected and go away she didn't want him around. I totally understand her behaviour and I've done it myself, that's why in hindsight, I think it's best to open up and share, otherwise you kind of don't have a relationship. Even Spike (the manipulative bastard though he was) could understand Riley's loneliness.

I don't really think there was a question of did Buffy love Riley.

Maybe, maybe not. All the stuff I said above are reasons why Riley may doubt it. I think fear of getting hurt can make us hold a lot back. She was definitely more emotionally available to Angel, but because of what happened, Buffy was cautious to give of her heart or at least 'show it' in the way she used to. This is normal but I can also understand why Spike and Riley doubted it a little.

I hate Riley and their relationship and I can see plain and simple she loved him. She just didn't love him the way he wanted. The question was how much did she want/need his help vs how much did he want/need to give it... not did she love him.

As I said it isn't just about that, but I'd be repeating myself if I go over these points again.

I think I may have said it before (I can't remember whether I already posted in this thread), but I think Buffy should never have got into a relationship with Riley. I don't think he was wrong for her in the strictest sense (he's a nice enough fella, if a little bland, although the die-hard Bangel inside me of course says that everyone except Angel is wrong for her), but she very clearly wasn't over Angel when she met Riley (You're only ever truly over someone when you can throw confetti at their wedding), so pretending to be was unfair to him. Their relationship would have stood a chance if she had moved on after Angel, which she didn't.

I'm kind of with you on this one (apart from the Bangely part lol 😉). All relationships are circumstantial. I think Riley and Buffy entered with the best of intentions but, you know? Shit happens. Buffy had to deal with a lot, Riley also lost a lot in short space of time which is often overlooked. I will say that I believe it had as much chance of working out as any of the other relationships. Riley and Buffy simply didn't grow into the couple that could have been successful. There is an element of tragedy with all her romances which is why I don't ship Buffy with anyone.

 

[VisionGirl]

I just think Riley is not the right person for Buffy. Buffy has stated a number of times that she needs her man to be... bad? she choose this word, but I don't know if she meant bad as in bad. And Riley was that regular guy (too tall for her haha), she couldn't go all the way with him - not in bed and not when they wrestle. She's always needed to hold back with him. This relationship didn't fit the needs of either of them. Just because you like being near each other, you like to kiss, fight along each other, doesn't meant they're right as a couple. They could have probably be good friends. But as a couple, it wasn't the best match.

I can agree with that. But people here take this and put all sorts of extreme connotations on Riley & his motives which I can't understand and frankly don't think is there. A "radical misinterpretation of the text" LOL.

And I'm giving up giving karma to Kana- there's just not enough out there in the world! 😀

 

[zobothehobo]

But I think opening up to someone is part of being close to them. I'd like to think that Buffy did or could have loved Riley, but she was definitely holding back and pushing him away, treating their love making like stress relief and taking it for granted that he would show up when she expected and go away she didn't want him around. I totally understand her behaviour and I've done it myself, that's why in hindsight, I think it's best to open up and share, otherwise you kind of don't have a relationship. Even Spike (the manipulative bastard though he was) could understand Riley's loneliness.

I know he was lonely in the relationship... but I honestly feel if he had just held on and not gone to the vampire whores to fill the empty spot, she would have hopened up to him. After the fact. Told him things about how she was feeling during that time she didn't tell anyone else. But he couldn't be patient. I don't think it's that she didn't want him around, I think it's that she just didn't think about him. Yes, she took him for granted... but in a crisis like that how many things can you think about? She took her friends for granted too. But they didn't run off crying.

Maybe, maybe not. All the stuff I said above are reasons why Riley may doubt it. I think fear of getting hurt can make us hold a lot back. She was definitely more emotionally available to Angel, but because of what happened, Buffy was cautious to give of her heart or at least 'show it' in the way she used to. This is normal but I can also understand why Spike and Riley doubted it a little.

I know why they doubted it. I meant the question to the viewer isn't "did Buffy love him?" I think Riley needed something from Buffy she just couldn't give because they're just wrong for each other. Looking at it from that way, the break up would be neither's fault... except Riley went out and got sucked on by the vampire whores to "feel better."

 

[Kana]

I know he was lonely in the relationship... but I honestly feel if he had just held on and not gone to the vampire whores to fill the empty spot, she would have hopened up to him.

Would she though? I don't know. I couldn't answer that. I think therein lies the tragedy of Ruffy, because I think if Buffy opened up more in the first place then Riley may not have gone the vampire whores in the first place. I really agree with Sam though I don't see Riley or Buffy as monsters, just two people who made mistakes. Buffy is an amazing person and I can see why Riley was in love with her. I don't think he wanted to change her in general, but I do think he wanted to be closer to her. I can certainly empathize with that.

