I think Molly May shows it really well - there was certainly love and affection between Buffy and Spike that goes well beyond the bounds of platonic friendship. I would suggest that if you don't see it, it's just because you don't want to see it. I don't think she was lying to either Spike or Angel in Chosen - I think that Part of Buffy does think about a future with Angel and I think that a part of Buffy loves Spike in a very romantic, lovey kind of way. Actually, 'Part of' is not what I mean . . . how do I explain it . . . I think that Buffy whole-heartedly wants both and that is her (and our) conundrum yet to be worked out (perhaps never to be worked out). See, my argument for a while now is that Buffy loves them both in much the same way. Joss has said it, the comics have said it, that the two vamps are THE most important men in her life - I think we've got to make of that what we will.
In all seriousness, I think you're right about Buffy wanting both men. There is a line at the end of "The Prince Of Tides," where Nolte says something to the effect that he wished that it could be allotted to him to lead two lives, one with his wife and family, whom he loves, and one to remain in New York with Streisand, whom he loves just as strongly, but differently. Buffy is in love with both Angel AND Spike, equally, but differently. Each man holds a unique place in her heart, an equal, however different, place in her life, and she genuinely loves, is IN LOVE WITH, both men. Two small but typical examples of what I'm talking about are the scene at her mother's graveside when Angel says, "I'll be here for as long as you need me," and a year later in Spike's crypt, when he says, "Every night, I save you."
She is in love with both men, and both men are in love with her. Ultimately, both men had to leave her, under relatively similar circumstances: The battle was over,the fight had been won. That moment, in both cases, was the time when the Champion's work had been done, at least temporarily, and they could, however reluctantly, leave.
Frankly, I have no doubt that Buffy could live her life quite happily with either man, could, if possible, have children, grow old, and die, with either man, and only ever have one real regret: that there could not have been allotted to her the power to live two separate lives. One with Angel, and one with Spike. Each totally different, but each in its own way just as happy and fulfilling.
She loves both men, differently, but equally.