After the fact. Told him things about how she was feeling during that time she didn't tell anyone else. But he couldn't be patient. I don't think it's that she didn't want him around, I think it's that she just didn't think about him. Yes, she took him for granted... but in a crisis like that how many things can you think about? She took her friends for granted too. But they didn't run off crying.

I think in relationship though it's different. The problem is Buffy is always going to have things to deal with, but if she doesn't open up, it doesn't bode well for her relationships. I think after Angel it was hard for her to open up to anyone. Relationship are hard and people can make mistakes on both sides. I do think they had a chance if Buffy got there in time, they just needed to see things from the other's perspective a little more. Even though Buffy was going through a lot, she shouldn't have seen Riley as another 'thing to deal with'. In my eyes couples face things together. Riley definitely should spoken up louder about how he felt instead of putting his life in danger. I totally get hw Buffy felt betrayed and how it took her a while to see it from his persepctive. Buffy really is a great catch but in my experience, so is Riley. He is caring, attentive, takes care of the pratical things, takes care of Dawn, comforts Buffy when she's worried about her mother and unlike Spike and Angel didn't suck up too much of her time attention and emotion. I'm not getting at the vamps though because often it wasn't really their fault it was more to do with circumstance, but my point is as flawed as he was, he certainly wasn't the worst bf in the world and doesn't deserve all the flak he gets.

I know why they doubted it. I meant the question to the viewer isn't "did Buffy love him?"

I think it kind of is. Many people say, either Buffy never really loved Riley or he wasn't right for her or in the long run she never could be happy with him. I personally think she definitely cared about him and it had as much of a chance of working out as her other trainwreck relationships. I think she definitely could have loved him but I think a part of her didn't allow herself to, like she didn't with soulless Spike (although for different reasons.) I don't think it's because he's a douche but merely because he came right after the dramafest that was Bangel.

I think Riley needed something from Buffy she just couldn't give because they're just wrong for each other.

...at the time, but as I've stated, so far NONE of Buffy's relationships have worked out for various reasons. I'm one of those people who believe you can't seperate circumstance from the people involved when it comes to relationships. It's more complicated sometimes than simply people being right or wrong for each other. Riley had qualities I think Buffy liked or could have loved that perhaps her other lovers didn't possess.

Looking at it from that way, the break up would be neither's fault... except Riley went out and got sucked on by the vampire whores to "feel better."

Well that didn't help, admittedly but I'm glad not everyone sees him as the beast he's often depicted as. 🙂

 

[mayfever]

Many people say, either Buffy never really loved Riley or he wasn't right for her or in the long run she never could be happy with him. I personally think she definitely cared about him and it had as much of a chance of working out as her other trainwreck relationships. I think she definitely could have loved him but I think a part of her didn't allow herself to, like she didn't with soulless Spike (although for different reasons.) I don't think it's because he's a douche but merely because he came right after the dramafest that was Bangel.

The way I see it, Buffy was more in love with the idea of Riley than with the actual person. Yes, she was bruised by Angel, but she already admitted in the ep "The Prom" that she thought Angel's decision to leave so that she could have a life was "right in the long run". I think she decided right then and there to honour Angel by trying to live the life he wanted for her. It wasn't her fault nor was it Angel's that she wasn't cut out for it... he idolised her too much for him to acknowledge that darker part within her that made her turn to Spike in the end. Riley is neither here nor there, he didn't see her as his salvation nor himself as hers, he simply wanted to date a woman he liked and fell in love with her in the process. Not his fault that the woman's character was far more complex than he could grasp.

 

[LadyLavinia]

All of these arguments about how Riley is to blame seemed to have its origin in reverse sexism. The series is about Buffy. The series is also about female power. In no way, should Buffy take any blame for the failure of her relationship with Riley. I say BS to that. Buffy is not perfect. Nor should be. And the series made it clear, as far as I'm concerned, that BOTH she and Riley were to blame. It takes two to break up a relationship. And that was certainly apparent in Season 5.

But since this is Buffy's show, Riley was never that popular with many fans, and because he had the bad luck to replace Angel as a romantic interest; the breakup of their relationship was all his fault. Sigh! People never change.

I just think Riley is not the right person for Buffy. Buffy has stated a number of times that she needs her man to be... bad? she choose this word, but I don't know if she meant bad as in bad. And Riley was that regular guy (too tall for her haha), she couldn't go all the way with him - not in bed and not when they wrestle.

Even "regular" guys have darkness within them. In that regard, Riley was no different from any other living creature - human or otherwise. Nor have I ever consider Riley to be "regular", considering his choice in profession. Or was it that Buffy needed a supernatural being to be her mate?

 

[fly on the wall]

All of these arguments about how Riley is to blame seemed to have its origin in reverse sexism.

Hmmm. This got me thinking. Firstly, I don't believe in "reverse sexism" - sexism is sexism. But it's true that we are used to Buffy being with men who are interested in and attracted to her strength and power, men that willingly fight as her sidekick and not as her protector. Even Riley, at first, was like this. It wasn't until his own power faded that he really started showing his insecurities. But that, to me, is 100% sexist. He's only secure with Buffy's strength if he's strong, too? He's only okay with her power if he has comparable power, if he can fight too, if he doesn't need to be protected sometimes? And could it honestly work between Buffy and a man like that? This gets to the heart of why I blame Riley. Yes, of course it takes two to end a relationship, but it can also be one person's problems more than the other's that causes the relationship to end. Break-ups aren't split 50/50.

 

[Kana]

Hmmm. This got me thinking. Firstly, I don't believe in "reverse sexism" - sexism is sexism. But it's true that we are used to Buffy being with men who are interested in and attracted to her strength and power, men that willingly fight as her sidekick and not as her protector. Even Riley, at first, was like this. It wasn't until his own power faded that he really started showing his insecurities. But that, to me, is 100% sexist. He's only secure with Buffy's strength if he's strong, too? He's only okay with her power if he has comparable power, if he can fight too, if he doesn't need to be protected sometimes? And could it honestly work between Buffy and a man like that? This gets to the heart of why I blame Riley. Yes, of course it takes two to end a relationship, but it can also be one person's problems more than the other's that causes the relationship to end. Break-ups aren't split 50/50.

There's nothing wrong with Riley missing his strength. I very much doubt if he were the woman in the relationship people would have as much of a problem with it and as I've said, Riley admitted it's hard sometimes but that wasn't the main problem and I think we know by now what his issue is...

 

[fly on the wall]

There's nothing wrong with Riley missing his strength. I very much doubt if he were the woman in the relationship people would have as much of a problem with it and as I've said, Riley admitted it's hard sometimes but that wasn't the main problem and I think we know by now what his issue is...

But it wasn't about him missing his strength. It was about how now, Buffy immensely surpassed him in strength. And just because Riley claimed that wasn't the main problem, doesn't mean that it's true. I can hardly see him admitting, "Oh, yes, it really really bothers me that you're stronger than me." Perhaps the disconnect he felt was actually in part a result of having nothing in common with Buffy anymore. And I'd argue that part of the reason that Buffy held back from confiding in him was because she perceived him as insecure. I don't think Riley himself had much confidence in his ability to support Buffy. He wanted to, sure, but I think part of him was always wondering, "Am I strong enough for this? Am I strong enough for her?" and I don't think it's unreasonable to assume Buffy sensed this and so tried to protect him by holding back. I say this because the only other two men we see Buffy bare herself to emotionally are Angel and Spike, who she clearly perceived as strong and (mostly) secure. Of course, it's difficult to say that she would have been open with either of them during this period of her life because we've never seen her go through something like the death of her mother, the appearance of Dawn, etc etc with either of them.

 

[Gotham]

Interesting read.

My take would be that I basically agree with what Xander said to Buffy.

That being said, Riley really made an idiotic move in hanging with vampire whores, I mean that was stupid on the writer's part. IMO it was cheap easy way of paving the way for his exit.

Ultimately though, I think Buffy is pretty terrible at relationships. Riley was basically a one man band towards the end of their relationship.

 

[Kana]

But it wasn't about him missing his strength. It was about how now, Buffy immensely surpassed him in strength. And just because Riley claimed that wasn't the main problem, doesn't mean that it's true.

But admit that it was hard sometimes. This is the reason, I think that, yes is wasn an issue for Riley but it wasn't the main issue. If Riley had flat out denied it then sure, I'd say there would be more validity to the argument but I have little reason to believe he wasn't being honest in that training room.

I can hardly see him admitting, "Oh, yes, it really really bothers me that you're stronger than me."

Well he admitted it was hard sometimes, why even admit that?

Perhaps the disconnect he felt was actually in part a result of having nothing in common with Buffy anymore. And I'd argue that part of the reason that Buffy held back from confiding in him was because she perceived him as insecure. I don't think Riley himself had much confidence in his ability to support Buffy.

It's a possibility but where do we see this? Riley wanted to be there for Buffy but she wouldn't let him in. He actually said he wanted her to let him in.

He wanted to, sure, but I think part of him was always wondering, "Am I strong enough for this? Am I strong enough for her?"

I admit he was insecure (as all of our lovers have been at some point) but it was partly Buffy's behaviour that was making him insecure. When the person you love shuts you out it's not uncommon to feel insecure.

and I don't think it's unreasonable to assume Buffy sensed this and so tried to protect him by holding back.

There's also little little or no indication that Buffy thought this.

I say this because the only other two men we see Buffy bare herself to emotionally are Angel and Spike, who she clearly perceived as strong and (mostly) secure.

That or it's circumstantical. She was open to Angel because she hadn't been hurt by love yet. Spuffy is a different animal. At first it was a whisper in a dead man's ear (in Season 6) which means she can open up without having to actually open up and in Season 7 it's slightly different because confides in Spike when everyone else appeared to have turned her back on her. I'm not undermining her relationship with him but I don't think specifically she opened up to Angel and Spike because she thought they were more secure.

Of course, it's difficult to say that she would have been open with either of them during this period of her life because we've never seen her go through something like the death of her mother, the appearance of Dawn, etc etc with either of them.

Exactly.

 

[fly on the wall]

But admit that it was hard sometimes. This is the reason, I think that, yes is wasn an issue for Riley but it wasn't the main issue. If Riley had flat out denied it then sure, I'd say there would be more validity to the argument but I have little reason to believe he wasn't being honest in that training room.



Well he admitted it was hard sometimes, why even admit that?

Because denying it outright would have been ridiculous, since he had clearly shown it was an issue since his very first discussion with Buffy about her achievements as a Slayer.

It's a possibility but where do we see this? Riley wanted to be there for Buffy but she wouldn't let him in. He actually said he wanted her to let him in.

She showed time and time again that she was well aware of his insecurity. The first example that comes to mind is in "Buffy vs. Dracula." During the group discussion about Dracula and his irresistible thrall, Willow turns to Buffy and asks her if she sensed it. In that moment, Riley turns to Buffy too. Buffy glances at him, then back at Willow, and lies. She knew he was insecure about himself, about the fact that he wasn't "dark" and couldn't enthrall her or protect her...and so Buffy lied to protect him.

She also held back telling him about Angel because of his insecurity. I just don't think it's as simple as she was shutting him out for the hell of it. She was shutting him out because of how she knew he would react if she let him in. So maybe it was partly self-preservation, but what's so wrong with that? They were flat-out wrong for each other, and I don't see how Buffy could have opened up and been completely honest with them. The only time their relationship worked well is when they didn't know who the other one was.

I admit he was insecure (as all of our lovers have been at some point) but it was partly Buffy's behaviour that was making him insecure. When the person you love shuts you out it's not uncommon to feel insecure.

But Riley never displayed behavior that wasn't insecure.

There's also little little or no indication that Buffy thought this.

There's plenty of indication that Buffy thought this.

 

[The Unspoken]

Because denying it outright would have been ridiculous, since he had clearly shown it was an issue since his very first discussion with Buffy about her achievements as a Slayer.

It's also ridiculous that he would tell a big fat lie when he's trying to salvage a relationship. And then why should we believe anyone in the Buffyverse, for that matter?

She showed time and time again that she was well aware of his insecurity. The first example that comes to mind is in "Buffy vs. Dracula." During the group discussion about Dracula and his irresistible thrall, Willow turns to Buffy and asks her if she sensed it. In that moment, Riley turns to Buffy too. Buffy glances at him, then back at Willow, and lies. She knew he was insecure about himself, about the fact that he wasn't "dark" and couldn't enthrall her or protect her...and so Buffy lied to protect him.

He gave a mere glance? Really?! You don't think that would be normal for ANY partner to do under these circumstances (i.e. it was sexually suggestive)? And didn't Angel admit to being jealous of Xander? Then he must be the most insecure person in the entire 'verse...

She also held back telling him about Angel because of his insecurity.

She didn't know him all that well at this point - if I'm not mistaken this is in season 4. Certainly not well enough to detect any insecurity.

I just don't think it's as simple as she was shutting him out for the hell of it. She was shutting him out because of how she knew he would react if she let him in. So maybe it was partly self-preservation, but what's so wrong with that? They were flat-out wrong for each other, and I don't see how Buffy could have opened up and been completely honest with them. The only time their relationship worked well is when they didn't know who the other one was.

But a few posts back you said Buffy didn't have to open up in the first place:

I don't doubt that he had a problem with Buffy being emotionally distant. The thing is though, he should have seen that was simply how SHE dealt with things and took that approach when confronting her. I don't think that wanting someone to open up to you is just selfish either...I think RILEY'S desire for Buffy to open up was mostly, if not entirely, selfish. It wasn't as if Buffy were worse off because she was dealing with things in her own way. She was holding it together and as okay as she could be. Riley wanted her to open up so that he could play the hero, he could be the savior for a change, and oh yeah it might make them closer but that seems to be a mere afterthought.

So which is it? Or is Riley such a bad boyfriend that he makes it ok to use conflicting arguments?

There's plenty of indication that Buffy thought this.

Then why don't you post some? Baseless speculation can only lead you so fa- well, nowhere.

 

[Hale Caesar]

I wouldn't say one is entirely responsible, but I would put more blame on Buffy. Since deep down she doesn't want the nice reliable guy, she wants the bad boy and Riley knew this